Step Talk

I would absolutely go balistic on my son if he was doing the same thing. My oldest son was out of control so I know what you are going through. Sounds like your wife is enabling this kid. I have a SS who is the same age and I won't deal with that kind of behavior so I really feel for you. It is your house too and you should not be disrespected.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

My 15 year old SS has a bed time of 10pm no matter what. The way my husband and I see it is that we have to go to work early in the mornings. My SS is a well adjusted straight A student getting ready to get his drivers license so I don't think a bed time is being harsh.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

You are right, it does sound like you already know what you have to do and what I think you ultimately will do. It sounds like you've tried and tried and you're just sick of trying. Sometimes we have to just cut our losses and leave. I have to think, if you guys did have a child together, would he or she be having sex in the backyard when they're supposed to be under your wife's supervision while you're not home?

Something I am left wondering also, is are you footing all of the bills for her and her kids to live with you?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Sounds to me like you are a nice person! The stuff we have ALL put up with with our significant other's KIDS (in my case, they are wacky
grown-ups), really tests our sanity.

I've learned SO MUCH about what is NOT NORMAL from this site. Vent for as long as you need, you'll know what to do.

If my OWN son EVER did what your SS did, he'd be castrated. (not literally, of course, but close....); to me, that is OUT OF CONTROL BEHAVIOR, and your wife needs to set BOUNDARIES. IF not, you are in for a LIFETIME of bad behavior.

here cake and be able to eat it too.

you can't have TWO men at the head of the house. she needs to choose or lose. and when i say 'choose' i don't mean she has to kick out her son. but she shoudl remember that he's a CHILD and you're a MAN and she's acting completely inappropriately. this is emasculating and i would not hestitate in telling her that.

sorry, but i feel angry for you. good luck and vent away! that's why we are all here. a venting we will go...a venting we will go!

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

I would've quietly snuck down stairs and called the police- sorry at 15 you know better and if you don't- well they say you pay for your memories! And you could so claim no knowledge!
Okay well, welcome- this is a helpful place to let out everything.
It seems to me if youe wife isn't invested enough in your relationship to seek counseling when you obviously feel theres not much of a marriage then it seems the choice is unfortunate but theres not much else you can do if she isn't willing to help the situation.
And since you are already going outside the marriage for what should be in it,it seems as much as you love her the only thing left is the paperwork, and the reality of doing it.
Find someone who wants a relationship with you, and a family- not someone in a relationship with their child and you as an outsider.

There is no reason where logic does not exist

If the stress is causing you to seek attention outside of the marriage its time for you to go. She is already married to the 15 year old so let him pay the bills.

Well, it looks like you came to the right place to vent.I see the women here have sympathy for you as far as your SS. However the fact that you have mentioned going outside your marriage is not good for anyone. You need to just be honest with your wife and yourself. There is no reason to subject your wife to something far worse. Being a sexually transmitted disease. Be careful, the same women that will let you cry on their shoulder would not put up with a cheating man.

If she's not doing her part then maybe it is time to leave. Nobody here would blame you for that because you're the one who has been trying. I mean, you even went to counseling & she refused to... what else can you do?

This sounds like a very unhealthy lifestyle for all involved. I would not compound the problems by having relationships outside the marriage. What does your therapist think about you seeing other women? That is just plain dangerous.

I know in my last relationship i started to have wondering eyes and when that happened, I knew it was time to get out. Never would i want some one to cheat on me, so i wouldnt do it myself.

her son to treat you that way says that she herself has little or no respect for you. Absolutely not to having a baby with her. You alredy see what sort of mother she is. As far as venturing out on your marriage regardless of how bad it is if that is how you are feeling you need to let your wife know and let her know that you want a divorce before stepping out on the marriage. Being the bigger and better person is the hardest job. It's easy to be trash and scum. I am sorry you are being treated that way in your own home and you tote the bills of the house. Time for you to do what you know you need to do.

your feelings to your W? Does she know that you are considering divorce? Have you given her an ultimatum (not that anyone likes those) as far as the counseling goes? I am not an advocate for divorce, but I understand people do what they have to do. I would watch procreating with her right now. Imagine bringing a child into the situation. I want nothing more than to have a child with my DH and when the skids are here I think how on earth will I shield my child, but DH and I are a team and he would never allow his son (he actually has 2d) to do that or stay up to those hours. Good luck, vent away and maybe take your W on a weekend away for a long talk. If a weekend is too long perhaps you can send her an invite (mail or email) for a romantic dinner for two. Stress the two and have the talk then.

that you have to be here. It sounds like your wife is enjoying her children at your emotional & financial expense.

Going outside the marriage for sex is not the right thing to do. It isn't good for you or her; sounds simplistic but it will bite you in the end.

Seek legal and emotional counsel. You might want to put her to work before you divorce-----that will mean less alimony (in some states).
Good luck.

like you just made a mistake in picking a mate. Forgive yourself for being human & move on with your life.

If you do want to make it work you & she will have to work at it with everything you have BUT THE CHEATING will have to stop.

sex in a hammock. Sounds like something me and my DH might enjoy, but a 15 year old? I know what I would do to my kids or skids if I caught that in my own home. Is your wife not concerned that she could be a grandmother sooner than she expects? She sounds just like my DH's ex-wife. No discipline, rules or accountability required of her kids.

I would sit your wife down and tell her exactly what you expect from her. Tell her this is not what you thought you were signing up for. I would give her X amount of time to adjust or they have to go. I would insist on counseling and if she declines she's out. I had to do this to my DH before things got better for us. He decided our marriage was worth it.

You need to quit sleeping around on her too. That's not helping things any.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

Does she think that it's attractive that her son is like that? Your wife is in denial! Hang in there Jack and do what you need to do! This is not normal!!!

I really wonder where her head is- or atleast the brain! I love it when my children(step and bio) like me, and think I am the perfect mom- but realistically if you do not make a child hate you occassionally you are doing something wrong. I remember hating my parents at times, and looking back- I would do the same as them given the situation.
Would you even want this women to mother your bio children given that it seems they have a friend relationship instead of real parenting?
I think you are getting the insight that most of these men didn't have- take it for that.
As for the swearing off blended families-I think we all understand that, we have all felt that way at some time even if for only a moment- at my age I don't think I would do it again- I do commend those who are though.
My DH would never tolerate anything like this from SD, nor I, her BM who knows what she would do but I know SD came to live w/us partially cause we do have rules, expectations of her, and we do set consequences for actions and I have been told by several people that when a child(as in SDs case) doesn't have these things in their home life their adult lives are by far more turbulant than their counterparts who had these things- it will only get worse, denial is a beautiful place to visit at times- but there shouldn't be permanant housing!
I think you are right to cut your losses and get out, W does not have her sons respect, nor does she try to get it, therefor he is not going to respect any mate she ever finds, and would you want your child around SS anyway? 3 years can last forever sometimes, and it may be longer than that as it sounds like he has not been taught responsiblity either.
I hope you find the stregnth to do what is right for you, and your future.

There is no reason where logic does not exist

You don't have to be a parent to parent. If my 15 year old neighbor was in the hammock having sex with an 18 year old girl, I'd walk right over there and interrupt. The 18 year old might like to be reminded about the law as well. You are not over stepping boundaries to do or say what is right. Kids, get off eachother, SS get in the house, girl, you are walking a very thin line... They might protest, but they will certainly stop what they are doing.

As for the cheating, I don't think there is ever a good excuse for it. Bottom line, you are an adult, if you don't like the situation you're in, work to change it, or get out. If you decide to leave, then you can do whatever you want. Until then, do the right thing.

If you live by an honest, moral creed, your life will reflect that in every possibly way.

Would have done the trick.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"