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Submitted by bellacita on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 11:02am.

u all know i NEVER complain at ALL about my SS15, the one FH has custody of. i think hes a great, respectful, well-mannered kid...i really do. that being said, he really pissed me off yesterday and i flipped out on him...

he has been getting that teenager attitude slowly for awhile now that is typical of any 15 yr old, in my opinion. u know, the im always rite, always an excuse, i never do anything wrong, etc. he has been doing this alot lately w FH and i just sit there and hold my tongue bc hes not my kid and if FH wants to let him talk to him like that, well then what am I gonna do. FH handles his kids w "kid gloves" bc after the divorce when he took custody, he was raising them on his own and made to look like the bad guy by SS20 while BM, when she started to see them again, was the fun parent who they visited. FH tried to teach SS20 how to be an adult and SS resented him for awhile until he really got on his own and realized what FH was doing, but until then, the relationship suffered. so i know FH doesnt want that to happen w SS15.

yesterday, it came to a head. my doggie obviously is home alone during the day. SS gets home around noon from an extra class he is taking at school. i cannot tell u how many times i have come home hours later to my dog's empty water bowl. maybe this is not a big deal to most but this dog is my BABY and i expect her to be taken care of at home in my absence. and she is not high maintenance...she is a boxer...all she needs is water, and to go outside to pee. THATS IT. i feed her at nite when i get home and play w her. granted, my SS didnt ask for a dog, i brought her, but he plays w her and takes care of her fine and its everyone's responsibility to do this.

so i get home, no water. now ive let it slide SOOOO many times bc a) SS is a good kid in general, b) i dont want to yell at him, and c) i dont want him to hate me. yesterday, id had enough...

i walk in and he is doing dishes, so hes RITE THERE by her water bowl and just was too lazy or apathetic to check on it.

me: the dog doesnt have any water?
SS reaches for the bowl to fill it, i say i'll get it (nice calm tones).
bella starts to drink a TON of water which make sme wonder if she'd had water all day.
me: did she have any water today??
SS: yeah, she drank it all. (smart ass tone)
i dont say anything and walk away and roll my eyes (bc thats beside the point, it needed refilled if thats the case but i dont believe him anyway) and i can hear him mutter under his breath so i come back out and say what did u say?
SS: well dont get mad at me. i gave her water.
me: the dog doesnt have any water!!
he procceds to make excuses and give me lip. u cannot tell him anything w/o him defending himself. so im yelling now bc im pissed the dog had no water and when i say something to him very calmly about it he makes excuses instead of just shutting up or saying sorry. so i tell him that when i am talking to him, stop talking back!! he keeps going, and i keep going. finally, my voice is very raised and i say "when adults are telling u something, dont talk back!!"
he goes downstairs.

so i told FH about all this and i said u know, i listen to him talk like that to u and i dont say anything and how many times has this happened and ive let it go and the ONE time i say something, he gives me attitude!! and i didnt yell at him until he started giving me the attitude and talking back. FH agrees and says i have every rite to be yelling about the water, let alone the back talking and he has been meaning to talk to SS about his attitude. what?! meaning to talk to him??? bc theres no time when we're home all nite from 6 until 10 when he goes to bed?? grrrrr.

so now hes gonna say something and im gonna be the bad guy, ya know? i just dont think that kids should talk to adults that way...if u get in trouble for something (and he wasnt even in trouble for it) just sit there and DONT make excuses and dont get mad at me. then he said dont yell at me. im thinking "grow up!"

maybe of u probably think this is one more example of how parents tend to be lenient w children of divroce and blah blah but this is how my FH is...hes just kinda a softie. i think he should be a bit stricter but its just not his nature. im thankful that i DONT have problems w my SS in general and that he is a good kid. every nite he thanks me for dinner, thanks us for driving him to his guitar lessons etc...and i know THATS rare and its bc of FH that he is so respectful. did i overreact??? i just was taught that u dont talk back to adults when youve done something wrong and it just infuriates me when he gets that attitude that he didnt do anything wrong and im an idiot. i kinda feel like kids today are growing up w a lack of respect for adults and a lack of manners and i guess sinec SS is so NOT that way, now that hes getting that a bit its frustrating.

» bellacita's blog | 187 reads

firstly, don't worry about being the bad guy

Submitted by unknown on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 11:26am.

your dog needs a drink and this kid is part of the family. this means he has a responsibility to contribute to the 'whole' of the household, whether he thinks it has anything to do with him or not. i'm sure you do lots of things for him that if you want to get technical, you don't HAVE to b/c he's not your kid. but you do anyway, for the sake of family harmony. he doesn't get to 'choose' which chores he wants to do and which he doesn't. your the parent. do not feel guilty.

secondly, his attitude is totally typical of a teenager. don't panic. it's not a stepkid issue, it's a 'kid' issue. it is gonna get worse before it gets better. my brother was a hellion when he was that age and he has turned out to be a remarkably smart and responsible young man.

as far as pets are concerned, my DH thinks that his son 12 (my SS) doesn't have to look after my cats because they dont' belong to him. my reply? if everyone in this house and family took that attitude about things, nothing woudl get done. technically, i guess then i don't have to cook for him and clean up after him, because like you said, HE doesn't belong to me.

a family is a family. your dog is part of that. if your SS doesn't like it, that's too bad. and i wouldn't bat one eyelash or feel one bit of guilt for setting him straight. these are the ways we teach young boys to become responsible young men that give a shit about the world around them. good luck.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

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thanks unknown

Submitted by bellacita on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 11:34am.

u reaffirmed that i did the rite thing, and FH did too, i guess im just frustrated by the attitude period. and i know its a kid, not a stepkid thing. SS is really good at respecting me as a parent i think. i guess it got me mad bc it happened several times and i havent said anything, so the one time i do he goes off, ya know? personally, i dont think the kid does enough around the house, not nearly what i did or what FH did when we were his age, so when he gets an attitude about what LITTLE he does, i just get sooo mad.

FH needs to talk to him and set him strait. im just pissed that it had a get to this and have ME yell at him about it b4 he actually will do something.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

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I agree with no attitude

Submitted by StepG on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 12:40pm.

and talking back as I cannot stand that. No Rebuttal... that is my phrase! You said you let it slide with the water in the past and never said anything. This is something H and I tend to disagree on. I believe in calling it out the first time and not letting it slide so it does not turn into a blow up situation. H likes to let it slide till he gets mad and let's it out. Next time call it out immediatley. If you never said nothing to him before then he maybe really did not think about it but now he will! I dread the teenage years with my SS! Your FH for sure needs to talk to him about the back talk and attitude...Nip it in the bud!

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I agree with no attitude

Submitted by StepG on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 12:40pm.

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I agree with no attitude

Submitted by StepG on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 12:40pm.

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question?

Submitted by Anonymous4444 (not verified) on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 2:34pm.

have you asked him before to check the water bowl intermittently to see if your baby needs water? i ask this because i too have a "baby" at home and i remember these things because he's my baby...(not saying that your ss shouldnt give him water because it's not his dog) but when my BF and i moved in together ofcourse the baby moved in too. i've had him for 8 years so it's second nature to check his bowl and walk him and all of that...but with bf he needed more reminders...now some time has passed and i can trust him to fill his bowl but he's an adult and understands how important it is that the baby is cared for. plus i told him if he doesnt take good care of my dog then he's not the man for me....lol..all joking aside..you said he was doing the dishes when you walked in. i mean not to say he shouldnt have put water for him but the kid wasnt sitting around not doing anything AND the other thing too is that i'm not sure how long ss has been in your home but maybe he just honestly forgets because it isnt his dog..i think that's natural..but that's JMO. now for talking back that was inexcusable and i understand why you would be upset over that. he should have just done it and not said anything. personally on this matter and i do mean personally i feel like maybe you took it a bit far...not for the talking back part but for him not putting the water. my dog is home alone all day and his bowl is filled once in the AM...and once in the PM, if my BF were to get home early from work and put extra water for him i would be grateful..but it is not a necessity. (even my vet agrees) if my dog were getting his bowl filled everytime it was emptied i'd have to pay someone to just stay home and walk him several times per day. but your rules are your rules and your home is your home and i can understand why you are angry.

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ive talked to him about it several times before

Submitted by bellacita on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 12:11pm.

and most of the time, it HAS been when hes sitting on his butt playing video games!

i dont fill her bowl in the am when we're not there so she wont have to go, so thats why its especially important for it to be filled when he gets home...bc she hasnt had water all day.

we moved in in october so hes used to helping take care of her. it wasnt really about the water, its just that when i said something, not even yelling at all, he started copping the attitude, ya know?

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

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Hmm... sounds familiar

Submitted by semi on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 1:12pm.

I see you've met my step-son...

"im always rite, always an excuse, i never do anything wrong, etc."

Maybe I'll go home tonight and look at some photos of him when he was little and see if I can't get a little of that bio-parent "but he was so cute when he was little" thing going so I don't kill him!

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i know rite?!

Submitted by bellacita on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 1:26pm.

thats what i thought when i read UR post! i think its really the behavior of teens 2day but the bottom line is our DHs need to set them strait...MY kids wont talk like that...i know its easy to say now bc i dont have any but i just believe in respect and the values i was raised w. and i just was not allowed to talk to adults that way.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

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Get your dog a fountain

Submitted by Sarah101 on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 2:49pm.

I have 2 dogs and 2 cats, and the best thing I ever did was to buy one of those pet drinking fountains with the water resevoir attached. Now I know they all have water to drink when I am away.

Your dog shouldn't have to suffer because of SS15. Make SS15 suffer instead!

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