Step Talk

Oh sweetie - you are all so lucky today as I am in rare form. Here's what you need to do - call the cell phone company yourself and cancel her account - this is beyond unacceptable and the dictionary people would need to create new words for me to say to my FH after something like this...

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Unbelievable!

I dont know that she should cancel it.. I think this might cause more problems.

I do think that you should point out that YOU are his fiancee and he should be paying for YOUR cell phone not hers. Ask him if he is really available to you.. both physically and mentally.. because it sounds to me like he is not emotionally available if he has put her on his cell phone plan AND has her listed as the Account Manager.

Its not to late to get out. Sorry.

In case you all haven't noticed - I'm feeling a little "angry" today and it is influencing a lot of my responses...lol.
Ema, one thing is for sure, I would demand he cancel the account immediately - this is unaaceptable on so many levels. I am so sorry for you hun.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

I was one click away from cancelling it then I changed my mind. They have not been together for 15 years now all of a sudden he gets the COW a phone. What the hell would be his reasoning - cuz you know he is gonna come up with one - I'm so pissed I'm ready to pack his stuff. This woman is 48 years old has a decent job and she has always paid for her own cell phone why the hell in the last few months would he add her to his plan - and get her a new better phone than me???

In my eyes his life should completly be over with her and if she needed to speak with him she could phone your house their is no need for him to pay for her cell phone ask him to cancel it and if he doesnt ask what he is hiding from you.

u said it wasnt on there before but now it is??? id be super po'd. just ask him whats going on andu expect a strait answer.

ps...whatever his reason/excuse is, its not good enough...that is BS!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Ask him why he never told you and you cant base your relationship on lies and secrets.I would personally cancel it this is your life to and those boundries should not be disrespected.

Yes, and if he says I didnt lie, I just didnt tell you.. Point out that an omission of the truth IS a lie.

OH HELL NO!

I would print it out, highlite it (yes, I'm that anal rententive) & hand it to him when he came home. Then ask "WHAT THE HELL?" Whatever excuses he had would be met with an "OH HELL NO! No. No phone for her. No. Overreacting? See if I care! This is entirely inappropriate & disrespectful to me & anyone with half a brain would know that. Get rid of the phone now or some shit's gonna go down."

But that's just me.

what in the world is he doing paying for HER phone? that is ludicrist!

I am just sitting here getting more and more upset that he would do this behind my back. I have always accused him of being secretive when it comes to her. He used to take a lot of trips back to the midwest because he was working on his house to get sold and fix it up (it has now taken over a year and a half - actually longer but i am just counting from when we got back together) It makes me think what else is he doing when he is supposedly working on the house? Doing stuff for her? We talk all the time when he is back there (in btwn him "working") and when SD is spending the night. SD has been to my house 3 times and we get along great and if they are doing anything all together she sure isn't saying. I just don't understand how after over 15 yrs (they broke up when she was pregnant) that she STILL has this hold over him. She has never even had another b/f!!! No wonder every g/f he has ever had dumped him when he lived back there because of her. Even 3 states away she still has control over him. We live together and have a wonderful life and he treats me like a princess but then i find this crap. It's like everytime that COW wants something he says how high do you want me to jump. Of course he NEVER tells me anything because he "doesn't want me to get mad". I don't want to marry someone who does these things to appease SDs mom. Isn't paying for everything the kid wants plus child support, spending time with his kid enough? I'm sooo tired by all the secretiveness and the lies (as someone said by ommission - because he never says anything!). Knowing him he will probably say it is my money and I can do whatever I want. Cruella - I NEED YOUR EXTRA SIZE FRYING PAN. I don't know what to do when he gets home we have all these great plans for the weekend and now they are going to be ruined because we are going to have a knock down dragged out fight and he probably still won't turn off the bitches cell phone. Oh I am shaking so bad!!!

I would DEMAND that he have the phone cancelled immediately! That is not something I would stand for. ever. If he refuses then give him a choice in the matter, either HER or you. If my FH did that I would seriously go apeshit. Good luck and keep us posted.

I feel so bad for you. I know that burning shaking feeling only too well. Thats your mind and body telling you this is very disrespectful. How do you resolve something like this. Things like this always make us look bad instead of the other way around. Im sending good karma your way so you can keep your cool. You dont deserve to have this kind of slap in the face. I would set up some bogus guys name on the plan if it didnt cost so much. Let him see how it feels. Please dont let it ruin your weekend. The damage is already done. What an ass he made of himself.

If you live in a community property state, you can demand to have the phone turned off, since you'll be sharing his credit when you get married. I would point that out to him, and also remind him that a marriage is between TWO people in this country; there is no room for exes. There is no acceptable reason for him to be doing this for her. If he doesn't agree to turn it off immediately, REGARDLESS of the penalty fee (which, in my opinion, the ex-wife should pay instead of him, at this point--she's old enough to pay for her own damn phone), I would seriously question his dedication to you and your marriage as a couple. You would not be asking to much to have him do this.

and I still would have shut down the account

Here, here, MissAngie....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Read this & try not to be shocked -- I just found out my DH paid his ex $2,600 so her electric & mortgage payments would be paid up. She told him she was going to loss the house, the phone was shut off, blah blah blah. He offered to pay the mortgage until it sells & wrote check for $2,600. The house is not up for sale yet (needless to say). I was speechless. She hasn't worked in 15 years and has a biker boyfriend living with her. Alimony ended in Feb. so she's hurtin for money now in a big way but not enough to work. She "borrowed" swins birthday money in March & never paid them back, now this. What am I missing here? Oh & this tidbit hurts me: DH Mom (MIL to me) said I am the most angriest person she ever met, because I said after I found out, "I could just cry". That's all I said & that's all I felt like doing.

Don't you just love technology. I have looked at the bills as well and seperated by phone and that crazy cow is still calling him every single day at least twice. So they talk 3 minutes here, 5 minutes here etc. Then on his work phone as well! In the past week she has only called twice so I don't know if he has just been ignoring her since he said he said up boundaries in march or if he has just been ignoring her phone calls!!! Now I am REALLY mad. I seriously am thinking about cancelling her account now - FH probably doesn't want to create waves because SD is coming out in 2 weeks and the cow will probably tell her how mean daddy's fw is and all - it is so messed up!

he's got big ole balls...

no excuse makes that alright...even if it was saving them both money somehow to combine plans, whatever. she needs her own phone under her own name that YOUR man does not pay for. i'm working out the same sort of situations at home...boundaries...i feel like i wanna paint the word all over the walls as a reminder..everytime i think we're on track...he takes 10 steps back...it's quite frustrating...i told him even if he's not sure about something and might want to tell BM yes...JUST SAY NO...cause she's like a freakin drug that will kill you and suck your money dry over time!! ugh..there are not enough words...i feel your pain...all we can do is handle these issues as they come and once we become overwhelmed and feel that this is not what we signed up for...then leave...at least thats how i feel..that's why we're not married yet. i'm in a wait and see game...3, 4 or 5 people are too many for one relationship....what is this UTah!!

...then you are committing the same crime as DH. Doing it behind HIS back.

I agree with a previous post to print the statement off and highlite the exW name and her frequent calls to him.

Lay it out for him and listen to his explanation.

I don't think your DH necessarily is still in love with his ex-wife. He just hasn't let old habits die. My husband also has this need to "take care" of BM and her problematic life. It drives me insane as well. She's a grown woman.

BM gave a big sob story one time about not being able to get a phone because of her poor credit and the girls "needed" a phone in their house in case of an emergency. DH wanted to get her one and I said no. Not because I was jealous or spiteful but because I didn't want her to be accustomed to us always helping her out. You can't enable this type of behavior or she would forever be expecting our assistance when she was in a jam.

My point is. Slow down and take a deep breath. Let him defend his decision and hope there is at least a semi reasonable excuse. Maybe she approached him with a similar sob story and DH fell for it. And maybe he kept it from you because of the very reaction you are having right now.

After he explains himself...then you can make a decision if this is what you want your life to be. I would just wait until then...because I think your imagination is running away from you.

Good luck.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

It's hard to say what you would do in someone else's shoes if you have not had to deal with it yourself, BUT this almost takes the cake. Clearly he is being secretive and outright dishonest. How can actions like these allow you to trust him?? Relationships are built on trust, and this is a huge, huge LIE. He is hiding things from you on purpose - that is not okay. You haven't married this man yet, so you need to sit back and take a nice, long breather. Evaluate your situation girl and really think hard about whether or not you can spend the rest of your life with someone who hides things like this from you. I would think twice about it, that's for sure. There's one thing in this world that I can not tolerate and that is lying. Good luck.

It would be great to shut it off immediately and that is very tempting. BUT I would wait to hear his explanation.

If she is using that number for work or something she could lose business if she no longer has that particular number (this is my DH's situation). Allow him to tell her she needs to make other arrangements.

I am sure this is some kind of financial issue for her, but tell him it is unacceptable and allow her a timeframe to fix it (1 week?).

I have the worst temper ever but even I say don't mess with anyone's livelihood, if that could possibly apply.?? I would not jump to any conclusions based on this alone if you can possibly help it, just get her off the phone bill, STAT!! then be more aware going forward for any signs of other involvement??

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Don't shut the phone off. There is a much deeper problem then just a cell phone. Your FH still has ties to BM and you really need to take a hard look at your relationship and see if it is really worth it. Sure you can shut off a phone but then what if he opens up a jewerly or credit card account and lets BM spend his money. The problem will not end. You need to observe closly what your FH is doing with BM. This relationship may not be worth the fight.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

Thanks to all of you. That is the thing Cru - who knows what else he is paying for her! Everytime he goes back to the midwest she probably has something for him to do. This whore makes 60K a year plus has a part time job, gets almost a $1,000 in child support a mth for one kid, plus my FH pays for her private school another $300/mth plus whatever activities SD wants to do plus SDs cell phone. He has this whole other life back there that I know nothing about. He has never brought me back with him but says his next trip he will! THEY WERE NEVER MARRIED AND HAVE NOT BEEN TOGETHER FOR 15 YEARS - HE CAN'T STAND HER!!! He used to take her phone calls all the time even if we were at dinner or whatever like she was the most important person - I had a fit about that and he said he set up boundaries and told her not to call unless is was about SD or an emergency. Well according to the statements she calls him practically everyday multiple times so I don't think he told her anything. They have NEVER even been a couple but yet here he is living with me having a grand ole time while this cow seems to get what she wants - he has already called me from work 3 times and i haven't even bothered to pick up his calls. I'm on my 4th beer right now and I want to rip his head off. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR HIM PAYING FOR THAT WOMANS PHONE!!!! She can get her own damn phone for $39.99/mth. I want to call her right now and tell her off so bad. She feels that she can get him to do whatever she wants. If he doesn't call her and tell her she has to get her own damn phone I will. He probably doesn't want to upset SD but seriously she has NEVER EVEN SEEN HER PARENTS TOGETHER. !#$%$#!% WITCH !#$%#@$% BASTARD! Thank god for this site and for all of you and your support I don't know how I would have gotten through this day if it hadn't been for all of you. I'm turning 40 this year (I've broken 4 engagements - is this my backback???) and have never been married and thought this was the one and now disappointed AGAIN - the rotten lying bastard!

That is emotional cheating. I hate being lied to. Ema be thankful you are not married to him. There are so many problems in my marriage that didn't manifest until after I got married. I had no clue what I was getting in to. Lying well that is the fastest way to get rid of me. I feel for you and I am angry for you. There is no excuse for the woman to at least purchase her own prepaid phone if she couldn't get a contract.

I wouldn't call BM. She is not the issue. His loyalty is totally this issue.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"