Hi, all..
Oh, let the venting continue. I feel GREAT!!
When DH and I first starting "dating", adult SDs thought it was "cute" that daddy had a "girlfriend". He had been alone for almost a decade after his divorce, so I was his first "date" (awwww). I fell for him IMMEDIATELY because he played NO games, he was so sweet and sincere, and I thought it was COOL that he had three daughters. As I had said in previous blogs, I have NEVER had a problem with young women in that THAT'S WHAT I'VE DONE FOR A LIVING for two decades!! I work with young people!
Enter the SERIOUS phase. Now things changed. It wasn't CUTE anymore, now I was a THREAT. DADDY was going to legally make SOMEONE ELSE number ONE in his life. That's when the craziness started...I'm not kidding here, they actually resorted to "baby talk" to daddy "Daddy, can you come help me with XYZ" "Daddy, my car is making funny noises...". When I was in their PRESENCE, they would PHYSICALLY POSITION themselves between me and "daddy"...again, not "little girls", GROWN WOMEN.
I'm sure many of you have DATED others before "this"....I dated several men who had CHILDREN, and I never went thru this.
The reason I didn't MARRY any of these men? (I honestly STILL hear from some of them informally, Email jokes, etc., so I really have no BAD relationship history. Even my XH are very cordial when we have to be; I really like his wife!! She has been awesome to my daughter). I didn't marry them because the timing wasn't right. I had two very active kids at home, I was coaching sports left and right, and my weekends were seriously BOOKED. I couldn't just flit off for a long weekend, and I know you know what I mean.
As Melody Beattie says so BEAUTIFULLY in her books about codependency, this kind of situation is like "eating tin foil".
I CAN'T digest it. Again, I question if things will EVER be OK between us again, all I know is that if I am made to feel like a GUEST in my OWN HOME, I can't accept it. I WILL NOT accept it anymore.
Thanks again, all, for all of your input. Life really IS GREAT; I think it's the PEOPLE that you allow into it that really does the trick. Others, again, are like eating "tin foil"...they make you ILL.
I am so glad my skids were little
When I met DH his kids were 5,6, and 9. They were little and loveable. I don't think I could stand the baby talk either. Ugh. I have an older SD who is grown and loves her Dad to death. She never ever talks like that to DH. I would probably tease the hell out of her if she did. My grown SD are a lot alike and because of that are very close.
One thing about digesting tin foil. You can choose not to do it. I would highly suggest thinking twice about ever marrying this guy.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
Im with Cruella
Think twice or make BF stand up and take care of it before you marry!
My skids are 11 and 12 and do the same things, plus they treat me bad when DH not around and kiss my butt when he is. That way when I tell him the bad things it looks like I'm getting carried away.
They act like his wife. I can't even hug or kiss him without them climbing all over us for "daddy's" hugs too. It really pisses them off when we show affection. But they have no problem with BM doing it with her multiple lovers and husband in front of them.
Be prepare for this to last a VERY long time! I'm luckier that you in one way... my SKIDS know that when their 18 they are out of my house and not to let the door hit them in the butt on the way out. Your not lucky your future SKIDS are already out of the house but their father still gives them control over what happens inside of it. Are you sure he's worth years of pain and suffering? Is he willing to stand up for you against them?
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
have you talked with him about this?
I hold no punches when it comes to strange behaviors with skids. I tell BF when something is not right or something that is bothering me. Good luck!
Boy can I relate
I have really noticed this more lately with SD12. She has started to position herself between DH and I, won't give us one minute alone when she is around and offers to do everything for him like he is an invalid or something. We were all in the den the other night, she is sitting by DH with me on the other side of her; DH said "I'm getting hungry" and SD said "I will make you something daddy". HAHAHAHAHA, she just started making her own soup out of a can and now she want's to make dinner? Dh just said "that's ok" but Evilsm being a smart ass said "Oh great, I would love a filet with mashed potatoes and green beans, when will it be ready?" I was flashed a very intersting look by SD after that. This jealousy is becoming the norm around my house recently instead of the exception, I wonder if it has something to do with her age?
When DH and I were dating I was not around SD that much (crazy BM would go apeshit if she knew I was) so this is a first for me as well, I have never experienced a child that has such a need for attention, and not by BM, only DH. Even with her being with us nearly 100% of the time it just never seems to be enough. DH and I have been married for 4 years now and it just seems to be getting worse. Not sure how to deal with this either, sorry I am not much help but you are not alone in how you feel about this. Vent away!
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
Amazing, Evil!!
Again, I have a hard time calling YOU "Evil"...you AREN'T EVIL!!
This is amazing...we are going on THREE years, and even though it's not WORSE, it's definitely still WEIRD....how about the SOUP thing, tho?? Second SD has this thing where she has to invite "daddy only" down for SOUP. Again, this broad is 27!!! They have "planned it" where he goes on a night that I teach a college class (wow, what a LOSER I AM!!), which actually works for me because I don't want to interfere with "daddy" time....how sickening is this.....but you'd think after we've been together this long I'd somehow be included.
NEW YEARS DAY...she actually had the GALL to invite "daddy only" for a ROAST (he didn't go...he didn't even tell me he was invited; I found out because she called asking if HE was coming.) Boy, did it hit the fan!! I KNOW the reason he didn't tell me is BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT IS WRONG!! A GROWN WOMAN does NOT invite ANYONE to dinner without inviting his/her SPOUSE!! And on a HOLIDAY YET. I told her off one GOOD (of course she called me f***ing crazy and I'm on her "bad list" now...boo hoo!)
Seriously, thanx to this WEBSITE and all of you WONDERFUL PEOPLE, I'm just TELLING IT LIKE IT IS to those witches anymore. They don't like me, THEIR LOSS!!! But, as you well know, it creates a TERRIBLE STRAIN in the marriage. I think one of them told "daddy" she's not coming to our house again. WHY? Because she has to be RESPECTFUL when she comes?
I just don't know if this tension will ever go away. The only thing I know is, if our marriage DOES break up, those SCUMBAGS have to know it was THEIR FAULT and live with it. Oh, karma....I can't wait to see what their payback will be!!
Tension
It has been bad for a while for us too. I have been trying to let go of the frustration this situation has brought and allow my DH to be who he is but that is not easy either. I am just not use to someone competing with me in my own home, it's a strange feeling. My poor DH has been through so much with BM and SD in the past years that it is difficult for me to talk about either of them with him because he is so sensative. I'm just trying to let it go, not going to be stepped on by anyone but I really want my relationship with DH back to where it was before all the stress.
My DH also has a grown SD in her 30s, they talk on the phone every day and we live very close to each other. I think she is jealous of SD and the attention she gets from DH, and THAT is strange too. For the most part we get along ok, there have been a few times that I felt she overstepped her boundries and have let DH know it and her to some degree. I try not to get involved at all anymore but there are times that I just can't seem to keep my big mouth shut. BTW, don't let those ingrates have the pleasure of thinking they broke up your marriage. Karma or no they will no doubt relish in the idea that they contributed.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
Kitty
Let me commend you for waiting til your kids were grown to get involved with someone. I think that many problems are avoided (not eliminated) by doing so.
As for the baby talking grown women-------you need to be completely honest with this man. Tell him what you are sensing/seeing/noticing so that he is aware. Men have a hard time connecting the dots so put the dots real close for him. Give him a little time & be patient but if it continues don't fall in love with him for God's sake. Those b will make you miserable.
Good luck.
Oh let me throw my 54987320 cents in...
C'mere, Kitteh Kitteh, lemme tell you a lil story...*pats seat*...
First, let me apologize to all the old-timers that have heard this story fifteen kabillion times!!
I married my stbx husband after three weeks. Yep, count 'em, three weeks. His older daughter (almost 20) thought it was great, *I* was great, and was thrilled to have me and me her. (At first). She warned me the younger one (almost 18) at the time was "Daddy's girl," and "was spoiled as hell" and nobody was gonna take away her Daddy. Enter Fearless...Younger Daugher meets me as his fiance at first, which threw her for a loop, and then all of a sudden,
BAM!
I'm his wife and I'm met with HUGE resentment (the kid and I clashed personality wise to begin with.) A month or two after we were married (and while we were in bed, I might add, engaging in grown up activities) she LETS her self in through the garage, bleating for her dad (since her dad didn't answer the doorbell or the phone because we were BUSY)...because she's locked her keys in her truck, and her dad had an extra set. Now let me clarify; the kid's mom lived around the corner basically, so it's not like she was in a *real* bind...she just wanted what she wanted and she wanted it RIGHT NOW with no concern or consideration for the NEW lady of the house (me.)
Well let me say I was FURIOUS...considering she the kid threw a grand mal spoiled little BI*CHFIT and proceeds to look at ME like I was a cockroach that just crawled out the wall and I left the room. (This is after DH yelled at her for just barging in the house in front of me, which I'm sure didn't help...but then I find out he called and APOLOGIZED to her for yelling...and it's like, go ahead and enable her, you dumb sh*t).
ANYWAY I was LIVID and after she left I raised UNHOLY hell and informed him that "you told me this was MY HOME and NO SPOILED LITTLE BITCH (oh yes, I went there) was going to RUN ME OUT OF IT!!!!" The point is, she didn't respect me, and she continued to disrespect me as did the older one ESPECIALLY when the ex started with me (she was a complete c*nt to me the first time I met her) and DH did make a valiant effort to set things straight, but then his older one got up in THAT koolaid after I left a party the mother was at (because the woman was EVERYWHERE and HOW was I supposed to get to know his family when I was constantly overshadowed by the bitch, however, his family didn't give a shit and continued to invite her to everything and I took it as a slap in the face, finally I just left an event in a big "f*ck you," to all of them...)
The older one (after we lent her $375 for her rent, I might add) emailed her father about how BM's widdle feelings were HURT that I left the event...you see, she meant no HARM, she was TRYING to be nice (the bitch was as cold as ice to me, ask my mom, she was there) she wouldn't hurt a FLY couldn't we all just get along...I literally saw RED and sure enough, their father cowed right down and instead of telling his older daughter MIND YOUR OWN F*CKING BUSINESS, THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND FEARLESS AND YOUR MOTHER... HE informed ME that *I* had to get along with everyone (including his ex who got away with being a supreme bitch towards me and his family rallied around HER because the poor dear was just UNCOMFORTABLE, like I said) or there was the door.
So much for respecting me as his wife, right?? So much for my place AS his WIFE, right??
Regardless, I chose to stay, because I wasn't going to let them "win." I was gonna be DAMNED if I let his ex and his daughters run ME off.
But what did I really accomplish? What did I really "win"???
I "won" another year and a half of stress, misery and getting put dead last behind Daddy's little Darlings, his ex and his family...I should've seen the light when his dear little sweeties took ol' dad out for his birthday to lunch and Fearless wasn't invited (granted, I couldn't have come anyway but still, I should've been invited.) Younger daughter & Daddy had dinners together routinely that Fearless wasn't invited to. (Actually I encouraged that so I wouldn't have to be nauseated watching the two of them coo at each other.)
I guess the point I'm making is if I'd merely DATED this man I would have been a LOT better off and I really did struggle to make it work. When I decided they could go f*ck themselves, THAT's when I "won."
I won my independence.
I won the fact that no longer will I EVER have to "bow down" to some little b*tch because THAT'S HER DADDY.
I won my sanity back. I won my self confidence back.
But most of all, I won ME. And I am happier, stronger and better than I have ever been.
Again, for some it's staying in. For me, it was getting out. I too refused to be made to feel like a guest in my own home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just some thoughts, Kittykat!!
HUGS
Fearless
________________________________________________________________
Soon to be Fearless the Free!
Dang woman!!! Good for
Dang woman!!! Good for you!!! What is up with these whack-job daughters wanting to walk into their father's bedrooms. My bf's daughter does that every weekend when she comes home at night from her dates. HELLO...the outside door she comes in through is on the other side of the bedroom wall...she'll OPEN the bedroom door and walk in and have to have a conversation with him...HELLO!!! And she KNOWS I'm there because my car is in the driveway. I made my bf start locking it...you should hear her still trying to get in...she practically pulls the door down.
UGH...anyway...I digress.
Even if you had just kept dating, you would have still had the same issues. Be glad you told them to f-off and left the whack-o's.
My point
EXACTLY!
FEARLESS,
YOU WON!!!!!!!!!
My point
EXACTLY!
FEARLESS,
YOU WON!!!!!!!!!
Well said Fearless! Take
Well said Fearless!
Take Care
Lovin-life
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