Step Talk

glad it worked out i to at first was offended when my ex?? asked me to use pron in the bedroom but turns out i liked it !

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

It was the sneaking and the lying that upset me the most I think. I just cant stand liars.

very annoying he used to moan if i asked for his password to switch his phone on to use it it was liek what you need it for that made me quite like what are you hiding that this is such a big deal turns out planning to leave hahahahaha

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

I think that your doing the right thing. I caught my xdh many times on the porn thing. I kept telling him I couldn't live with it. But, it didn't stop him. I think he thought that if he kept at it enough then I would cave in and let him have it. Oh, I let him have it alright! Now he's my ex! To me, porn is just like having an affair with another woman. Only with several different women. And the constant lying and trying to cover it up! Made me sick to my stomach.

I suspected this might be what is going on with your husband. Mine was a little nervous about having sex once I got pregnant, for fear he might hurt the baby. I just don't see why your husband had to lie about it!

Frustrated, I'm so glad he finally came clean about everything and apologized to you. I think that most guys look at porn because they are men - I know it sounds like a lame excuse but men are wired to be more visual about it then us women. I know this may seem weird but perhaps you could both look at some together from time to time - or go and pick one out together. Believe it or not - it can be fun!!

Lying is NOT ACCEPTABLE, but maybe this is a doorway into a new adventure for your marriage.... perhaps he is seeking something new? I know many women think that it is demeaning - try not to see it that way; perhaps you could surprise your husband and be willing to fantasize, experiment, watch, etc. if it's WITH you.... just think what spice it could add to your relationship ?!?

I have told my DH that he can look, read, watch whatever, as long as he comes to me to ‘play’ ! You would not believe how happy that made him and how very willing he is to please me

to spice things up a bit. Watching porn together can be alot of fun....although my DH and I don't make it very far into the "movie"...LOL, but thats what it's all about. :)"~waiting on the world to change~"

I agree Chel and Doormat - it can be a lot of fun. About a month ago I also went to a strip club with my fiancee and had a blast - I totally think that being open to new things and experiences will not only bring you 2 together but will make that part of your life that uch more fulfilling.

going to a strip club,w/ your honey can be quite exciting...you end up getting alot of attention....and even more so when you get home!!"~waiting on the world to change~"

and of course my "girl on a mission, shopping side" came out, and I bought a pair of "stripper shoes"....I just had to have them!"~waiting on the world to change~"

I gotta tell ya Chel, I have a new found respect for those girls dancing in those heels - wow!! And you're right we get more attention then the guys do....

My DH isn't into porn. He may enjoy stumbling onto an SI swimsuit issue or a cinemax after dark show, but fortunately doesn't seek it out.

He does however, not always understand (most men don't I think) that our libidos are directly tied to our current body image. If you're pregnant I think you know what I'm talking about. I still have 25 pounds on 2 1/2 years after Anna, and my body is betraying its former image, the one that it enjoyed pre-Anna, pre-DH. So when I do see the SI swimsuit issue sitting out somewhere like the bathroom or bedroom, I tell him that I'm sorry I'm so insecure, but please put it away somewhere (especially somewhere that my sons won't find it!)

We women must remember too though, that men are not so inclined to relate their body image to their libido, which are almost always way more intense then ours. And I haven't meant many, run of the mill husbands who wouldn't rather see their real life lover in all her glory than someone in a magazine. When we turn them away over our own insecurity, they resort to those "paper dolls".

I know that I also have trouble wanting intimacy when I am stressed (what SM isn't?) or giving all my nurturing out to a 2 1/2 year old all day, or just plain tired from my current position as CEO of This Blended Family Corp. I have been staying up way too late, too wired for sleep, then he wakes up at five for work with a "smile" to greet me. I comply, because I love him, but I'm pretty ungracious about it after 4 hours of sleep.

So this week I finally told him, "I love you so much I don't say no even when I want to say no. I don't like that, because it makes me feel resentful of the intrusion into my sleep. Could we strike a compromise? As in you compromise your sleep when I come to bed late, so you can get lucky, and I will be much more receptive to the idea since I'm already not sleeping?

Let's just say he saw that as a win-win situation!

I hope your DH and you continue to talk openly about this kind of stuff. It is always far better to be honest about it all than build up resentments. But remember it's a two way street. If he said he felt he didn't want to bother you with sex, perhaps he feels it is a bother for you, but still feels uncomfortable telling you that and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you his.

Goodluck!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

w/my tummy after our (my 3d) child was born...c-section to boot. I told my hubby this and he just smiled, and said...."I was not looking your tummy", especially when I'm wearing those shoes! LOL. I have been feeling better about it lately.~waiting on the world to change~"

Girls, Girls, Girls...Porn is usually a DISTANT 2nd to Our SOs, TRUST ME, We'd MUCH RATHER have Real Adult Playtime, than the tv or or a skin mag! Don't Believe Me? Surprise Your Old Man in Lingeree or Nude,with His Favorite Perfume on, and see how fast He takes the bait...

It doesn't matter to Us that You "Feel Fat" or have put on a few pounds from having Our Kid/s, 'cause We LOVE YOU, and You Turn Us On by Who You are, as much as How You Look!

The Girls who mentioned going to Dancer Bars, are right, You will draw attention from the Dancers, and Your SO...
As for the Porn, Most "Adult Novelty" Stores have a Couples Section for Movies, Personally I recommend "Night Trips", a lot of My Female Freinds, as well as Freinds SOs that were normally NOT Receptive, Enjoyed it, immensely, it will probably be in the "Classics" section if You don't see it in "Couples". Or Try making Your Own Movie, watching Yourselves can be a HUGE Turn On! Just Make Sure You don't leave it where the kids can find it...LOL

Steve
Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

"~waiting on the world to change~"

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing... sometimes it is needed to hear (read) it just to remember it! You know, that inner voice tells us one thing over and over and over.... hard to replace the positive affirmations.

But, I absolutely agree with you... I KNOW my hubby would rather have the real deal... even if he wants to 'read' up on ummmm.... techniques.

that subject ladies. he knows what he's talking about. I won't say that I still don't feel a little insecure but I deal with it. It's just TV for gods sake. On the flip side my DH gets insecure when other men look at me. He holds me just a little tighter and I eat it up. So I say go ahead and watch your videos and then watch momma strut her stuff.