Step Talk

your DH will be beaming with pride about his children, and you can't really, truly, share in that pride, because they dont' belong to you. this is the toughest part of being a stepparent. we are expected to a degree, to care for these kids and tolerate a certain amount of the bullshit, but at the end of the day, they aren't really ours and there are no rewards.

i guess all i can suggest is that you try your best to feel a bit of your 'ownership.' meaning: you are a great stepmom, they are LUCKY to have you in their life and i mean LUCKY. you can be the cool, hip interesting and 'with it' stepmom and not the money grubbing controlling BM that probably is in your life. you have an opportunity to carve out your own niche with this pre-made family - on that can only belong to YOU. start now and see if that works. and one day, when you have a child of your own, you'll finally be able to know what it feels like to beam with pride about him/her.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

thats a great way to look at it...thank u!
i guess i never really do feel like a part of all that bc we arent married yet. i know im a good stepmom, at least i try really hard, but u know how that goes...no one else looks at it like that unless yr Bio or have your own kids. thats another thing...i dont want his family, especially those that dont know me or see him very often, thinking that im just another woman...first it was ex-wife/BM1, then BM2, though she was never involved in family stuff...he kept her away...what a sign, eh? but they have a kid together. its just kinda different.
i will definitely try to focus on this tomorrow unknown...thank u for ur advice and understanding.

Bella - walk in with him hand in hand and flash everyone a killer smile. When talking to members of his family, if you get an opportunity, brag about something cute she did or how well she's coming along in potty training or something. There is no reason you cant join in on the bragging, after all you are her step-mother. This will show them how committed you are and how much you care for her and they will be less likely to view you as just "another woman".