Step Talk

You're right, once is an accident. Seven times is a pattern. What gets me is he had to know you would find out eventually. And why would he say "I am going to be honest" when he's not?

I am sure you are mad and frustrated right now!

I have blown a gasket over crap like this w/ my ex, and my SS, who was only 13 at the time and was looking at porn on the computer, and then we started getting e-mails with all of these web sites, and a bunch of pop up's. My Ex , I believe had an addiction, I used to think it had to do w/ me, that I was not enough.....now I realize...finally, that it was all his problem, and I moved on. I hate when they LIE about it, or the stupid explanations they give!!!!"~waiting on the world to change~"

The thing is, his ex at one point had told me how when they were married he use to surf the web and watch porn on their home computer. Did I think she was exaggerating?? yeah.. a little.. as she said he was obsessed w/it. In the 5 yrs I have known him, I have never found anything like this.. so of course I was thinking, she made this crap up.

NOW I get a bill for $71 for smut.. I am boiling. I dont need this crap right now. I dont. I really really dont. I dont even want to go home tonight. I am disgusted. I dont know that I want to be in this relationship anymore. I put up w/crap because of HIM. PSYCHO ex, because of him, unruly children, because of him.. NOW.. PORN, I dont think so.

He also cheated on the ex, So I guess I should go looking for signs of that, as I am sure that a leopard doesnt really change their spots. I actually want to throw up right now. I am so sick to my stomach at this.

Like you wouldn't find this out being the one that pays the bills!! Unbelievable.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

$71?! OK, We had an issue with our cable service mistakenly charging us for porn. It was the same movie twice, once at 10AM on a Friday when we were both working & SD8 was at school, and once at 2AM that Saturday when we were all home and sleeping.

My DH insisted he didn't order them, and since he was the one who opened the bill and could have just paid it w/o me ever knowing, I believed him. I was on the phone w the cable company for an hour getting them to remove the charge. At one point they implied that someone could have broken into our home and ordered the movies because that would have been our liability.

I said, "Someone broke into our house TWICE, once when we were home, and watched the same movie both times but didn't steal anything?" And the cable guy said, "Well, it's possible."

Ordering accidentally? I doubt it. Our service has some free movies and some pay movies and it's pretty easy to tell the difference. There's dollar signs and pop-up messages warning that YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CHARGED.

That is disgusting and demeaning. What will you say to him when you see him?

And you know, if you don't want to go home tonight, don't. It might help you to get your thoughts together and plan how to handle this if you stay at a nice hotel or with a friend instead of heading straight into what is bound to be a very emotional confrontation.

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

He probably didnt count on me checking out bank statements. This is an auto pay bill, so we dont get itemized bills, but I do check the account religously, not sure if he thought that I wouldnt call and ask about it?!?!?!

I checked his cell phone records, and all the numbers look like work numbers, I did the reverse look up on a lot of them... all military installations.

I just want a different life.

I think I would take his ex's warning a little more serious like you had already suggested, if he lies about this what else will he lie about ya know.
I understand your anger completely.
My FH lied to me about something silly and I nearly blew a gasket!
good luck frustrated.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I want the effin life that I HAD prior to meeting him. I want to be single and happy again. I want my money to be MY MONEY and have back my clean condo, my stress free life from the bm and the skids. I want to be able to spend my money w/o some one's ex questioning it.

WHY did I ever wish I were married???!?!?! WHY!? Its not that great. From where I am standing right now it SUCKS.

Sh*t that he has brought into this marriage..

NO SAVINGS
NO ASSETS
Bratty children
Psycho Ex that has assualted me and continues to belittle me

What I brought into the marriage:
A 401k
a F N HOUSE
NO BAGGAGE!!!!!

I have put off my marriage since finding this site as well as putting off having FH live with me.
his younger two are fine, but his older one, is a nightmare, pot smoking beer drinking cigerette smoking jobless 9th grade educ. 18 y/o- and talk about anger issues.
I made out a contract for FH and his BS they follow the rules or they go, it is harsh but I dont want to end up hating him (FH) and his son will lead to that.
I DO NOT use my money to support him or his kids.
thank god for this site.
I am here PM me if you want to chat!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

tell him lying is a deal breaker for you. then hand him a hustler magazine and a tube of vaseline and tell him to 'knock himself out.'

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

I'm sorry FrustratedinMa.

$71 on porn. Hell, he could've bought you some GOOD lingerie and gotten the real deal.

I think the fibbing is worse though. I mean what is he thinking? I'd "accidentally" go get a hotel room and "accidentally" go have a spa day and "accidentally" go shopping to make myself feel better seven times over...

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

My ex lived in the bathroom with his porn mags and I hated it. Hated how unattractive it made me feel. Good luck frustratedinMA sorry you are having to go through this.

Oh he deserves a bonk on the head with my cast iron frying pan!!! KABONNNNNNG!!!!!!

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

I know if we did this type of thing to our men....they would feel the same way..I think alot would feel very "threatened", still have not figured out why they don't understand.????"~waiting on the world to change~"

your right CG, they are different, I have had that excuse tossed at me many times...."you know all men are known for their pig traits, and women for their bitchy ones" This is just not fair, and I'm really sick of the men that use this so-called trait to get off the hook when it comes to stuff like this. Don't mean to bash....sorry guys, but when does it end??"~waiting on the world to change~"

attend a sex party,come home with a bag of huge vibrating black dildos (to diminish the size of his manhood) and ask him when the next time he's going 'out'. seriously. how would he feel? a little taste of their own medicine always helps.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Ya id leave for a couple of weeks...are the utilities etc in your name?

I know for me that if my guy was racking up 71 on porn he would be GONE!! If I cant do it for him than thats it! THat would totally discust me to no end!!!

Good luck.....oh and the frying pan sounds good too!

I hate to play devil's advocate but all men watch porn. Those who say they don't are liars. Some have a problem with it and some do it once in awhile. Men do not relate porn to their wives. It is a separate thing. It does not mean he is not satisfied with you any more than him masturbating means this. It sucks about the money he spent, though. I would have a conversation about this with him. The only reason he lied about it is because he knows you will be disappointed and he is afraid of your scorn. Give the guy a break. My advice it to try and be a little understanding. And yes, I am a woman. I can understand how you feel. Women take our men watching porn as an insult. We shouldn't.

but paying for it is dumb when you can get it on the web for free! I hate it when BF makes an unauthorized purchase for his little "angels" especially the youngest one!!! See my blog on "little ritual"