Step Talk

I am so sorry you're going through this. It's typical after a break up to obsess about the ex. Perfectly normal. Is there something else you can focus on? Work? A project? A makeover? (Frankly, I like the makeover the best. You are starting over anyway, so you might as well get a new look, even if it's just dying your hair a different color & getting the makeup to match.) Didn't you say you have a house? Are you going to keep it? If so, make that over. Make it all about you, even if it's just coats of paint. Are you going to sell the house? That's something to dive into. Even if this only gets your mind off of him for only a little while everday, it's still helping you.

Yeah, the best revenge is living well, but even if you're not into revenge, living well is still healthy, so remember to take time to do something good for yourself everyday. It will help you deal with your grieving process.

I think you might want to consider getting a pet. I think you said that he took your dogs, it's too expensive to rescue another, & you don't have time because you work. Understandable. I have indoor cats, which are a lot less maintanence than the one dog I have. If you don't want to leave a cat home alone, get 2 kittens (I'm sure you can get them for free soemwhere) from the same litter. In my experience, those cats end up friendlier when they grow up.

Hi there...I'm so sorry you had a bad night. I know you must be hearing this from all angles right now but this will get better.
Are you a reader? If so, when you find yourself not being able to sleep or only dreaming of him, pick up a book, that may help take your mind off of things for a while.

Your previous posts will help remind you that you've been in an impossible situation and you've made the difficult choice to free yourself from it. He basically drove the wedge between the two of you. Try to remember that when you're sleepless and hurting.

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

i tend to watch DVDs in bed or something i have to much words to look at while im working haha

the thing is i dont even knwo if i want to take my mind of it the more i greive now the quicker i will get over it and the less likely i am to want him back. i just want to fight it and get over it

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

I'm sorry about the dreams- just want you to know, I know how it feels, because right after my first husband, my son's father moved out, I was ok for awhile. But when I found out he had a girlfriend, I started dreaming about him a lot. And pretty much every night for awhile. It made me so sad. And I felt tired like you.

I prayed to stop dreaming those things, eventually I did.

You'll stop having those dreams pretty soon, I promise.

it will take a bit but u will start to feel better every day u wake up...and every nite you'll sleep a little more.
hang in there...youre doing great
next time u have a bad dream and cant sleep, call a girlfriend! thats what theyre there for!

I remember when the guy I was seeing told me he was leaving his wife and would be with me. I told him if he swayed back away from me again I couldn't take it and was done. This was Oct. THEN the holidays came, filled with nostalgia, and his thinking, once again, became morbidly fixed on "This is the last time I'll put up the tree with them...this is the last time I'll go to my in-laws." He changed his mind again and I was done. It just so happened to be the first week in Jan. A HORRIBLE time to be heartsick.

Everywhere I turned there were reminders. Songs his band played would come on the radio. People I knew only through him, who lived in another city would show up in my office where I worked, or in Borders when I was browsing (THAT was an odd occurrence- I literally looked at one guy I hadn't seen in years and finally realized it was one of his friends. I turned away directly into the line of site of the owner of the bar where I last saw him play. I felt like I was under attack!)
There were more, too many to list.

I had just read a book called God Winks-the Power of Coincidence in Your Life. It talked about how when you are needing direction, these "winks" will appear to you and show you the way.

Well....I found them damn confusing, these constant reminders when I was trying to let go and move on. Did they mean that I wasn't supposed to move on?

Well...perhaps they meant I wasn't supposed to move on yet. You see, my DH had just moved to Ohio, and was still married to BM (miserably.) So perhaps I was being encouraged to stay stuck for a little while, until DH and I were both ready for each other. I also took a full year to even want to date again, to really want to let it go and move on. Once I made that decision, when I was really ready for it, I met DH 3 weeks LATER.

While I was healing my heart, I read a fabulous book I would encourage you to pick up. It's called, "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzandt. It is about how there are no "failed" relationships, because everyone of them, no matter how painful, teaches you more about yourself and who you really want to end up with. So you can see your heartache now with a sense of gratitude for the lessons it has brought you, so that when you meet your intended match you will be ready and recognize him.

I know this happened for me. When I met DH I kept thinking "too short" or "too conservative" or "he's NOT artistic at ALL! I want someone who is artistic!"

But...as a little time wore on, I started thinking, "He's incredibly generous with people" and "he loves me in such an amazing way" and "I feel at peace in his company" and "he's such a wonderful father" and "I've never met someone so concerned with my dreams in life"

You get the picture.

If I hadn't gone through what I did with that Blues musician, I would never have appreciated DH enough to choose him.

Goodluck,
And grab that book!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

my fiance was married to BM1...they got married bc they thot it was the rite thing to do after having a son together and another on the way. they were together for years, never really happy, just living day to day going thru the motions, until she decided having a family was no longer for her (i blame this on having SS20 at the age of 20, but i disgress). anyway, my fiance was miserable, heartbroken, felt like a failure...had no self worth, self confidence...was in a very bad place, not bc he loved BM but bc his life as he knew it and was used to was changing. this led him to meeting and "settling" for whacko BM 2. he stayed w her bc he didnt think he could get better after what BM1 had done and he just accepted that his life was going to be just an exercise in moving thru the motions, never being happy at all. he told me he never used to dream at nite or even think about the future. then he met me. he says i saved him. and he says he couldnt have done it again if he didnt absolutely know i was the rite one. now he appreciates me and knows what we have is special and we both know we will fight to keep that strong bc its rare and its beautiful.
so the bottom line is, having these heartaches opens our hearts for what we really truly want, what we can live w and how we want our lives to be. as always, sita's given some wise words...take them to heart and focus on that when youre feeling down rite now.

even tho i dont ejoy reading maybe it will help so and im willing to try anything im off home soon even tho it doesnt feel like home right now it feels like some strange place its just not right being so quiet i hate it and i been pissing my neighbours off royle at the min although they understand what they going through it cant be good for them to be listening to my dirty dancin album and cheesy 80's songs all night.

thank you all for your support

and no name i just hope that girlfriend comes along soon so it doesnt throw me back when im just getting over it or something thats just my luck at the min

my doc is going to change my anti depressants on friday if i still havent slept to a sedative one

god only knows what id be like if i wasnt already on anti depressants i think id be dead by now ive considered it a few times while on them

I love it! Go out and tear up some turf girl. Take some of your frustrations out on it. Go to bhg.com and look at some of the slideshows they have for garden ideas. I would much rather be doing that than being here at work right now. I can't wait for retirement. I have a long damn ways to go though.

Recommended book that everyone should read: The Shack by William P. Young

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac