Hi--I'm Lisa and I've been married to DH over 2 years. No kids myself, and his SD15 and SD13 live with us FT.
Yesterday before we sit down to the breakfast I made for Father's Day, I ask SD15 to get Dad's card/gift and bring it to the breakfast table. (I knew she had nothing.) She goes to her room for 20 minutes to make a card. (She's got a job, money, access)
Her normally passive father rips into her a few minutes after she comes to the table with a piece of typing paper made into a "card" with a magic marker. I'm standing behind my DH making the shape of an L on my forehead, mouthing the words "you're a loser." to her....
(So now that I've shown myself in the worst possible light, let me say that I was a sane woman before I got married and became a full time mother to children who already have a mother...a horrible one at that. Raising other people's children is the hardest job I think.)
The SD15 then does what she always does--writes her father a "letter" telling him how hard her life is, and how horrible it is to have me here. A tale of woe, wrapped in manipulation, anger, drama and narcissism. DH is a deer in the headlights, and is manipulated by her.
I rise to the occasion, suck it up and take her by the hand and do a group hug---telling them "we're all ok---all we need to do is work at this better. We are gonna take you to therapy---get you the help you need, and we'll all be alright. I'm sorry this has been so hard..." I say.
We go out for the day. I drop all kinds of cash on father's day, and on feeding them for the day. (The kids have obesity issues...but that's another story.)
Today comes and we're fighting again-----he doesn't want to send her to therapy every week. He agreed to send her, but not every week. She had the nerve to call her father this morning---the one she crapped on on Father's day, asking him to bring something she forgot up to school. He should have hung up on her.
My poor husband. He really wants to stand up to her, and act like the grown-up. She's a clone of her castrating mother. I just want her to move in with her useless mother and allow my DH and I have harmony in our marriage. SD13 stays here with us, it works for me just fine.
If we're not going to send her to therapy every week, then let's just let her go to her mother's---who doesn't want her anyway. Why the hell am I trying to teach this kid values and morals? All she does is lie, cheat, manipulate, eat, sit on her ass---all with very few consequences. DH thinks we can just set a good example for her and she'll follow suit. Not with the pig she's got for a mother.
Like I said--I used to be a normal woman. I smiled. I had fun. I didn't plot how I was going to catch a stupid teenager in a lie. I felt good. I cooked good food that people appreciated.
My DH is the most wonderful man----except when it comes to this kid, and his ex. He shrivels up.
We're going to therapy later today. Maybe the shrink can help him move this along. This kid is a piece of garbage---she has been since I met her when she was 12. You know how she got that way? Her mother taught her.
OK--that's my rant. Today I'll work on myself and my life and disengaging from their insanity.
Thanks!
Oh lisamag! I feel your pain!
Your comment "My DH is the most wonderful man----except when it comes to this kid, and his ex. He shrivels up." Stikes home with me!
I have been suggesting that someone (8 total inc. BM) get some professional help. A few weeks ago durring one of these rants, I stopped and had a lightbulb moment! I told DH "Forget it! I'm the one who needs therapy" I'm going this week. I hope it has helped you and your situation.
LMAO for real..sure those aren't MY step kids your talken about!
OMG!
My B.F has 5..YES 5 kids ok!
One moved in with us about 3 months ago( he is 15) " Love the hell out of him",
I myself only had one child ever in my life ok( he is 15), so this whole 5 kid thing was new to me, and B.M made it a total strain.
My B.F kids struggle with being obeist,except the one that lives with us, he is healthy and fit.
Now Youngest daughter(11 years old) came and spent 3 days here before fathers day, Fathers day came " NO" phone call to wish happy daddys day " Nothing".
Now his other daughter who is ( 13) came to stay the night that Sunday for fathers day, so all he had was 2 kids that showed thay gave a crap, " WHY"????
B.M thats why, she is as looney as some person admitted on the 3rd floor in some psych ward for real " drama, drama, drama"
Mind you youngest S.D we spent like 150 on B-day and you think she could ATLEAST call, exspecially after just leaving here!
His other 2 boys( ages14 and 16) never called either, it grinds my ass cause he pays C.P faithfully " alot" at that, and these kids think they have it so dam bad.
Let me tell you, my father didn't do crap, I watched my mom raise 4 kids and work two jobs to keep food on the table, she barely got C.P, on a generous day he floated maybe 25 bucks here and there, I can remember being pregnent at 17 years old, 7 months, sleeping on a hard wood floor because my mother could not afford a bed, and here my father bought his girlfriends kids all new beds..
ERRRR, pisses me off when I hear the bitching and cring,
My SK have NO IDEA what its like to really go without, and they couldn't even call on Fathers day?
Tell ya what, I forgive but I never forget..In my memorie bank it goes, and the day will come I will pull it out and think " hmmm".
I feel ya, it erks ya, cant tell you how many times I wanted to just puke because of the manipulation.
Stand your ground, if anything..for yourself!
" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."
Same thing here
this past father's day, SD9 pronounced that BM had given her "all kinds of junk food" before she came to our house and PROUDLY proclaimed that she had eaten over a dozen s'mores!!!!
I thought the day will come (in a couple of years or so; right now she flips the switch between so called "tom boy" and crybaby princess quite frequently) when she will be EMBARRASSED to say how much food she's actually gorged herself on. The two oldest are rocketing toward obesity. BM is getting bigger every day just like her extremely overweight mother that she is still umbilically attached to. Her fiancee is a heavy dude as well. The youngest SS 5 1/2 is still at a healthy weight but not for long! And yes, BF CRUMBLES at the sight of BM and skids, however he has NO problems telling me where to go and what to do! Such a CONTRAST!
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