No experience with this to offer. Just want to send you mighty thoughts of strength.

YES. A year ago, I told fdh that he had to go visit his kid else where. Which pretty much meant at FMIL's house, who is basically raising the kid anyway. The kid lives there, and was coming to my house EVERY WEEKEND. Well, 2 years later enough was enough. Want to salvage what is left of our relationship fdh? Then take your kid and stay THERE on the weekends.

I was close to staying in a hotel every time my SS8 showed up. Husband basically doesn't have any family (not even bio kid) so either he was going with the brat to a hotel or I was. I felt it was easier for me to do it. But thankfully it didn't get to that point (yet, lol). Right around that time which was April, we moved due to DH job transfer. I thought that was going to solve some of my issues but apparently 4 hours is not far enough to stop the BM from pushing her Oopsie on us as often as possible. So by June I was going to stay somewhere else PERMANENTLY! Lol Again, didn't get to that point and this Month has actually been the best of our whole marriage. And it's not unnoticed that it's the first Month we haven't had the SS8 at all!

I think if it came to Husband not believing you and strolling in with the kid, maybe You should go just to show him how much you will not be around the kid if it's that much trouble? I don't know how inconvenient it would be but for me, I was willing to do anything necessary to get away from the toxic environment that's created when that kid is here.

Does your DH pay any bills in your home? Cuz if so, this has to be the most disrespectful thing I could think of for you to do to him.

I know, FOR DAMN SURE, if my DH tried to "send me away" to see my children, I'd slap his happy ass with divorce papers that day.

If a situation in your own home becomes so untenable that the only solution is to remove the stressor, then that's what you have to do. Fortunately my stressor was old enough to make the decision not to come to our home on her own, so I didn't have to give that ultimatum (but I was getting DAMN close).

However, when I was pregnant with DD2, I had to keep SD away from me. I was on pelvic bedrest, had pre-eclampsia, and a breech baby. Her lies, theatrics, manipulation, and grating voice were literally making me sick. The end of it was when she got in my face, threatening me in a violent and frightening way, and I was eight months pregnant. DH protected me without hesitation, and with vengence. I was hospitalized for almost 48 hours after the confrontation to stop the onset of labor. He knew immediately that SD could not be in the same vicinity as me again, at least while I was vulnerable and near my breaking point. He never brought up the idea of her coming to our home. He knew she had passed the point of no return with me, and he facilitated a few visits with her, alone, in public places.

I put all of that behind us when she truly seemed to want our closeness back. I gave my whole heart to her, again, without thinking twice. Should have thought twice.

If your DH can't understand why things need to be this way, he needs to see YOU. He's either not looking at what's happening to you, or just doesn't want to see it. You have no control over what's happening to your life because of BM and her spawn, and it's not petty things they're messing with. This is a total sabotage of your entire life. You shouldn't have to deal with this just because you love a man that has a child with someone else. That's scary and dangerous. Good luck, I really hope that your husband had his listening ears on the other night. Incredibly disrespectful and dismissive if he shows up with SS at your home. If he doesn't agree with what you've asked of him, he should at least be man enough to talk it through, HELP you come up with alternatives, and find common ground. Choosing to ignore what you're experiencing is not how things are resolved. All he's asking for by acting that way is broken trust and resentment. It isn't YOU that created this dynamic, and you have a responsibility to yourself to be healthy, happy, and successful. No one else can do that for you, but they can certainly create the opposite for you.

Clearly An Upgrade, thank you! I am up right now, because I am so stressed out over this mess that I can't sleep (gonna be a fun morning when the alarm rings at 5:30). I can't tell you how much a message like this means to me...I'm sitting here alone, no one to talk to, and sad and I know this is so corny, but I just felt like your message was a hug.

Good luck with this - I liked ClearlyanUpgrade's reply. It nearly reached a point where I was going to ask DH to do this, ie meet SDs elsewhere, as I was so stressed out by them. I think he would have agreed, too, as he realised I was at breaking point. However, things are a little calmer now. Will be interested to know how things go from here, he has somewhere to be with his son - MIL's, so I don't see any reason he can't do this.

Yes I am in that situation at the moment, it's an ongoing process. DH has spent one visit in a hotel with SS's but and this is an interesting point. My point is that both of SS's together are hellions, the behaviour becomes intolerable and stressing, separately they are ok with me. However DH spent that last visit with OSS for 2 days in a hotel and then YSS for 2 days in a hotel - so he split the visit and didnt have both of them together. (Quite telling) He was gone for 4 days.

This was always a temporary solution in DH's eyes though I would be happy to never see OSS again as he is the instigator.

Next week we return to having YSS visit here alone. At this time I do not know what happens with OSS, that is between him and his father but OSS isnt using my home as a hotel and treating me poorly. So as we go forward we have one skid visiting at home and another ????? (They are teens)

DH has told OSS that he is now old enough to ask to visit when he wants rather than have things arranged but the downside to that (as far as OSS is concerned) is that he has also been told by DH that he OSS must make an effort with me. So far OSS has made no movement towards me and we are both expecting him to request to visit when he and DH ususally do their "hobby thing". What OSS does not realise is that he isnt going to the "hobby thing" DH is not taking him, due to his behaviour during his last visit at our home.

So I expect it will all kick off next month when that realisation hits.

Not my problem, not my kid.

I have often wondered if this would help us. The SD is a spoiled demanding brat that is good as long as no one tells her no. My son and I have made plans to "be out of town" this weekend, but there are fall festivals I would like my soon to be DH and I to go to.
So, my stubborn streak has said bull poop. He and I are going and if she cuts up she can sit in the car. Not going to let 4 days a month ruin our relationship. Still have my heels dug in that I will not be a personal chef this weekend. Cereal and sandwiches will have to do. I will cook supper but that's it.

When DBF was married to BM I gathered he used to take the girls for the weekend and go to his mothers house. (b/c they were in a lovelss marriage) I don't think it would take much prodding from me to steer him in that direction again since he's a mama's boy. In fact, it would give him more time with his family, less time of me doing battle with SD6 and more time to myself. The problem with that is that it gives SD6 full reign to play mini-wife without anyone having a problem with it. I HATE THIS STEP SHIT!!!!!!!!

The most obvious thing I'm getting from the content of all the posts on this topic, (and most other threads as well) is that the SM's have tried, and tried, and tried again to find a solution other than "banning" skid from the house. It goes without saying that the bulk of the SP's on this site are here because we CARE about our DH/DW's, and their kid(s), and we're killing ourselves with the anxiety and efforts of getting to that blissful (albeit elusive) place of cohesive blended family status.

We all have our own roadblocks on the way to that "dream"; whether it be a crazy BM that lays on the PAS, an assh*le skid, an unsupportive DH, meddling in-laws and other extended "family" members, or a combination of all of the above. The SM especially is crippled in these situations, because we want to fix and give our love, yet we have very little power or "rights" to do so. In reality, we are the modern equivalent of Sysiphus pushing the proverbial boulder up the hill, only to have it all come crashing down again when we finally start to feel peace. And then we start pushing all over again, this time a bit worse for the wear and weakened. (I have equated it with being emotionally disabled...hypothetically speaking, I am now Sysiphus hauling my boulder of pain up a Everest sized mountain while in a wheelchair and blinded.)

There have been very few situations that I have exerted more effort for, and have received less recognition for than step-parenting. I LOVE my SD. She will always carry a piece of my heart (and occupy a large space in my brain). To the detriment of my own health, marriage, bio kids, and personal values, I have fought long and hard for SD. For what? Hopefully it will all be for something at some point, right now it seems all in vain.

I would venture to say that very rarely would a SM/SD make a unilateral decision to exclude their skid(s) from their home without major provocation, legitimate reasoning, and extreme duress. I certainly didn't want it to be this way. Again, I LOVE MY SD. I have helped in raising her since age one. I want success, a strong, loving relationship with her father (and my bios, her 1/2 sibs), emotional health, and many other positive things for her. But I can't MAKE her act in healthy ways. Her modus operandi (when the going gets tough), is to bail out on whoever she deems is standing between her and what she wants (and it's usually something material). Through her BM, she has been taught that if someone "loves" you, they will continue to chase you, beg for you to grace them with your presence, no matter how badly you treat them. And if the person doesn't play that BS game, then they don't love you, and they're an abusive deadbeat. That prepares her for real world experiences HOW?

It sucks all the way around, because all I want is for my SD to OPEN HER F*CKING EYES!! We DID fight for her, we DID chase her, we DID eat crow (when we'd done very little wrong), just to have her back in our lives, just to be shafted and sh*t on EVERY damn time.

It takes a LOT for an otherwise happy and sane person to get to a point where they feel the only choice is to keep the skid out of their home and personal space. This type of action is very rarely a "first resort". And even after that decision has been made, it's still hurtful and conflicting to the SP, who still holds out hope for a peaceful "someday".

Reallife...I really hope that your DH doesn't just toss you under the bus for being FORCED to make this difficult, monumental decision. He is the ONLY one that can help diffuse the ABUSE that you are being subjected to by HIS son, HIS Ex, and HIS Ex's entourage. You are only trying to protect all that you have worked so hard for in your life, as well as your health. As far as who pays the bills in your home? Who cares? DH will be paying ALL of the bills if you are destroyed professionally anyway, so that argument is completely superfluous. You wouldn't allow any of your kin to treat your DH the way you're being treated by his, I'm sure.

I'm so glad that my post could bring you some comfort during your time of feeling very much alone. I am sending an official hug your way, and keeping you in my thoughts this weekend. Keep us posted, and PM me anytime. I'll be responding to your last PM a little later (I'm chasing my two year old around all day). You're a strong, thoughtful, and compassionate person, of that I have no doubt.