ALL of you deserve a (((hug))) for being so strong.
I think we all need a reminder that we can't expect ourselves to be perfect in these most imperfect situations, we are human even before (step)moms.
Along the way I have realized you grow as a step parent the same as you do as a parent- no handbooks or guidelines just stumbling in the dark hoping for a light.
I have had to remind myself alot that H does not react the same as me because he had to live with crazy for years, meanwhile I have only had to deal with he, and that as much as BM is a miserable excuse for the position and seems to have made bad decisions short of carrying SD for the 9 months hasn't really figured out the definition of parenting yet..... SD still loves her mom and we encourage(as much as possible) that she love her but does it with an honesty there of seeing she is flawed(we don't tell her how flawed- but she's 15 and smart to boot - she figured alot of it out already) and the same for us- we are all flawed.
This whole "combined" family is still relatively new to mankind for the most part and we all have a hard time figuring out what everyone's role is and how to maintain strong relationships inside of these families especially considering the great outside stress from the exs.
We are the ones these men have chosen after wising up from the others.
I do my best most days but some days thats not enough, i have learned to be okay with that too through the years and those who criticise what I do usually are those who are clueless as to what it really takes.
Thank you all again for being YOU!
I know what you mean
About DH living with crazy. You see I have a great relationship with my oldest SD. When I get frustrated with DH for not having any motivation for getting anything done SD explained to me the reason why. She said her former SM told him what to do step by step and he followed everything she said or she would make him pay. I get angry because he doesn't do anything without asking me permission. It drives me insane. SD tells me he was severely emotionally abused by BM. My SD can't stand her ex SM. She also physically attacked SD on several occasions.
Thanks for the uplifting post!!!
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
So nice to hear and remember
We, especially DH, are held to such an exacting high standard of 'parenting' by SD/BM - it is a relief to be reminded we actually are, only human and that is all we need to be! Thanks luv
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Hugs back atcha....
And you are so right.
Kids have to figure it out in their own time and we can only hope they will NOT follow in the footsteps of someone who should have never become a mother in the first place. Not necessarily because that person is a bad person....just not mentally equipped to be a GOOD mom.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Thanks Sweetie
Thanks for posting such a nice blog today. It's great to vent here, but the virtual hugs are great too!
My H and his X are trying to work out the communication issues with a counselor because it's become so very stupid and tense. I'm not at these sessions, but the counselor told the 'victimized BM' that the stepmom has the hardest role in the equation. BM must have been thinking, "hey, I'm the hard-done-by-one, how dare the counselor see how hard SM's position is". Must have burned BM's sorry butt. The counselor even brought up how there are only negative role models in the media. Got to love professional outside validation.
I have started to collect
I have started to collect the wicked stepmom stuff just for fun,,,
There is no reason where logic does not exist
Hugs back!
*HUGS*
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
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