...who had sex with an elongated banana

At a tender young age, I thought I knew it all,
I'm gonna be a stepmommy! It's gonna be a ball!!
I've met the man of my dreams! We'll be so happy.
But even the best of intentions can turn out crappy.

A crazy BM, lots of men, and a SD with issues,
Should've bought stock in company making tissues,
For all the crying and trouble stepparenting brings,
Wish I'd had a warning about so many things.

Like "Love her as your own, but don't get too close",
And "BM will exploit every damn thing you love the most",
"You can always do your best, but it will never be enough",
"SD will betray you whenever the going gets too tough".

My life has been one big compromise, it's never about me.
There'll always be BM celebrating my heartaches with glee.
But damned if I ever did try to defend my point of view,
"Best interest of the kid!, She screams, "It's not about YOU!"

And so it goes, it seems, until there's something BM wants,
The things I couldn't have, are the very thing she flaunts,
"You can NEVER call her MOM! But here's your newest dad!",
"And we're gonna change your last name too, just to make everyone sad."

Somedays I wish I would have chosen a completely different life,
But then I wouldn't have DD's, or be my amazing DH's wife.
Maybe I just need a drink, and SD looks at me with shock,
"That's not wine!" she shouts. "Wine comes in a box!!"

You're fat nasty trash and
You're not a good mother
At the age of 19
You gave SSs a new brother.
No job, no life
Spineless as can be
I would beat your ass
If you would just meet me.
Your shorts do not fit
And you don't even know
But everyone else does
And it is kinda gross.
Gawking at my husband
Is getting real old
I've been strong this long
But soon I may fold.

haha that was fun. May have to write a real one for therapeutic purposes

Here's my 5 min attempt! I agree if I had more time I'd love to do a longer one like Clearly an Upgrade did.

This poem is called “Bipolar BM on Social Network sites”

I’m posting my whole life online cause attention makes me horny
One day I’m top-of-the-world but the next I’m rather thorny.
I love my life / Eff everyone...the cycle has no end.
But I really need to tell someone and Facebook’s my only friend.

AN ODE TO BM

When it comes to her kids, she's absent at best.
She comes and she goes, and spreads lies to the rest.

She's certain to be seen in church every Sunday,
But she gets right back to being a sinner on Monday.

She'll lie to her minister, CPS, and the court,
I wonder where we'd be if she had decided to abort?

She has let her dirty old husband beat on her kids,
And when CPS takes them away, she exclaims "Gee whiz!"

Her father is a pedophile who enjoys little girls,
And has done jail time, when the story unfurls.

She doesn't understand why she must have supervised access.
And when she doesn't get her way, she'll tilt off her axis.

It's been so many months since she has seen her daughters together,
And 90 minutes before the meeting, she cancels due to the weather.

I say to DH, she must have been a wonderful screw!
To this he replies, "No, and not nearly as fantastic as you!"

Wonderful stuff!

Loving the poems!

Jealous and two-faced,
Big as a whale,
Married out of spite,
Your husband's in jail.
No competition at all
Never has never will
You prove that each day
Fixating on my husband still.
Wish you were as good as me
As loving and sweet,
Get mad at the future
Foreseeing parental defeat.
Not my fault, though,
I've tried to help you out,
Over your loser life,
I have won without a doubt.