I call my MIL by her first name and have no desire to call her mom. I think part of it is that I'm very close with my mom and don't think I'd feel right calling someone else by her hard-earned title. I also harbor some hostility towards my MIL b/c she has a tendency to meddle and gossip and she can be controlling - something she has passed on the son (my DH). My DH has talked to me about MIL wanting me to call her mom and pointed out that my SIL does it and why don't I?
Just wondering how others feel - do you call your in-laws mom & dad? If not, why not? If so, did it feel weird at first and how did you get over it?
MIL
I have had 2 MIL and I called each of them by their first name. I never had a reason to call either of them mom. When I became a member of the family I was calling them Ms and then they said why don't you just call me mom and I said I have a mom so how about first name.
??? strange
My MIL wanted this too and I did maybe once, but it just didn't work for me, I have my own mom. But I still can't bring myself to call her by her first name (you don't call your elders by their first name where I'm from), so I just try to not call her anything!
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
Kinda, sorta
Most of the time I call her by name, but I refer to her as my mom-in-law rather than my mother-in-law. She's great and I do think of her as another mom. When she starts getting bossy, I roll my eyes and say, "Yes, Mom!" We just have that kind of relationship. We hit it off right from the very beginning. We've grown very close over the years and I love her very much. She tells people that she doesn't think of me as a daughter-in-law, she thinks of me as a daughter. I love my FIL, too, but I couldn't see calling him Dad because my husband doesn't call him Dad. (He's technically my stepfather-in-law, if there is such a thing.) My previous MIL I called by her first name, because that's how she introduced herself to me. I would not have called her Mom or mom-in-law. We were never close like that.
I think it makes my mother a little uncomfortable that I think of my MIL in this way, but she's always been a first-class drama queen who thinks the world revolves around her, anyway. She has never liked sharing the spotlight. She was one of these BM's that hated her ex-husband (my father) more than she loved us and is only ever truly happy when she is utterly miserable and telling everyone about it.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Snap!
Georgia, I did not know you are an adult child of divorce! forgive me if I missed it before. Can I ask, do you have a relationship with your dad after your mom being that way? ?? if you don't want to say its ok, I am just wondering how these things turn out overall, ya know? . . . .
ps. glad you and your MIL have such a good relationship, ours was good but deteriorated due to enabling of druggie BIL, I miss her sometimes, how I thought she was . . .
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
Haven't seen/spoken to him in years, ME.
I was 16 and my sister was 13 when my parents divorced. "Visitation" was pretty much if he asked to see us and if we wanted to go. I have no idea what kind of arrangement was in the divorce decree, but he didn't ask very much and we didn't want to go, anyway. They split because he was cheating and it really did a number on my mother, because she found out that he wasn't just cheating on her at that time, he had been cheating on her with various women for their entire nearly twenty years of marriage. He married the woman he was cheating with and they are still married today. I have no relationship with either of them, nor my stepsibs. Neither does my sister. He didn't really pursue a relationship with us after the divorce and his wife interfered a lot when I or my sister would try to contact him, so that was that. I do send him a Christmas card every years with pics of his grandchildren, but I never hear anything back. My mother STILL, twenty-two years later, has unresolved issues about all of this. My sister does, too. My mom used her as an emotional crutch and still does, so she'll never get over it. Me? I've moved on. I think I have a pretty healthy attitude about it. I have a great relationship with my stepdad and he's who I refer to as "my Dad." He's my children's grandfather. It's all good.
My hubby's parents are divorced, too, but his mother never said a bad word about his father to him or his sister. She worked hard to encourage a relationship. She even would babysit for her ex-husband and his new wife so that her kids could get to know their new sister. But his dad would say he was coming to take hubby fishing, and then not show up. He was the typical little kid in the window watching for his Daddy to come pick him up, but the Daddy never shows. So DH doesn't have a relationship with his father, anymore, either. He calls his father once a year or so and I send him a Christmas card with grandchildren photos, too, but he never gets anything back, either. He also has a great stepdad and he has really stepped up and been there for DH. He's "grandad" to our kids and his sister's kids.
We were both 18+ when our mothers remarried, but under 18 when our fathers remarried. Neither one of us had caring, loving, accepting or involved stepmothers. I think in both of our cases, it was the fathers who didn't do enough to maintain the relationship.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Oh
I am so sorry honey! I probably should not have asked that. I am glad you both got good stepdads, and if it helps at all it occurred to me that maybe your dad was embarrassed to face you after all that. Times were different when we were growing up and men always felt like they had to be tough, etc., and a lot of times it backfired on them.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
No... The way I was raised
No... The way I was raised we called adults Mrs or Mr Xxxx. So I have always called her Mrs Xxxx. She told me a few times to call her "Mom" and I just couldn't. Not like it matters anymore cause MIL has pretty much strained our relationship to the point that I wouldn't want to if I were even comfortable with it...
Nope
I call BF's mother and my own step mother by their first names.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I call my MIL
An evil witch! She has done nothing but poke her nose in my business and try to control my EX and my life and marraige. One time when we decided to move away from california where she lived to move back to Oregon where I grew up and met EX she was so furious she called up CPS and made all kinds of false allegations about us to get back at us. And my EX always defends he evil mother. He's such a mommy's boy its sickening!
My fiance grew up with a step mom he calls mom, a bio mom that left him when he was very young he calls by her first name, and a grandma that helped raise him that he calls mom. I haven't met the step mom, call the bio mom by her first name and the grandma I call grandma, because thats how she introduced herself to me.
I do not call MIL "mom." I
I do not call MIL "mom." I am extremely close to my mom, and no one else can share that title with her. Besides MIL is almost never around, except when she needs a place to stay. She is pretty uninvolved in our married life, which I am very grateful for.
Not me ...
I call my MIL by her first name - I treat her more like a friend than a parent (afer all I was 34 when we met, "Mom" hardly seemed appropriate!). However, when referring to her with the kids (both Bkids and Skids) I call her "Grandma." She sure has earned that title with them - in spades!
Post new comment