Lately things my husband has been doing with regard to our BDs 4 and 1 is bugging me, and I know it's because I'm making comparisons.
For example, youngest BD will be 2 tomorrow. Husband's suggestion is to take her to either McDonalds or a pizza buffet for dinner. However, for SD15's birthday we had to go to a Japanese steakhouse that cost more than $150. Hello, how is that fair?
For May Day every year, husband used to spend HOURS making a crown thing for SD with flowers she got to choose herself. He'd work on it every night for weeks, meticulously putting it together, reworking it, etc. SD would wear it one time and then put it away, never to be seen again. I am still waiting for him to do it for BDs and have determined he does not plan to.
I guess this will teach me to make comparisons. Just want our BDs to have equal standing with SD, although maybe that is futile.
Sure you should compare
I think at this point BD. I won't notice the difference and probably would prefer fast food. I would say purchase more gifts since dinner is going to be cheap
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
age
It is futile to make comparisons for those age groups. Of course a 15 year old is going to have different expectations than a little child. When yours get to be 15 they will want the expensive dinners too so enjoy it while they are happy with the cheaper things.
I do that too
For me the best thing for me to do is think about what exactly I would do for BD and then apply it to SD minus some.
I would ask him when he is
I would ask him when he is taking BD 4 to go pick out the flowers for her May Day crown. (let him know that YOU expect him to provide the same love and attention for all your dds that he showed for sd)
As far as the bday dinner. Is there someplace a bit less fast food, but that bd4 would LOVE to do??? When is her bday? like.. do you have any of those upscale children eating/playing places near you? Where they will either let you bring in a cake or they provide the cake? With tickets for the girls to win stuff and climb through the tubes and stuff? And I agree. I would spend a bit more on her presents... if asked why, say, well we spent $150 on sd's dinner and xyz on her gift. We are only spending $40 on bd4s bday so therefore the difference should be about what we spend on her gift.
FAIR IS FAIR!
I have been trying to think of a place
Haven't had much luck. The Chuck E. Cheese near our house closed down (she would love that), and the closest one is 30 minutes one way. I'll keep thinking... (BD2 hasn't gotten ANY gifts from us because I have to be the one to buy them if that's going to happen. Any ideas for a 2yo with a big sister, so things like tricycle and other playthings already exist in our house?).
Perhaps go to the location
Perhaps go to the location 30 miles away.. That place is child heaven.
For the gift.. Perhaps a couple of the latest Disney movie releases?!?!? Inflatable wadding pool for the summer.. you know.. the kind we all had as a kid.. some even have slides..
I guess I have a different
I guess I have a different mindset - 2 year olds don't really have any concept of money or how much things cost or are worth. If she wants a particular toy that you might not otherwise buy, go for it. If all BD wants is a fast food birthday party, why not? She doesn't know anything but that she is getting what she asked for, same as SD did on her birthday. Why set her up to expect expensive or over the top things when you can get away with saving your money. (I am assuming that like most people you don't just have piles of cash lying around)
I understand that you would have a feeling of inequality toward your BD, when you see SD getting expensive dinners/gifts, but I don't think your 2 yo sees it the same way and probably doesn't feel slighted.
If there was no SD in the picture would you really consider spending $200+ for a 2 year old's party?
BD could care less
She didn't ask to go anywhere, husband suggested it. Fine, I think that's fine. But SD15 demands to be taken to a place that costs $150 for dinner, and husband gladly goes along with that. BDs ALWAYS get the short end of the stick. He will flat out tell me we should spend more on SD for EVERYTHING, including Christmas presents, because her expectations are higher. Doesn't matter that she gets twice as much as BDs as it is because her BM also buys her Christmas, birthday presents, etc., and takes her out to dinner for special occasions.
For SD's eighth grade graduation he wanted to take her to NYC or on a cruise to Jamaica. Um, no. Are you crazy? Instead of enrolling SD15 in recreational volleyball for $55 he signed her up for club volleyball at $600, plus travel and hotel costs for tournaments almost every weekend for five months. Can't wait to hear the next thing we "have to" spend money on for SD.
Meanwhile BDs get McDonalds and hand-me-down baseball gloves.
Of all the things my Dh
does wrong, this is an area where is is very fair. Our son turns 1 in July so at xmas he was pretty little. DH insisted that we spend the same amount of $ on all three boys for xmas, even when I suggested otherwise.
My son will probably get a lot of hand me down bikes ect... because skids stuff doesn't get a lot of wear & tear, but if their relation ship continues as is I suspect he will idolize his older brothers as they are crazy about him & treat him like a prince.
How are things going with her gone. Do your girls miss her or is it pure heaven?
Don't miss her
It's hard to miss someone who ignores you or worse treats you badly when they are there. Of course we heard NOTHING from SD15 on the day of BD now 2's party and I don't expect to hear from her today on BD's actual birthday. SD only thinks of herself. Nothing's going to change that.
THE CROWN thing!!! ROTFLMAO
Did anyone else catch the "significance" of DH making his precious princess a CROWN!!!??? There you have it!!
Ohh.. I caught it.. that
Ohh.. I caught it.. that is why I would be DEMANDING he make them for the two little ones... For sure!!!
The crown I get. As far as
The crown I get. As far as presents and birthday dinners you have to realize that it will all even out. When kids are young they are much cheaper...i bet the 15yo was perfectly happy at mcdonalds when she was 2.. Take your BD to mcdonalds because when she is 15 she will want the japanese steakhouse too. By then the SD15 will be grown and gone. Otherwise when your bd is 15 and you buy her a 150.00 meal the oldest one...who should be 28 will expect 150.00. it all evens out eventually...buy the youngest one what she needs and the oldest one what she needs(which probably is a japanese steakhouse)...trust me ...in 13 years you will be doing the equivalent for bd.
Maybe your husband realized what a pain the crown/flowers was and doesnt want to get sucked into doing that for the next 15 years and its too late to stop for the oldest.
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