Step Talk

I don't understand......she has already announced that she isn't paying or raising the baby...yet she is planning on keeping the pregnancy & the baby and what, letting someone else pay for and raise it....?????

How far along is she? This is just crazy!! Does she expect you to just pick up where she leaves off, like WTH??

Corie

Well, the name says NoDoormat so why should you do anything? Its not your problem so just stay out of it. As far as who is going to pay for it I am sure it will be medicaid.

Can't feed it, can't clothe it, can't shelter it... then can't have it.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

You would think that the concept "Can't feed it, can't clothe it, can't shelter it... then can't have it" would be pretty simple, right???

Ahhhh, but not with the kids these days... they are ENTITLED, don't you know? They DESERVE to be taken care of, their kids DESERVE to be taken care of - you know, because WE OWE it to them !!!!! Why, because we got a divorce and RUINED them for life.

No, she hasn't announced anything about WHO is going to pay... but she has already applied for Medicade or whatever it is... and food stamps, etc. She already knows the ropes in that regard - her cousin has been there done that !

Funny thing is about 2 months ago she called her dear old dad DEMANDING that he go buy her TAMPONS and TAKE THEM TO HER. She couldn't even afrford the gas money to drive the 5 miles to our house to pick them up! She can't afford tampons - how the hell is she going to afford DIAPERS ?!?!?!

I am so mad I just can't stand it.... and I keep thinking I am this horrible terrible person... but, what the hell - my DH and I decided to not have kids of our own because we wanted to enjoy life a little (he has 3 kids and I have 2) !!

training for this life style as well, it is the same way BM trapped my DH, if you can call it that, maybe so, maybe not, but the end result is an unwanted child !!!It is rediculouse~ "You poor unfortunate souls.......

For feeling the way you do. You have to put up with a spoiled SD and she finally turns 18 and you think you see some light at the end of the tunnel and now this. I would be wondering at what point does my life become about me again. If you think you have no control of your household with a spoiled SD wait until she spawns. You have to put your foot down now or you will become a built in babysitter.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

you will not be able to help her financially or by babysitting the baby, she should not count on you at all, if that is how you feel (that is how I would feel).

My mom told me 'do not bring home a baby, I will not help you with it' and that made me realize it was all on me so I managed to avoid it. Under no circumstances should you be responsible for her child - put your foot down!

I am terrified this is next for our SD too, and we have and will tell ours the same.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

And she needs to hear the message YESTERDAY that not one dime, not one nickel and not one penny will go from your pockets to support her mistake; that she and her offspring will not be living with you ever; that if she's mature enough to make a baby, then she's mature enough to figure out how to provide for that baby on her own; and that being a GRANDPARENT means you spend time with the grandchild when you feel like it and not because you are obligated, because the only people obligated to do anything for that child are the two people who created it. Definitely put your foot down now.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

What has your DH said? I have told my bkids for many years that I do not plan to raise any more children. If they have them, they will raise them. I hope your DH sees it that way too.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

I am so sorry! You are living my greatest fear with 4 adult stepbrat daughters. Only one abortion so far--that we know about. How's your DH handling all this?

It will come down to DH holding firm by not "helping." I have these visions of my softie DH being presented with a grandchild, and then being extorted for diapers, formula--you name it--every time the loser mom needs cash.

I don't know how my DH would handle saying NO to a crying and neglected child--his own grandchild. I don't believe he could. His daughters know that. And I am afraid they would resort to a pregnancy just to keep the cash and attention flowing their way.

I always told my DH "I will NOT raise your grandchildren!!" and I meant it. Asking me to raise their brats is a deal-breaker for me.

I hope you are not expected to raise your SD's baby, or pay for it. I am so sorry that SD's bad decision has affected your lives.

There are so many people out there that desperately want a baby, why don't these girls who are in no position to have a baby give their child the opportunity to have a wonderful life.

When I was trying to get pregnant I thought seriously about adoption. You here about people who abuse or neglect their children yet they can pop them out like no ones business.

Babies are expensive & tons of work & I am 40, educated & have a good job & it's hard for me & I truly wanted my son more than anything in the world.

Sorry she has put you in this position, I am with the girls you need to be firm from the get go.

If she can't keep her ankles crossed that's not your problem. I'm just waiting for my SD19 to come home and announce she's pregnant. The kid has a different BF every month...it was so bad last summer I started calling them her 'flavours of the month'. There's no way in h@ll I'd be looking after her kid if she's not responsible (or smart enough) not to get pregnant....my first response would be "call your mother your and go live with her" I wouldn't care if she'd already said she wasn't helping out her own daughter or not. She's your child, your respoinsible for the person she is now you deal with her mess...NOT ME

I would just tell her that she cant stay with you and that she needs to get her act together and like people have said above, tell her that adoption is a great thing. Its hard but its a good unselfish thing to do.

"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

Step Witch - you said it... it was a planned TRAP. SD thinks by getting pregnant she will get to 'keep' her bf. (What I can't get through is you don't want to 'keep' someone, you want them to want to be with you).

Cruella - we JUST got married. I was waiting for my kids to get old enough that they didn't need me around so much (bkids 15 & 17). And with DH kids being 18, 21, & 23 I thought for certain we were in the clear with step-kid issues. I don't want to be selfish and think me me me, but heck, I was a single mom for so many years - my life WAS my kids. It was a LONG HARD road. I finally fall in love with a terrific man and think that life will settle down and I will get to enjoy it a little....

Most Evil - Unfortunately for the innocent baby, I do feel that I don't want to help. But, it's SD that I don't want to help. She has lied and manipulated so much I have had it. I don't want to end up taking it out on the baby, but I know if we give an inch SD will steal a mile (so to speak).

Sarah - "don't know how my DH would handle saying NO to a crying and neglected child--his own grandchild. I don't believe he could." THAT'S EXACTLY what I am afraid of. We began our marriage promising to be open and honest... then a few months down the road I discovered lies (DH paying for SD attorney for her 2nd DUI, etc.) He promised again to be honest, etc. I just KNOW when the baby arrives chunks of money are going to be disappearing from our account....

Georgia - I don't want to hurt my DH and I know he will be if I turn my back on this mess. He will want contact and to babysit, etc. I know SD will use the child against him.

Sweetthing & frustratedinMA - DH has BEGGED SD to think about adoption, she has basically said her cousins have done this (got pregnant in high school) why can't she? (I listen to Dr. Laura and she always says "think of the child FIRST" - hard to get that across to someone who is so self-absorbed)

You know what is sad, for so many years while I was a single mom all I wanted to do was to find a good man that I could have more children with. I love kids - I love babies. I always thought I would have 13 (I know, outta my mind), but I wanted a BIG family. Now that I am 40 I want to enjoy my husband and life. I know there are so many couples that would give anything for a baby.... life is so ironic. Those that can't, would give anything, those that can - do without thought for the innocent child.

Now, if SD said "here, you can have and raise my child" and then leave,that might be a different situation.

I told DH that SD has other relatives - she needs to begin to get a plan if her dear old bf doesn't stick around. I will NOT have another woman/child in my house - especially one that didn't want us married in the first place. He agreed... heartbrokenly, but he did agree.

in a situation where no one was using their brain. and now what? abort? keep? it's a personal decision but the responsibility of a child is so immense that i don't see how it's not going to affect the entire family, including you.

this makes me so sad to hear this....and there are women out there that CAN'T get pregnant, deserve to have a child, want more than anything to be a mother, have the means to provide a wonderful life for the child, and yet cannot conceive..... i don't get it.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Maybe you should tell SD she should consider getting legally married to the baby's father. That way she has to think, do I really want to be with this person. If he refuses that will tell her something of his feelings about her too. Maybe she will reconsider raising the child when the reality of making a lifelong commitment to him may make her run screaming into the night. ?? just a thought

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

That was one of my frst questions... "So when is the wedding?"

Everyone looked at me like I was nuts. MARRIED? Why in the world would they get married and make a real family?!?!

If they married there is less GOVERNMENT support so of course they won't get married.... stupid me.

I just don't get it. I don't understand - I am an idiot. When I was in high school it didn't even cross my mind that I would not graduate - and I was living with my sister and worked and took care of her kids while she and her husband worked night jobs!

I moved out and went to college (on scholarship and loans that I got myself and that I had to pay back MYSELF) when I graduated from high school. Didn't cross my mind that I wouldn't go to college, didn't cross my mind that I wouldn't work or pay my own way.

And when I wanted to have a baby, I knew I had to be married FIRST.

Does anyone else have this much anger towards their Skids? I mean I am down right pissed and mad. So mad I can't even say nice things about that poor child that has no clue what kind of life it has in store.

I know I am taking it out on my husband and it's not his fault....