Step Talk

I went blind after reading that he's almost six and still sleeps in a pull-up, and couldn't read the rest of your blog.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

BF got a little tipsy on Saturday night and all he could do was stare admiringly at the little E-coli infested crapwad and say "he looks JUST LIKE ME; that's ME there, see those LONG, BLONDE, EYELASHES??!!"

I thought he was going to french kiss him!!!!

I don't care how long and blonde a kid's eyelashes are. If he can't wipe his own arse and flush and then wash his hands, he has lost any "adorableness"

As far as the pullup goes, this kid is literally tall as a tree and it looks ridiculous; just as stupid as the oldest chubster (SS11) walking around in his very tighty whities!

the same thing when skids would come to visit, that's prior to them living w/us. They had NO upbringing of rules, manners, etc. It was pure hell for me. DH was unenclined to do anything about it, I ended up being the heavy. I simply could NOT deal with their behavior, it was disgusting. I ended up becoming resentful for a while, and then completely disengaging. I'm sure you have told DH how you feel about junior's habits, right? If not, I would, because if you don't you will become a person you don't like. I became that person. I tried very hard to deal with it. On the flip side, I can honestly say that they have basic manners today because of me. They chew with their mouth closed (well they did when they left here to live w/BM again). That was the biggest thing for me, I refused to eat in the same room with them at first. Sounded like a herd of cows! I wish you luck!

OMG.. I feel so bad that your whole weekend was ruined.

I was explaining to my dh the other day how I no longer look forward to holidays because of his ex and their children. They have sucked all the fun out of those days for me... and then I just end up feeling like a freakin hostage in my own home.

My ss9 was HUMMING while chewing w/his mouth open at my parents this weekend.. SO NASTY.. I had to tell him to knock it off, and close his mouth. I wanted to crawl up a WALL!

I have mentioned that Junior does not have proper toilet hygiene, in fact he actually witnessed it for himself as he was delightfully unaware. He yelled at Junior to come back to the bathroom to flush and wash, but I mean, shouldn't this be instilled behaviour?

I'm thinking that BF views Junior as a little "mini me" and is enthralled with living vicariously through him. He kept pointing out all of Junior's features and saying "that's me, that's me when I was that age" I think BF wants to live the childhood he never had through Junior. And BTW the oldest two (SS11 and SD9) continue to laugh and talk with their mouths full and spew crumbs. They are utterly disgusting. Anyway I think it's the age b/c BF is totally transfixed by little kids (I am not; I prefer children when they reach the age of 21) He also feels a "special bond" with Junior as both he and Junior are the youngest of their families!

I'm hoping that he will soon grow out of this "cutesy" stage and then things will be back to normal (no parenting by guilt; he's pretty much stopped parenting by guilt with the oldest two)

"HOSTAGE IN OUR OWN HOMES"

That's EXACTLY the way it feels!

As the mom of two BS's I can tell you that they were challenging with toileting in very different ways. BS (now 13) wore nighttime pullups til he was 8 and a half. We tried to take him out for one full year (7-8) because my exH insisted. Thing is, exH went to work at 6:30 am, so at both houses it was SM and me who were getting him up in the am, soaking wet, having to get him through a bath, do laundry, etc EVERY day before having to be at work (me by 7:45, her by 9.) SM and I actually had our first mom bonding session over this one night when I picked up the boys and she confided to me (in private of course) that she would like to see BS 13 back in pullups.) I agreed and much to exH's chagrin, we made a very democratic decision and outvoted him. (Imagine your ex and your wife outvoting you- THAT's not supposed to happen

We put him back in pullups, it lasted 6 months and then miraculously, his hormones kicked in properly (that's usually the problem) and he announced one day, "I don't need those anymore." He never wore them again. BS 11 (then 3 or 4) announced the same day that he didn't need them either, and so the solidarity of the brotherhood was born. That little guy was holding out so his big brother didn't have to see him wear underwear to bed

Yes my youngest son was potty trained in no time flat, much faster than his older brother. BUT....we STILL have to remind him to wash his hands after using the bathroom (DH loves to tell the story of BS 11 coming out of the downstairs bath where we could hear he hadn't turned on the sink. When DH told him to wash his hands his reply was, "Well....it's NOT like I'm EATING or anything!" Nice.

So....I think bathroom stuff is tricky, even if you love them to pieces. But when you don't...that must be even more disgusting.

Just wanted to let you know that even with consistent parenting...kids will do gross things.

SD is the worst actually. She will create massive turds that become one with the plumbing. She doesn't bother to tell me or DH the toilet is clogged and leaves it for my sons to experience, or for me to discover due to the pungent odor floating into our hallway.

Ugh....I can't imagine going through this with a kid I couldn't stand.

I have more thoughts to the rest of the things you said, but right now a little girl in a splint is calling me to turn on "More Cailou now first!!!!!!"

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

God knows I had two and they are now prosperous and non-needy adults; son toilet trained pretty easily; daughter was a bed wetter right up till almost age 12 mostly due to the tumult that was my relationship with son's father. (i have apologized to her for that).

I just don't like the fact that he is given massive amounts of liquids before bedtime and chocolate which has caffeine. This doesn't help the matter, but BF will NOT believe me. He just wants to be disneyland dad and parent by guilt.

I CAN'T WAIT until this CUTESY phase wears off. It's going to and I'll be there with a bottle of champagne to celebrate!

OMG, I have no words.

when so called single moms decided to cut the fathers out completely, go for massive amounts of PAS and treat their children as buddies and not children.

Our BM is the result of this product and she is passing it down to her kids. BF was raised strictly by old fashioned parents, so I KNOW he is just guilt parenting and trying to compete with BM by "buying" skid's love!

The oldest SS11 has been on ADHD meds ever since BM and BF went splitsville. What timing!

My father is one year older than my mother, so they were both raised by the same generation of parents. They grew up in the sixties. I came along in the seventies and was raised by parents who were polar opposites. My dad was very heavy-handed. If I acted up, I got spanked for lesser offenses and the belt for major ones. He came from a family where if he had back-talked his father, he'd have gotten back-handed. That's how his father came up, so that's how he came up. My mother was totally different. She was the touchy-feely, independent woman of the seventies type. She and her sibs got spanked, but that was about it. Her parents were raised much like my father's parents, but for whatever reason, her parents weren't that harsh. Still, she had great respect for her parents, as did my father for his. Anyway, while my dad was beating my ass, my mother was going "oh, honey, let's talk." Ugh. I'd have rather had the ass-beating... it took less time than the "talking" and I could go back to whatever I was doing before I got in trouble.

I'm mildly strict with my own kids and they have been spanked. Not often and not for everything. Definitely not with a belt and not really all that hard, either. But for those handful of moments that require a fast attention-getter, nothing says lovin' like mama's hand across your backside. My kids are polite and well-mannered, respect me and their father and are mostly pretty well-behaved. I have no complaints. We do a lot of talking, too, so I guess my mother did rub off on me a little. My skids are very well-behaved, too, and they've been raised in much the same way by their mother, stepfather and DH. Talking, explaining, restriction of privileges and grounding seem to work pretty well these days, but a few swats here and there made them see the light when repeated "I said NO!" didn't work.

I think a lot depends on how early you start. If you wait until they stop being cute, you're about three years too late.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

have never been spanked ONCE in their entire lives. Although they SORELY need it (pun intended) Why even oldest SS11 stuck up his middle finger at BF one time and asked with this shit eating grin on his face "what does this mean, dad?" when he knew FULL WELL what it meant! He was just trying to tell his dad, well you know. No consequences for that manuever WHATSOEVER. you have to see these skids to believe it. I showed a co-worker their photos and NOT EVEN KNOWING these kids or how bad their behaviour is the co-worker says, "you just want to slap their faces" they have this horrible smirk on at ALL TIMES plus they are devilish looking to begin with, with unmanageable bright red hair or massive blonde curls (in the case of SD9) they ALWAYS have this sarcastic smirk on their faces and if I was their mother, i would have that smirk wiped off so fast it would make BF's head spin!!!!!!!!!

I can not believe you are still dealing with this kind of crap (pun intended) with a 5&1/2 year old. I only have three words:
DUMBASS
DUMBASS
DUMBASS
Not you, your DH and BM! I'm not casting stones, I have a couple of those over here too.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

Oldest SS who was 11 when I entered the picture would have a crap and seriously wipe himself and throw the toilet paper in the garbage can rather then the toilet.....why, who knows. He would also get it all over his fingers and then wipe them on the wall beside the toilet.

Let's just say I freaked. There is no reason for this; he is not handicapped and does KNOW better. But because both dad & mom would just clean up after him, it continued.

Ole bitchy Corie put her foot down and fast. SS was ordered BY ME to go in and empty out the garbage can. (Ummm...can you believe he said it was discusting to do this and thought I was being mean?). He was ORDERED BY ME to scrub the walls where he wiped the shit. (Guess I don't have to explain how pissed off I was!!!). I made him disinfect everything because I was disgusted!!!!

I got reamed out by BM saying I was too harsh when he went home after the weekend...I basically told her, you can clean up the shit at your house, I WON'T DO IT AT MY HOUSE, he will learn bathroom manners here and fast!!

It only happened a couple more times at our house and I would order him back in there each time to clean it up..spotless....now it doesn't happen anymore here. I do know that it was still happening at him BM's, but hell, if she wants to continue to let him away with that, its her problem. (SS is 15 now)!

As for hubby's reaction...we were still new to moving in together and personally I think he didn't know what to think when I went off on SS that way, because he didn't say a word!

As far as the SS's not washing their hands after using the bathroom, this still happens and I still remind them on a regular basis. I chalk it up to BM not enforcing any manners in their house and SS's not addressing any responsibility for themselves now that they are older.

I feel for you Crayon...I really do!

Corie

I am coming down on him for EVERY offense! I want to disengage but b/c BF can't see anything wrong with half the stuff he does, he'll do it my way or the highway!

He can go back to BM's to be a pig. It's bad enough that BF makes him "special" junk food meals, I will not tolerate bad hygiene!

I had to disinfect the entire front of the frig door b/c of Junior touching it with his e-coli infested hands!!!! ARRRGGHHH!

It must be a stinking pig stye at BM's house with all five of them acting this way!!!

I had made several "harsh" remarks to Junior in front of BF which I think took him aback. I said something like "if you can't tie your shoes, then you can't ride a dirt bike" Of course BF had a HORRIFIED look on his face and Junior, well, if looks could KILL. . .

I know where you are coming from...the ss11 & ss8 (at that time) couldn't tie their shoes either....BM always bought them velcro so they didn't have to learn. I taught them!

I also taught the oldest to peel a fricken orange at 12 yrs old because hubby & BM always did it for him. I just couldn't believe it. They never cut their own meat (probably because BM never cooks meals & hubby just did it when they were at the house for visitation). They now both cut their own meet..have for yrs because "I taught them".

The list just goes on & on. I can't just blame Bm for this either, hubby would rather just do it then listen to the skids bickering...me, I could care less about the bickering....they are getting older, they HAVE to learn this stuff. So if the skids perceive me as being bitchy....too fricken bad, I am teaching them how to be independent. (That is one of BM's issues, she does not ever want them to move from home...seriously, she has said on many occasions that she expects them to stay living with her for life...even if they meet someone and get married......whether it be insecurities she has of being alone or whatever....do what is best for your children and allow them to be independent)!!!

Corie

we have no other children for observation who are "normal" we live out in the country with adults across from us and a young couple with a 3 yr old next door!!!

same thing here. skids are SOOOO babied they want the adults to act as their servants. maybe BM and BF love that, but I DON'T!!!

BM still allows it, hubby really does try now to teach the skids things, but he is impatient and as soon as I see that "look" he has where he is just going to take over and no longer teach them (because of frustration), I step in and tell him to go find something else to do.

The 15 year old doesn't even know how to hand write...only prints! It seriously drives me insane. I said how did you get that far in school printing? He says, oh, they never taught me...ya ok...I really believe that one, especially when his younger sibling knows how to write because I have seen it...once. I know my kids had to practise at home handwriting....oh wait, that is the problem...they don't have to do homework because BM does not think it is necessary!! Almost forgot that part!!!! So now if they get punished, they have to hand write a line 25 times what they will not do again. I figure its the only way they are going to learn both handwriting and not doing something they have been told a million times anyways!!

It drives me around the bend that they don't know basic skills. My kids look at them like they are from another planet!!! As I am sure others do at school and around their own home with BM.

The oldest asked me if I would teach him to drive next year when he is old enough.....not fricken likely, that will be his mother's job, not mine. They have not been taught to use their minds, not been taught common sense, not taught to respect peoples things, not taught to follow rules....NOPE, not gonna happen with my vehicle...that is for sure.

I say its time for these parents to make these children grow up. Teach them the skills required to survive out there in the real world.....as in this day in age, I doubt they would find a wife to wipe their asses for them...I know I wouldn't!!!!!!!!!

Corie

"they don't have to do homework because BM does not think it is necessary!! "

just like our BM; she wants to blame her shoddy parenting and skids laziness on "learning disabilities"

and OMG i just got an IM from BF re a link i sent about a kid who was singled out b/c of autism and bf responded back " well what i think he has is a common problem w/ kids today and thats NO PARENTING!!!"

WOW! talk about not seeing yourself in the mirror!!!!!

my grown kids pulled me aside one time after seeing 10 seconds of the skids behaviour and remarked "we weren't THAT bad, were we mom?"

and i replied "no b/c i wouldn't allow it"

CASE CLOSED