BM tells BF that raising their child is financially hard and wants child support but will not cooperate in trying to come up with a figure that is reasonable and acceptable to both of them. Funny, BM gets income from a trust from her father's estate plus she makes more money that BF. BM bought a brand new car in October 2007, flew to Utah in January 2008, wanted to take a 3 week trip to Japan this June (that was squashed because BF will not sign for baby to get a passport), bought new furniture, bought a laptop, the list goes on and on and I am sure we don't know the half of it. BM thinks, per her calculations, BF is almost $5000 behind in child support. Child support that has not been determined much less court ordered. BM offered to take the "alleged arrears" out of BF's court ordered settlement from the sale of the house. No way! The decree does not state anywhere that BM can change or lower the settlement amount for any reason much less for child support. BF has asked BM numerouse times what she wants for child support and custody and her reply is always "I have a lot to think about". It's going into the 5th month of negociations and they are not closer to child support and custody then they were when they started. BF offered 2 choices for custody - joint physical and legal custody as they have now with parenting time as agreed or BM can have sole physical custody and BF gets equal time with the child. BM claims neither of these options makes sense. I know the second one is a little out there but BM has not offered or suggested anything other than her having full physical custody.
OMG - Get a move on. The child will be in school before BM gets off her fat a$$ and makes a decision that means anything.
BM holds all the cards due
BM holds all the cards due to the "tender age doctrine" and I think she probably knows this. If a judge decides who gets custody, it's probably pretty safe to assume that she will get full custody and BF will get a standard visitation schedule. Usually, overnights are not ordered until the child is at least two or three, due to the "tender age" of a child younger than that, at which time the typical EOW schedule begins. And if he ends up with anything less than 50/50, which I don't see happening until the child is much older unless BM agrees, then he probably will be paying CS and he COULD be ordered to pay this retroactively. If he hasn't already retained a lawyer, now would be a good time to consult one. She's not going to negotiate on the full custody issue because she's probably assuming that if it goes to court, she'll get full custody. And she's probably right. Many courts are finally getting with the times and awarding 50/50 or even full custody to dads, but I would bet that's mostly for older children. Babies are a different animal. Unless BF can prove all sorts of neglectful or abusive behaviors on the part of BM, she'll like win full custody in court. Why would she negotiate that away when she can get it free and clear in court, plus with CS?
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
It is not up to BM
How much CS she should get. That should go through the guidelines of the state and like you said the amount of time DH gets. Georgia is right she holds the cards there due to the age of the baby.
In my honest opinion it is going to look bad in front of a judge if your DH does not pay ANY CS. Whether or not BM agrees DH should be paying her something to show his concern for the welfare of the baby.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
I know how you feel
BM in our situation drives a 2007 model car, has bought two new laptops, 3 new cell phones and one new cell for SS, gone to three concerts in the past three months and is planning a cruise for November...while BF and I drive '94 and '95 model cars, haven't gotten new computers or even upgraded our own in two years, have old laptops which we use at home (our computers are at the office, laptops at home)...and even before she was fired from her job EIGHT MONTHS AGO she was complaining about constantly being broke - when she made more herself than BF and I brought home put together, and was still constantly griping that the CS payment wasn't enough.
Cru is right, it's not up to BM. She can gripe and complain but at the end of the day they'll run you through their calculator and that'll be how much you pay. I also agree that DH should at least be paying something, even if it's just $150/month to hold him over. If he's not paying anything at all, you guys are gonna get swamped with arrears when they finally do make a judgement.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
My opinion
If there is no order for CS then legally BF isn't obligated to pay anything. If she has already filed for CS then the clock is already ticking and he will certainly have to pay arrears. However, I do think that he should help provide for the child...he can buy things that the child needs, but I definitely wouldn't give BM money, especially when the courts would view it as a gift and not support. Also, like the others said, the CS is not determined by her. You need to run the figures on the state's calculator to estimate how much CS he will be paying.
child support
In MN, any money given to BM by BF is a gift unless BM agrees its child support. BF has offered BM money several times with the amount offered just until they get stuff settled but she refuses. BF has all ready agreed to provide everyting to care for baby while in his care - food, clothes, etc and BM agreed to that also.
My skids BM said, the last
My skids BM said, the last time I actually was around her in person, to her son, we are not getting that (a super expensive tech gadget thing he HAD to have). "I'm not made out of money and I have thousands and thousands of dollars in credit card debt to take care of before I can buy you stuff like that." My thoughts were these, in this order: 1) Holy crap, you actually said NO to your son! Yay for you!--SS gets EVERYTHING he wants from her. 2) What do you mean you're not made of money? Oh, is that because you don't work and you try to live off the excess of $4,000 you get from my H every month? and 3) Why in God's name would you admit that in front of me??? Two days later, SS had the expensive gadget he had been asking for, and he has still never used it, 5 months later. I guess she IS made of money after all!
My skids BM said, the last
My skids BM said, the last time I actually was around her in person, to her son, we are not getting that (a super expensive tech gadget thing he HAD to have). "I'm not made out of money and I have thousands and thousands of dollars in credit card debt to take care of before I can buy you stuff like that." My thoughts were these, in this order: 1) Holy crap, you actually said NO to your son! Yay for you!--SS gets EVERYTHING he wants from her. 2) What do you mean you're not made of money? Oh, is that because you don't work and you try to live off the excess of $4,000 you get from my H every month? and 3) Why in God's name would you admit that in front of me??? Two days later, SS had the expensive gadget he had been asking for, and he has still never used it, 5 months later. I guess she IS made of money after all!
Stupid website
Sorry about the multiple posts. It was "frozen" and it apparently kept going through.
UPDATE
BM is no longer claiming she is broke. She is taking a 6 day trip out East next week and is living with her BF - paying rent on that place ($1895 a month) and paying the mortgage ($1500 a month) on the house she is supposed to sell. She said she would have it on the market in June. Funny, tomorrow is August 1 and nothing. She told BF that day care will be about 150 a week and that she has to commit to full time year around care (she is a teacher). BF's mom would gladly watch baby a couple days a week to lessen the cost of child care but again BM claims she must have a full time, year round commitment. Sorry but I know better - my daycare has other kids who's parents are teachers and they are off in the summer and my daycare fills their spots with summer only kids.
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