DH came home late last week and told me that he applied for jobs across the globe!!!!
This is HUGE. He and I have had many conversations about "taking advantage of the military" and traveling the world while he is still in. Three years ago, he always told me that he wanted to stay right where we are because he didn't want to be away from SS7. I've been trying to explain to him that although in an ideal world SS7 would always be with him/us, that isn't the case and it is unfair to him, me, and our future kids if we center our lives around SS7. That, and it's horrid for DH's career to stay at the same base for years on end (and he's been at the base we are at now for over a decade).
Well, I guess all of our chats finally sunk in. We were originally trying for orders to a different state (that is still in the works) but the overseas assignments were posted last week and he applied for several. We're talking Europe, Asia, PARADISE!!! I am so geeked.
Please, please, PLEASE pray that we get one of these assignments. We find out within a month or so for certain if we get one of them, and then starts the conversations/battles of what to do with SS7. Apparently BM has always told DH that she'd want SS7 to go with him if he ever got orders to a different country because it's a good experience, but for some reason I don't see her doing that as she said that before I came into the picture.
Regardless of if he is with us or not, she will be far, far away so life will be GRAND. 
Good luck! PS - BM will
Good luck! PS - BM will probably go crazy and I somewhat understand...ours did. But sadly, that's the way it is. You can still have a decent relationship from afar, but that will depend greatly on BM and whether she now decides to PAS the kid or not. It still I believe in your DHs best interest to do what he needs to do to get ahead. In this crazy world we live in, everyday is tougher...sometimes these decisons must be made.
Praying for you!
Praying for you!
Is DH willing to leave his
Is DH willing to leave his child behind? More importantly, is he willing to suffer the repercussions of leaving his young son?
I really hope good things happen for you guys. I guess I just can't see respecting/loving/being with a man who could abandon his kid. He could just as easily have a kid or two with you, then divorce you, then get a new wife, and blammo...abandon your kids, too, kwim?
Unless the kid goes.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
Yes! It is not realistic to
Yes! It is not realistic to think that divorced people must be forced to live on the same block for the rest of their days, because otherwise they're "abandoning" the kids.
Same block? No. Same general
Same block? No. Same general area? Yes.
When I had my children, my committment to them was based on them and me. Whether or not I stayed married had absolutely nothing to do with what kind of mother I was/am. I am their mother. I will kiss boo-boos (when they were little), teach them what they need to learn, be there to hear about their day at school, their first date, shop for their first dance with them, and teach them to drive. I am a PARENT. One cannot be a parent from thousands of miles. Then, you relegate yourself to being "parent" in name only.
Your statement is utterly ridiculous and has NOTHING to do with what I posted.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
DH has intentionally remained
DH has intentionally remained on the base he is on now for over a decade. He has taken jobs that he didn't want to take to stay near SS7, and thankfully one of those jobs landed him a job that introduced him to me. We are grateful for the time we have had where we are, but...
DH plans to stay in the military for 30 years. They will NOT promote him to higher ranks if he doesn't have diversity under his belt. Over a decade at the same base doesn't constitute diversity by any means. Before he even changed his stance on moving to a different base, his bosses were sitting him down and telling him he needed to do it, no matter what, or else his career would end at the rank he's currently at. Apart from this, positions in DH's career field are limited to few bases in his branch of service. None of the options are near where we are now at all, so no matter what we'd be at least a 3 hour plane ride away from SS7 IF SS7 stays here with BM.
That said, DH has always had a dream to travel the world during his career. Do dreams change slightly when children arrive? Of course they do. Teenage mothers often have to change their dreams because they have kids. But DH's dreams are still possible, and he can still have a relationship with SS7. If he gets one of these jobs, it will be amazing for his career. He has connections at each of the bases that he applied to and he would learn a ton, broaden his experience, and network like crazy.
IF we ended up overseas, and IF that meant that SS7 stayed here with BM, I am 100% certain that that would mean SS7 would spend at LEAST summers with us. If it is reversed and he is with us, he will go back to BM for at least the summers.
Abandoning SS7 would be signing over his rights and never speaking to SS7 or BM again. I agree with you that you can't be as active of a parent when you are thousands of miles away. But, taking away someone's role as a parent while far away isn't fair. If that's the way we were to look at it, then every single military member with children wouldn't be a parent, and that means some children would be orphans. That could also be twisted around, because there are plenty of dead-beat, drug-using, shitty parents that live with their kids 24/7, 365 days a year who SHOULD have their role and title of "parent" taken away from them, yet there are amazing parents who happen to be active duty military that have to be away from their children.
Finally, this will sound like an instigation but I mean it genuinely: Every single member of the armed forces is married to the armed force. If the Army/Marines/Air Force/Navy wanted you to have a spouse or child, they would issue you one. Military members' first priority is the mission; family comes second. Many military members choose to be parents because, other than their career, that was/is a dream of theirs. Those people still fight for your right to have the Internet and be able to post your opinions on sites like these, and I'm 100% certain that all of those people would be completely and utterly offended that you believe that because they are thousands of miles away, fighting for your rights, they aren't parents.
I agree with you here. I
I agree with you here. I don't think I could be thousands of miles away from my daughter.
Maybe If this child was 4 or 5, and could go with the dad for long periods of time... But he is school age, so really how often would the father see the child? I'm not even sure that a four or five year old would cope well being sent off to another country without his mother for months at a time.
I'm not tellin the OP what to do. They have to do what they feel is best, but... If it were my ex husband, I would be upset that he was choosing not to be an active parent... And really, you can't deny that is what he will be doing. Skype isn't the same thing as being present.
Living away from your child
Living away from your child because of your job isn't abandonment. A LOT of "intact" families where one parent is either in the military or is civilian contractors have to live apart at times. We lived in the Middle East, and all the guys DH worked with we're there without their wives and kids. It takes some effort, but with today's technology, you can maintain a solid relationship from across the world.
I'm sending up prayers for
I'm sending up prayers for you!
Good luck! We lived in the
Good luck! We lived in the Middle East for a year and a half, and it was SO wonderfully peaceful to be 9000 miles away from BM. It did wonders for both DH's and my mental health, not to mention it was overall just a great life experience. We'll likely do another year-long contract again in the somewhat near future.
Let me tell you, girl, being
Let me tell you, girl, being 1000 miles away from BM is AWESOME!
SD16 was 6 when BM left DH the final time, filed a bogus restraining order, and fled back home to her alcoholic, prescription drug addicted mommy. SD16 has been with BM ever since.
SD16 has a fabulous relationship with DH. I would say, "I don't know how we didn't end up with a mini-me of BM" but I actually know - BM doesn't want the competition for the lead role in The Neverending Drama, starring BM. She sees her kids as possessions, not people.
Go to Europe!!
DH has been on this post (with a 10-month stint in El Paso) since 2003. I've been here since 2006. It is LONG past TIME TO GO. DH is talking Washington State. I'm meh about the weather, and iffy about leaving my mom, but she's starting to date again - I'd love for her to find someone for herself.
Mojo for you!
~Trish
I hope things go well for
I hope things go well for you. Unfortunately, I think that it will be much easier for BM to PAS the kid with dad thousands of miles away from him but ultimately the choice is yours. I wish you good luck.
Well I don't know...It has
Well I don't know...It has been said how wrong of BM to work so much and not be home enough with SS yet it is OK for dad to move thousands of miles away from a BOY who clearly needs his father...
seems like a double standard.
also if BMs who share 50/50 picked up and went overseas and left kids behind, we would all be critical but when dad does that, it is OK.
not long ago dad wanted full custody and mom supposedly is bad mom and border line neglectful. now he wants his son to be full time with neglectful mother who is never home, refuses to help with school work, refuses to pay attention to his mental health and is pretty much useless. Plus SS has emotional and anger issues. it was bad with SS being there only half time but now it is OK for him to be there full time.
i kind of see huge problem with the whole situation.