Okay so i completely feel like all the problems I have with my SDs is because of poor parenting! BM1 and BM2 have raised them against their father and ofcourse me now that I am SM.
BM1 was also a good provider and could always provide more than we could. We never thought we had to worry about having problems with SD19 because we felt her mother did a pretty good job.... that was until the last couple years before she turned 18. This is also a time that DH decided that he didn't have to say yes to everything for SD19. Ofcourse I got blamed everytime she did say no even if I had nothing to do with it or was no where around for the conversation (or textsation). Now I am treated like a black sheep and he has lost a relationship with his daughter because she refuses to include me or my BSs.... and my DH refuses to allow her to break our family apart.
BM2 is more of a friend to her children than a parent. She has two older children from a relationship before my DH. Her 20 yr old son dropped out of school and refuses to work. Her 17 yr old daughter dropped out of school also but did go back to an online school. She had three tattoos and numerous piercings at the age of 13. She allowed her to stay in the same room as her boyfriend at age 14 and she had a miscarriage last year. Both kids curse all the time and pretty much rule the house. BM2 also has SD13 and SD10. SD13 is a straight A student. She always seemed to be more like DH but recently she is pulling away from us and we believe it is because BM2 is finally succeeding with her guilt trips and degrading of DH and I. SD10 has always been BM2's baby and allowed to do what she wants but she has surprised us lately. Recently SD10 was complaining that mom, her 17 yr old sister, and 20 yr old son lock themselves up in a room to smoke marijuana together. SD13 even acknowledges that it is true but gets angry when SD10 talks about it.
DH and I have been frustrated for years but felt like there is nothing we can do about what we consider poor parenting. She feeds them (not very healthy food) but they are fed. She keeps them clothed (stained, ripped, or worn out but they are clothed). She provides housing (hasn't always been stable, is filled with not just her four kids but her 17 year old's boyfriend, her son's friend, and two other adults) but she is providing housing. What if anything can we do?