Not sure where to start but here goes. My husband has 4 children 2 of whom come to our house every other weekend and I have one son. We are currently having some issues with what is fare and what isn't. My son was having some behavior issues and my husband wanted to address them so we did. Our agreed plan was he does his chores, no back talk and taking care of his dog and he got a prize. I bought him a used kindle fire for meeting his goal of what he had set up. Now my husbands kids who are 10 and 12 (they come every other weekend ) are mad and upset because they didn't get one. Now my husband says everything should be equal as far as gifts. I have no problem with that but my son had to work for his and earn it with good behavior and doing what he was asked. He wants things fare but is it fare my son worked for his and his kids will just be given them? Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you
Life isnt fair and giving
Life isnt fair and giving gifts to one child does not mean everyone gets them "just because". I reward good behavior, not bad behavior. I do for my son what he needs, sometimes what he wants if I can afford extra. Skids? I'm not their parent, so they get whatever DH gives them. I hear it from SD all the time, thats not fair... I dont care, nobody ever said life was fair, get used to it.
i used to hear "ugh! that's
i used to hear "ugh! that's not fair!" out of sd20's mouth ALL THE TIME. like when she overheard me making an appt to get mine and bd's hair done for a wedding that she would not be attending for people she did not know. that wasn't "fair". nevermind that we had a reason and *I* was the one paying for it. it still wasn't fair.
i don't think it's fair that my daughter had rules to follow and sd didn't. i don't think it's fair that i gave bd consequences for being an asshole and sd was allowed to get away with murder. i didn't think it was fair that fdh allowed sd to gulp juice and pop with dinner when he and sd both knew that i only let bd have water or milk with dinner. i don't think it's fair that sd celebrated my miscarriage and is now over the moon about being pregnant and expects me to feel the same way. i could keep going all night.
life isn't fair. you get what you earn. skids didn't earn it, so they don't get it. end of story.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
Life isn't tee ball. Not
Life isn't tee ball. Not everyone get's to bat. End of story.
100% agree with
100% agree with Not_what_I_wanted. Life isn't fair and the sooner they learn this the better. Most DH's (mine included) are all about trying to make everything even.
Im new to this so what does
Im new to this so what does DH mean? I have tried with everything I have to explain that I always get them something when I go shopping for clothes etc. but now this is a huge issue and I can't get him to understand. I told my husband that he gives there mother child support monthly and we spend $100.00 a month traveling to pick them up for visitations so am I supposed to give my son an extra $100.00 to compensate for that....I dont think so. I have told him many times if they get something from there grandparents (there dads parents) that is a big gift and he gets a smaller one or nothing that those are there own grandparents and that it is what it is. Stuff always isn't fair.
Dear Husband (Hubby) (Hulk) -
Dear Husband (Hubby) (Hulk) - somewhere on this site there is an explanation of all that stuff.
I would tell your DH that if
I would tell your DH that if his kids want the same thing and it has to be FAIR, then they need to SET A GOAL and work hard for it. Once they achieve it, they will get their prize, and it will be FAIR.
My DH used to do the very same yours is doing and it would chap my ass something fierce.
Yes DH, please do teach my kids that the only way they will get stuff is if they work hard... while at the same time teaching your kids they'll get stuff if they bitch loud enough but not work for it... which in turn is teaching my kids that really it's all about who you know, not how hard you try.
*There are no menus at the Karma Cafe. You'll be served what you deserve.*
He suggested that we set
He suggested that we set goals for them but they are here only every other weekend and we made my son wait a month until he got his. Thats a fine idea if it works. They are usually pretty good when there here but my opinion on that is that they want to be on there best behavior while with here but my husband gets calls from there mom when they are acting like horrible at her house ie. my SS told his mom to "get up off her lazy butt and do it herself" which is horrible but when here it is like vacation I feel. I feel like my husband is not as strict with my SS/SD as he is with mine.
My sister had this exact
My sister had this exact issue. Her two girls (10 and 13 at the time) worked for 2 weeks to earn money for the the music store. At the end of the 2 weeks her SD(13 at the time) showed up for her weekend visit (which she rarely did) As sis and girls head out to mall BIL and SD ask to tag along, at the store SD starts whining and saying how its not fair they get 20$ and she doesnt and BIL hands her 20$. Sis gives each of hers 20 more,and tells him she didnt know they could just get $ for being born so just to be fair hers got 20 more each
he couldnt argue that so he just let it be and SD just stood there pouting 
*Trying to understand crazy is like trying to nail jello to a tree.*
Surelly those kids have goten
Surelly those kids have goten stuff at BM's that this kid didn't get and never will.
Explain these facts to the kids - not everyone gets what everyone else gets.
I told my kids if anyone told them life was fair they're lieing and its never too young to find out cuz it starts on the kindergarten school yard.
^^^^^ This Its not reality to
^^^^^ This
Its not reality to think you get everything someone else gets. They will surely have a problem in the real world of they grow up believeing this,
Anyway I agree with you it was not a gift, the chikd worked for it, what it really is -is jelousy, you have something therefore I want it. Teach them about how to appropriately handle feelings such as this as that's what will serve them well.
What others say and do are a reflection of them, not of you.
I didn't really think about
I didn't really think about it being jealousy I suppose. We had another huge discussion about it tonight and
Got about as many things resolved. I receive CS from my ex and I use it for my son. It is his problem that his ex uses
His kids CS for her bills. She's an idiot, inconsiderate and just actually jealous of us and what we have.
If my husband pulled that on
If my husband pulled that on me, I'd laugh and walk away.
"The witch in Hansel and Gretel - she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it." - Miranda, Sex and the City
Well I thought we had made
Well I thought we had made some progress but now I'm told that I have a real problem. Maybe I do.
I have such a hard time with my husband my sons SD disciplining my son. I think he treats his kids different because he
Only sees them every other weekend. I try my best to step back but Omgosh so hard to do.
Any advise? I tell ya between the fairness issue and this one I'm at the end of my rope. I truly
Love my husband but it seems as if we are going down a never ending path that leads nowhere.