Step Talk

My hubby's ex doesn't do that because we never sit anywhere with her.. At least we haven't had too.
But his daughter will do that all the time.
Dad, mom said this or that, is that true. It kills me because in all honesty I would love to erase the mom from his mind.. I know that is awful of me. But I cannot help it.. SO I guess part of me is a little jealous.. Oh I hate to be that way.
Anyways.. I hear you and you know you are right.. They have the past but eventually that past will be farther and farther out of site and then its our past, future and present.. That makes sense right?

I think this is about you. Not your husband. I think she is trying to "remind you" that they have a past together that didn't include you. She probably feels like an outsider and alone now that he is remarried, and in doing this she feels a connection to him, and make YOU the outsider. I don't have this problem with my DH's ex-wife, however, I do have this problem with my SD. For the last year, every time we were alone together for more than a few minutes, she tells me stories about when she was "little" with her mom and dad. Me, my mom and dad did this, me, my mom and dad did that. Over the past several months she has started doing that even when my husband is around. She has gone so far as to eelaborate on stories that happened 5 years ago, when she was 6, and can barely remember. This last time, my husband said "how can you possibly remember that, you were two". "And asleep".. I think its her way of reminding me that they have a connection outside of me, and I guess maybe makes her feel better. I am not sure on that. I do know that she feels pretty insecure at times. On some levels, I can totally understand that. But anyway, that's my two cents.

And people wonder why I am uncomfortable around his family...for this very reason...up until the last time, that's all his mother did was make reference to his ex wife, even SHE (the ex) would make references to their previous life together when we were all together at a party, it's like, I get yet, yes you were married before and have a history together...thanks, I appreciate it.

It is hard for me to "compete" with 15 years of history...how can I...even though I know logically it is not a competition...I think StressedSM brings up a very valid point.

Ugh! It's like, thank you for reminding me you had a history together, now kindly go back to your cage and let me live MY life with the man that you are NO LONGER WITH!! It just eats me ALIVE when ex's cling...UGH!

*Scream*
*deep breath*

OK, I'm better now. I guess I am sensitive to this because my husband's ex clings to his family and whenever we are together at an event it's like one big "remember when"...and I fel like a total outsider...(not with my husband, mind you, but just by being there in general.) My husband will not engage in remember when...or if there is a story that involves his ex, her presence in it is very ... un-executed...if that makes sense. (Like when we are with his daughters.)

Anyhow, I feel for you...HUGS!

Paranoid

It almost makes you tempted to be the BIGGEST BITCH and say “Remember when my husband left you because you were such an abusive control freak and so he moved out of the house with only the things he could fit in his car and when he contacted you about picking up the big things he’d left behind, like the big screen t.v. and pool table he had before the two of you move in together, and you told him that you either sold all his stuff or set it on fire…” Remember that? Then laugh like a PSYCHO…and say all nostalgic like “ahhhhh, the bad old days….” Lucky for me they were only together less time then we have been together and they were never married!

Don't I wish!! I'd be like, "yeah, remember when your husband gave you everything you wanted including the house AND spousal support AND child support and STILL paid for extras AND took on your debt and never fought you over a dime and yet you still run around telling everyone in HIS family poor you feel sorry for you...becuase you couldn't make your marriage work but your exhusband was kind enough to make sure you were well provided for yet you still run around and scream poor you?? Remember that? Remember when his new wife was so thrilled to meet you and was really going to make an effort becuase she had heard so many nice things about you and you were a complete b**** and shut her down?"

Shall I go on?? *laughs*

OOOOOOOOOooooooh, did I giggle over that one, Nise, thank you!!!!

Luckily she wasn't too "remember when-ny" but she made a comment about things that my husband and her used to do...had to do with drinking 'cause that's what we were talking about...like, I don't know if he told you but we had some weekends where...it was just brief, but still uncomfortable as hell and it's like, WHY are you telling me this?? Is this supposed to make me feel, what, comfortable? I swear, people have no class or sense...honestly!

What's a gal supposed to do?! It's maddening!

Thank God for this board and you ladies!

xo
Paranoid

Nise, you are hysterical! I am doubled over right now!!! That is the perfect twist on a very uncomfortable situation! It's shifts in our thinking about these experiences that will get us through!

I was at the gym this morning and thanking my DH's ex for inspiring me to add two more classes to my workout routine. One of the biggest advantages to having someone hate on you so much is making sure you always look good! I've always taken great care of myself but she motivates me to look my best whenever I leave the house - she's my muse- "How fab would I look if I ran into your Humpty Dumpty a$$ today"?

Remember when you used to beg him to have sex with you and he was just totally disgusted!!!????!!!!

You told him you were in nursing school and he found out you didn't even have a GED!!!!

Remember when... he asked you to do something about your huge "Bert" unibrow or shave your legs for days other than holidays!

You told him, "We can keep on living together as roommates, if you want, but our marriage is over"?

If you didn't want him anymore, quit hanging on!!!

And everybody's comments are CRACKING ME UP! Thanks!

you kicked him out of the house and didn't let him see his daughter because you were mad that he "didn't fold your laundry as carefully as he did his own"?

I love this game, you guys!! LOL

"You initiated the divorce and your husband agreed and went with it and then you tried to change your mind at the end and he said, no, we're done('cause they were)...? And now you're mad 'cause you don't know how to let go and your ex is married to someone else that TRULY loves him makes him happy?"

Wow, this IS fun!! *Squeak!*

God, Paranoid....I'm just going to put "ditto" on the end of everything you write. That's kinda scary!!

I think you may become my new best friend on this thing, Ally!! If you think that's something, read my new blog, Paranoid's Perils...if you think I'm insane now *grin*...just wait!!

I really think this board WILL save my sanity...or at least keep me from having to load up my husband with it!! Thank you Dawn!!!!

Paranoid

Afraid I'm not much help on that one, though.

Just knowing someone is listening is reassuring! now back to your regularly scheduled programming of...remember when... *smile*

Remember when HE CHOSE ME?!?! Huh? Remember that?!!!

BTW....BERT UNIBROW...now that is just NASTY!

That is the ultimate, Nise.
I would also like to point out that before he chose me, he chose NOT to be with you. Even with the kids to use as a guilt trip to try to keep him, he didn't want to deal with your self serving, critical, needy ways anymore.

This blog has been more therapuetic than months of therapy! I'll gladly send a check for your wonderful work, ladies!

He caught you red handed, cheating on him with the greasy spoon cook!!

This IS fun!!

Dawn

You had him arrested for domestic assault, then admitted to his mother that he had never actually touched you, and still managed to come out of it the victim?

Oh, this is better than therapy. I don't need someone to tell me how to get over what a horrible person she is...I need sommeone who's been in the same boat to help me find the humor!! That's the only way to survive this!

The only reason my husband let you move in his apartment is because you were expecting his unexpected child?

Remember when he petitioned you for a parenting plan and you thought you were going to get a big fat payday with child support and that blew up in your face too?

I like the fact that even though the ex is exceptionally pretty on the outside, that nobody really likes her because highly contaminated on the inside!!! I love the fact that my dh cringes at the idea he even dated her. He says she pretty to look at but that is as far as she goes...ha ha ha

Remember when you left to take the kids to visit your parents and threatened to not come back? Remember when he called your bluff and filed divorce papers while you were gone? Remember how you begged him to take you back - NOT!???!!!

Oh this is toooooo much, I'm with Goldenlife, where do I send the check...I got one for your guys...drumroll, please...

"Remember when you bitchily tried to use humor early on to get at my husband by remarking how the second wife got the nice ring and the nice car and my husband told you that he'd get my ring and car and give them to you and you could give us the HOUSE? Remember THAT?"

*chortles like the evil little troll I'm being right now*

Paranoid

How great to start the morning with so many giggles!!!

...when when you got caught by that guys wife and she called hubby to tell him she caught you with her husband in a cheap motel......

...when your daughter ratted you out about that guy you spent the night with in Boston.....

...when you forgot it was Sunday, you were screwing some internet guy again and you got caught lying about being out shopping...

...when you took to long in the motel with that guy and left your daughter alone & stranded waiting for you..while hubby was at work..

...when you blew that guy from just out of town on the waterfront and he told everyone he knew about it on the internet..

So when your "thinking of him often..especially today..." remember he thinks of you too once in a while....but not in the same way!!!

An old Cape Breton Proverb once said....

If she had as many on her as she's had in her ..... she'd be a porcupine!!!!!!!!!!!

This IS fun!!!!!