I have tried everything in my power to be nice to the BM and now I am just sick. I'm about 5 counts away from wanting to beat the sh*t out of her please excuse the expression but I am sick of her. Have you ever met someone that you just could not get along with no matter how hard you try? This is what happened the BM called to the house and wanted DH to go to a award ceremony for the SD but he had to work so me trying to be nice I said that I would go. So the next day my baby isn't feeling too well and the doctor's office says that they are going to try to fit her in so I call the MIL to see if she could go in my place this was around 830 and the event wasn't until 1030. She said okay so I figured it was covered anyway the BM calls the house about 1210 and asks if the husband was home and since he was home on his lunch break I put him on the phone she said for him to call her when she got off at three which he doesn't get home til 4 when we got home at 530 he called her back and she is on the phone talking to him about why I didn't come in my opinion if the problem was with me I felt that it should have been addressed with me am I wrong? anyway I asked DH if the phone call was about me and he said yes so I asked for the phone. I get on the phone and ask what was the big deal someone was there for the event and she got taken home so what was the problem? and this trick has the nerve to tell me didn't you know your baby was sick yesterday which really flicked a nerve because as the SM of her kid I am under no means obligated to them and I thought it was nice of me to even offer but she had it twisted if she thought I was going to put the BD on the back burner for her child. Would any of you? Am I wrong or what ? I just know that I am sick and tired of her and she is making me to the point that I don't want her calling or want her kids around. I'm just wondering is there anybody else out there that has problems with the BM that has another solution other than to beat her. I need help somebody please. And please excuse the errors I just got off the phone with the drama queen.
I personally
Dont deal with BM. I don't talk to her I don't engage her. She is nothing in my home and I don't give her the power to control my household. When I first got married I tried to treat her like I would want to be treated sending pics of the kids, etc. She twisted and turn things around to a point I have nothing to do with her. If she wants pics of her kids she can travel here and see her children and take the pics herself. I was done a long time ago.
Her getting you to the point of wanting to beat the crap out of her is giving her control of you. The best way to handle BM's like that is not to engage them at all. Don't even act like they exist in your home.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
Me, either.
I hardly ever deal with BM. If it's anything more than small talk, DH handles her. And if she has a complaint about me, then he handles her then, especially. I can exchange pleasantries with my BM when she's playing nice. Sometimes we even send pics back and forth of the kids. I do the "secretarial" type work in our house, so I'm the one who makes sure she gets insurance cards and forms for the kids and that kind of stuff, but otherwise, DH deals with her. It's better for me that way, because then I don't get sucked into the drama. And I think it's better for my BM, too, because I sure as hell didn't get her pregnant, so the person she needs to be talking to, anyway, is DH. You did a great thing by offering to go. Your child got sick and you had to back out, which is totally reasonable. You got a reliable family member to pinch hit for you, which is highly commendable... you could've left BM in the lurch, but you didn't. Ya did good. I'm sorry she can't see that. In my opinion, the only thing you did wrong was get into it with her afterwards. You don't need to make yourself her target. The one nice thing about BM's is that when they get all hostile, you get to turn them over to DH, because he was the idiot who knocked her up in the first place.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
it makes me so mad
that we all, and i am totally including myself, get so worked up over the BMs. they dont give a shit about us and how we feel and what theyre doing to us, so why should we? we spend so much time trying to get them to like us, wondering why they can get over their hatred, why cant they love their kids more than their own sick vindictive agendas, replaying conversations in our minds, worrying whats gonna happen next, etc. and then to top it off, we actually CARE that they dont like us, when they have no reason NOT TO! GRRRRR!!! it just makes me so mad that we care so much when all they do is continue to make us miserable and try to ruin our happy homes.
okay, so i went off on a tangent there, but the bottom line is...stop worrying about her and stop talking to her. she is nothing to u. listen to the advice of the ladies above, Cru and Georgia have ALOT of experience and are very wise. its just not worth the waste of energy.
Oh I get worked up
I get pissed. I can't stand the woman. I think she is a bad mother, the most evil manipulative liar I have ever seen! But I never and I mean never let her ever know she has gotten to me. That would give her satisfaction. Instead I don't acknowlege her. It is hard for a control freak like my skids BM to know what she says doesn't matter.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
I don't
even know what she looks like! & could give a rat's behind.
I too had a blow out w/the
I too had a blow out w/the bm this past weekend. I too got upset and pretty much still am. Still trying to get over what happened essentially a week ago.
You did the right thing by caring for your child. I would let dh know that you will no longer be filling in for him, if this is what will happen if an emergency arises and you cant fill in.
She is totally being unreasonable.
no more contact!
I don't talk to BM or have anything to do with her. She isn't allowed on my property other than to drop off the skids EOW in the driveway because she is abusive and honestly insane. I don't ever want to deal with her, and I have come very close to beating the s**t out of her (literally) when she hit the skids and/or put them in danger. That bitch won't try that again let me tell you. I can't stand her but I don't deal with her. She is nothing to me, nothing to my husband other than he picked the wrong person to have kids with, and to me SHE is the babysitter and I am the mom - considering I raise the skids and take care of them most of the time while she has sex with her bf and neglects them. I don't give a crap what she does with her time, if she expects anything from me, or anything else. I would never accomodate her or do anything purely to help her out. EVER. Anyways, I would advise you to cut contact with crazy biobitch before you end up trying to realign her nose for her like I did! hahaha.
my favorite line
My favorite line is "think of her as a babysitter." I'm a custodial SM and I too used to get so fired up. When I thought of BM as a "babysitter" and all the things DH and I can do while SD's are with their babysitter, things got better
i guess without verbalizing
i guess without verbalizing it , i too think of bm as a babysitter. she isn't outright abusive, but neither is she enriching the kids in any way, other than sending them off to slumber parties and spending time with almost everyone but her. she throws material things at them and thinks she is mother of the year.
we had to explain to a ss7 and a sd9 the other day what urinals are (to sd who didn't understand why boys had to stand up) and why girls can't use them (to ss who thinks girls have nuts), but she claims that she is open and communicates with them, specifically the 9 yo about her body etc. just one example of something I have to do because she neglects to. dh, like most guys is pretty freaked out about that whole topic, but at least he tries. ugh. sorry. the latest aggravation just snuck out....
same story
long story short, she got pissed at me, called my DH and went off on him, I called her back on the phone , told her the same thing, if you have a problem with me you take it up with me, then i turned around and chewed my DH a new one and told him if he EVER listened to her talk crap about me again he can pack his shit and go now.(he thought i was kidding until he saw the look on my face) she then proceded to call me back the next day ( because she couldn't sleep that night)and started on me all over again.
that one went one for over an hour and it bit me in the ass a month later when she turned around and slapped us with more CS payments and boy did she screw us over big time.I've talked to her twice in two years,for 30 seconds. anyways
let me ask you this, WHY do you try or want to be her friend? for the kids?
I think the kids really dont care if the adults get along, it only eats at them when the Bio-parents dont get along, i noticed the few (very few) times in six years that we are all together in the same area my SS seems very uncomfortable,and tence. he seems like he wants to get things moving as quick as possible and get out of the situation as soon as he can watch to see how they react when your all together?. what you do will never please HER so why bother, she'll stab you in the back, my sons BM is nothing to me, shes not my childrens step mom,shes not my relative,co worker or friend. just remember your the one in her childrens lives, i've told my DH that it is HER job to get to know ME and communicate with me if needed, not MY job to get to know her shes not in my kids lives.and shes never once tried to get to know the other woman in her sons life, Think about who your trying to please? and why.
in response
I really appreciate all of you guys comments it has given me alot of things to think about. I was trying to get along with her because of her kids. My daughter has a SM and we get along wonderful. But, I must face the fact that not everyone is mature.
"If you have a voice let it be heard"
thats exactly it
not everyone is mature and thinks of their kids first like the moms on here. have u ever noticed that most of the steps on here have no prob w their exes new partners?? its bc the women we deal w arent logical people,,,not good moms in most cases and dont care enough about heir kids to put them first. they are more concerned w their own vendettas.
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