That's an extremely difficult situation to be in. 3 years goes incredibly fast; and like you said, Michigan is an incredibly down economy. I currently have a friend who relocated out of MI just to get a job, and has been searching ever since for a job back there so he can move home to be with his family. It's been over a year now.

I think your daughter would understand that. You've said you guys have a really good relationship; so hopefully you can convince her that you can provide more for her from a distance.

Would you consider someplace closer to MI that's maybe a 2-3 hour drive away? I know VA is driveable, but that's still a whole day in the car. I guess it depends on where in MI your daughter lives too.

I agree with SMof2Girls.

You guys want to make a fresh start in a place where jobs are decent. You don't want to
move somewhere where the economy is still tanked.

Mel,

Of course, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just going to give you my personal opinion based on my own experience. I think you need to make your decision purely based on what's best for you and your Husband.

I'm from the Southwest originally. I grew up in Texas and Oklahoma. My Husband grew up in Ohio and later Tennessee. We had a long distance relationship for quite some time, I eventually left OK and moved to TN to be with him. I hated it. Why? We lived right down the street from BM#2, BM#1 wasn't too far either, BOTH BM's and their families were constantly in our business and I felt extremely overwhelmed. I hated being in a foriegn territory where I was highly outnumbered by DH's former in laws and associates, you know what I mean? It became a turf war in a way. BM didn't want me shopping at HER grocery store, I found myself ducking in my car seat when DH would point out that the car next to us at the stop light was his former MIL, it was always one thing after another. I felt I was both some sort of intruder and outsider at the same time. I didn't feel comfortable...it was worse because it was a small town in the mountains. It wasn't nice being in a place where I drove by the wedding chapel BM and DH had gotten married in, or having SD's point out places with their "Dad, remember when you and Mom took me there" etc stories. Get my drift?

How do you think your DH is going to feel moving to Michigan and being around your ex, his family, etc? Hopefully not like what I felt and went through but it's always possible you know?

DH and I finally made the decision to move somewhere new, where we both could make a fresh start together, away from family and all of the drama. BEST decision of our life. We moved to a new state, new city and started all over again. I now feel in control...I feel equal and not outnumbered. I feel free and no longer paranoid. It takes several years to get accustomed to a new area anyway, by the time you move DH to Michigan he'll just be getting used to it when you move to VA.

I would move to VA as planned and focus on you guys.

The whole point of moving at all really is to be in VA, closer to the ocean, where the jobs are plentiful, there's things to do, and where we'd like to retire perhaps. I'll be 40 next month and he's 38. Things are fine here in CO, we both have good jobs and his entire family is here, but we both want a new start in a place we've both always wanted to live - which happens to be VA.

So, if we are going to completely uproot ourselves, that's the only place we'd really consider. A 2-3 hr drive to my daughter's place is still in Michigan...

I'm thinking that since she just got home from spending 2 months here away from her friends, that's really the issue. If I lived in Michigan, she wouldn't have to spend every summer in Colorado anymore.

I brought that point up to her and she immediately signed off Facebook (cuz we were messaging each other) and hasn't responded to texts. Do you think I may have uncovered the real reason she wants me there?

Thanks everyone. I really needed some confirmation that I'm not being selfish or neglecting her.

Hell, I'll definitely see her more often once we move to VA than I do now here in Denver! It's driving distance, about 10 hrs, and a long weekend every other month plus a bit in summer and at Christmas would be way more than I see her living in CO.

I think she's just not wanting to leave her friends anymore during summer vacation. Now that she has a boyfriend and they want to spend every waking moment together, I can see not wanting to leave for 2 whole months at a time.

And when she gets bored at her dad's, she could always call mom to come get her...constant entertainment!

I feel better about this decision now and just hope she doesn't resent me for the rest of her life because I didn't move to Michigan!

I just want to thank you all. I feel much better and am conversing with my daughter now through Facebook about my concerns. She seems to get it and said that a lot of it came from my mother, who is still bitter about losing so many years with us.

VA plans are still in motion. Now I just have to get through this first step, moving to the 1 bedroom across the parking lot and downsizing! Step one!!!