I have had some issues with my SD25, but it has recently come to my attention that almost every time we have gotten into an argument, my husband started it. He will tell me one thing, then tell her something else. It is infuriating. She is really a good person, and she has been nice to me, but she will do things that she knows really annoys me: leaving her clothes and other things laying around the house, for example.
She recently moved home, and even before it was an idea, my DH and I talked about "What if she moved home" many times. I made it very clear, that I did not want any more pets (she has a dog, a cat, and 2 birds). My DH totally agreed with me and said absolutely not, no animals. Our carpets are already ruined, and her cat peed in a basket of my clothes before she moved out the last time (this was her 3rd time moving out and coming back). I spent a week cleaning out her room, since we turned it into an office. It was empty, and spotless.
The day before she was to move back in, my husband came home from work, with a bottle of wine, and said I would need it after he told me some bad news. She was bringing the dog and cat (she found a home for the birds), because she couldn't find anyone to take them.
Of course I was upset, we got into a big fight. All my DH can say is "I don't see what the big deal is. I don't understand why you can't just compromise this once.". I really want to hurt him when he says this, because I believe I am compromising by letting her move back in, again, at 25!
He does not do this with my SS23, or my BS16. He always stands behind what he says. It is only SD. He does whatever she wants, even if it messes with everyone else in the house.
He is ruining the relationship I should have with my SD by putting her before me, never saying no to her face, and spending entirely too much time worrying about her.
She is grown. I did tell him that if she came back, she would be last on the priorities. First would come my BS, still in high school. Then my SS, still in college. Finally her. He, of course, agreed to my face. But that changed as soon as she showed up. She freaking lives here, and he still calls her every day on his way home from work!
I am wasting my breathe trying to convince him that he is wrong. Thanks for letting me vent, it was much needed.