bulletproof's picture

SS7 starts crying hysterically during a HAPPY movie tonight.

DH and I looked at each other like, "WTF?" After calming him down, SS7 tells us that he's sad about his dog that BM put down recently. (Recently I posted about this---it was DH's dog before he and BM married, she got the dog in the divorce, she was a bitch and put this dog down without telling DH ahead of time and then texted DH afterward to be a bitch and let him know. DH was pissed that she didn't let him know in advance so he could have had a chance to say goodbye if he had wanted to).

We talk SS7 through his feelings and learn that BM never told him that she was going to put this dog to sleep. It's been DH and I's understanding that SS7 had a pretty good bond with this dog, so when SS7 said he was sad because BM never told him it was going to happen and that he was sad he didn't get to say goodbye, we obviously understood. Add to that the fact that we had to put a dog down recently and SS7 knew about it in advance AND got to say goodbye and didn't have a meltdown over that dog and we know that BM yet again fucked up.

She easily could've asked us how SS7 handled us putting down our dog prior to putting down hers, since it happened like a month before she put hers down. But that would consist of her being humble enough to do such a thing, and it would mean she'd have to actually care about her son's feelings.


Annanymous's picture

My cat was dying and I took

My cat was dying and I took her in right after my kid left for school that morning. I sat with my beloved cat in peaceful quiet and held her and loved her without a child to console. I had enough going on that morning comforting my cat to have the kid all over the place crying and hollaring, when I needed everything to be calm and peaceful for my cat. I was in my first trimester and already dealing with having to be off anxiety medication and struggling to be calm and there for my cat without going in to a pregnancy-risking panic attack. Last thing I OR the cat needed was for the kid to be flailing about crying during this very delicate time for the cat. It would have been all about consoling her and that time was all about my cat. So, my kid-12 found out about my cat-18 (I had 2 cats that both just turned 18 in April) passing when she got home from school. I was not going to let her stay home and go with me, no way. I don't care what that sounds like as that afternoon was for what was in the cat's best interest. She got consoled just fine after school. Perhaps the situation was different and the dog didn't have to be put to sleep. My angel had congestive heart failure, mitral regurgitation, cardiomyopathy, murmur, and I had been giving her water via a dropper and pills for a long time, and she went into kidney failure. Granted my kid had been prepared, by me, for about a year that cat-18 wouldn't be with us much longer and that I would not make her suffer if she got so bad that hand-forced food, water, and pills didn't keep her going. So it wasn't a 100% complete blind-side, but no that morning I did not tell her exactly what was happening.

bulletproof's picture

I don't think BM did any

I don't think BM did any preparing whatsoever. DH and I have been telling SS7 that this dog isn't doing well (he had a skin disease for a long time and was super thin---BM neglected him) and wouldn't be here much longer, but that didn't seem to help.

I do NOT think that a child should go when an animal is put down. But I can see benefit in some kids knowing in advance. I think this bothers me so much because BM knows we put our dog down about a month before she did hers and she didn't ask what we did and if it helped SS7. We just said, "SS7, Dog (obv not her name) is old and is in pain, and sometimes when this happens dogs need to be put to sleep so they don't suffer anymore. It is sad, but it is what is best for her. Today we're going to spend a lot of time with her since we won't get to see her again, and tomorrow she will go to be put to sleep." DH took the dog and when he was gone I explained to SS7 that we needed to give our other dog lots of love because she would be confused that her sister was gone and she would be lonely.

The other thing that I think BM did wrong is that she is never around. My bets are that she wasn't even the one who told SS7 about it, and that she hasn't had time to talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't feel comforted from his stepbrother or SF. I don't know; I just don't see why she thought it would be better to do it how she did it; the dog didn't have any pressing medical issues or sudden medical issues that would make her have to up and euthanize him.

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Lo que no mata, fuerza te da.

stepdown's picture

She really did have to

She really did have to discuss it with SS one way or the other, she does not sound very thoughtful, and judging from her neglect she probably did not consider putting pets down a big deal.

But I would not expect her to consult with her ex how to handle something. I get along with my ex very well but we just handled things we saw fit in our households. My DH does not even talk to his ex at all so certainly they never consult with each other. At least BM bothered to tell afterwards. DH's ex would not bother.

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I dodged the bullet escaping two stephe$$s in a short period of time!

Purplemom's picture

I have a weird perspective on

I have a weird perspective on this issue because I have done rescue for a long time- and a fair amount of the animals I took in had health issues.

My kids have always gone with me. They went with me to appointments (when they weren't in school) and unless there was some catastrophic crash happening they are always there at the end.

IME it helps the kids truly understand what is happening and WHY it is happeneing. I was taught growing up that vet visits and hard decisions are as much of a part of being a pet owner as feeding and walking every day, and you don't get to skip that because it is hard.

My kids unsterstood what was going on to the best of their ability (DD was 2 the first time she came with us- that was more out of necesity than plan- crash situation with no sitter on short notice) and neither of them have ever thrown a fit, made a scene or interferred with the process in any way, they seemed to be focused on the pet and making them "ok" because we were.....they are now 6 and 9 and the last time they were present for an end of life appointment was about a year and a half ago.

My kids DO get lots of preperation though, as we usually do hospice care at home (injections, bagged fluids, etc) so they know well in advance that things are not good, and they can see the animal declining. The medical stuff has been a part of their every day for their entire lives, so I think I have a very different perspective than most.

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I speak 3 languages, English, Sarcasm and Innuendo.

stepdown's picture

It depends on the kid. It was

It depends on the kid. It was discussed previously that SS has difficulties controlling himself, has major anger issues along with possibly something else and parents refuse to sign him for therapy or evaluation. I don't see a kid like that going to vet appointments. Having said that, he still needed to be told.

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I dodged the bullet escaping two stephe$$s in a short period of time!

stepdown's picture

Hard to tell what really

Hard to tell what really happened. It is selfish of BM not to tell SS, at the same time isn't it the same SS who has meltdowns and temper tantrums? The last thing one needs before putting your beloved pet down. I can't tell.

My DH's ex had the whole Zoo of pets and took them with her when she left, she would not be telling anyone if she puts them down. SD told me she neglected one of her cats and now it is really ill. Why do people even have pets.

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I dodged the bullet escaping two stephe$$s in a short period of time!