My family reunion is today, I want my husband to go but I don't want my SD11 to go. She and I are not close not even remotely and I feel she does not belong around my family. I want to spend time with my family without her. I feel that just because I married her father does not mean she needs to attend MY family functions. If my SD11 and I had a relationship maybe I would feel differently. I have tried to develop a relationship with her but due to her personality so far it is impossible. Maybe when she is older but now I can't see it. I feel the only obligation I have to her is to be polite that is it. Has anyone else been in this situation where there is really no relationship or a bad relationship between you and your SK(s) and you don't want to include them in your family (meaning your blood relatives) events?
I wish, she has spend the
I wish, she has spend the week with her godmother, hubby is picking her up as we speak. I told him he is excuse from attending my family reunion. I told him I am not staying long so there is no need for him to go. I make excuses so I don't have to have her there when my family has an event. But I am getting sick of going places without my husband during the summer because of her. That makes me really resent this child.
SDs do attend my family
SDs do attend my family functions, but at the last one YSD24 loudly complained about food, made negative comments about how people are dressed (WTF? she wore washed out t-shirt with holes on it and flip flops with dirty jeans and she commented how people were overdressed-it was lunch in up scale restaurant), snuggled up to her dad like a 5-year-old and then on a way home made fun of my nephews names. She has met them many times and what is her goal to make fun of their names EVERY time she sees them. And they have beautiful names.
Please do not take SDs to YOUR family functions, i clearly made a mistake doing that.
Whether you like it or not,
Whether you like it or not, SD IS part of your family. You brought her into it when you married her father.
I think it would serve you and your marriage well to try to open your heart just a little to this little girl.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
I agree with you newwife3, SD
I agree with you newwife3, SD is my husband's daughter and you are right will never be a part of my family. My blood relative are just that, MY blood relatives not hers! No need to intertwine the two. NEVER!
I am not going to go into the
I am not going to go into the whole history to get you to understand my position in this matter. But let's just say as I have made clear in other post, been there and done that! At this point it is not a good idea period.
we don't marry the skids any
we don't marry the skids any more than we marry the in laws or friends of dh's. why do you assume OP hasn't opened her heart to this kid? she probably did and was rewarded by being shit on and tossed aside. it's very narrow minded to assume that anyone just decides to not like a kid simply because they can. be realistic. there is most likely a reason for someone to feel the way they do. i didn't choose to hate my sd. she chose to engage in behaviors and treated me in such a way as to leave me with no other way to feel than to hate her. indifference is the best i can hope for. and i really do want that, hate takes up too much energy, but again, i am not choosing it, it just is.
why don't you give people the benefit of the doubt and consider that they have already done all they can to make things peaceful, but they are the only one who wants peace, therefore it doesn't work.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
I assume Dad can't go if SD
I assume Dad can't go if SD can't go and therein lies the problem.
I also understand why you may not want a rude, inconsiderate, blabbery mouthed kid whose behavoir reflects at least to some degree on your despite the fact you have zero say in her upbringing.
As someone suggested truth wins out. Dad is told the kid can't go. He can make whatever arrangements he wants to have the kid babysat including a sitter or staying home himself.
If he doesn't attend and someone asks about him "He's watching his daughter Millie". No one should inquire further but if they do just brush it aside unless its a confident.
You are correct! Very well
You are correct! Very well written, to avoid confusion, I stayed home! I don't want to leave my husband again! Besides there will be another huge family event in September, she will be back across the country with her BM then, she leaves tomorrow morning! I am upstairs in my hideaway chilling and relieved that in a few hours this nightmare of a summer will be over because she will be gone!
After being embarrassed by
After being embarrassed by skid behavior for many years, I no longer allow them to attend my family's events. No reunions, BBQs, holiday dinners, birthday parties or weddings. DH knows better than to ask. If he forgets I remind him of all the humiliating times they were allowed to attend and it ended in a fiasco. And I always remind him of the time we invited his boss to a pool party & cook out. Skid who was 15 at the time decided to skinny dip in front of everyone proving she is not fit company for anyone to be around.
"There is no way to be a perfect mother but there are a thousand ways to be a good one." ~Jill Churchill
(lol, stickafork lives in a
(lol, stickafork lives in a dream world......)My opinion is that I understand the posters concern and the frustration.I also get that SD doesn't feel like your family and that she totally sucks.But if other children go and it is a big family gathering I think you don't have the choice other than to take her since yes, and that is the only point ever I agreewith the fork lady, she is your hubbys child. Things could be different and work in your favour if there will be no other children or if she has misbehaved in the past because this is another reason to leave her at home.But for the sake of your marriage I wouldn't play the my family- your family card with your husband since he will probably feel hurt.
We are all in this together.....
My children are grown and on
My children are grown and on their own. There are no other children, just his daughter 11yr old. Well she is gone to the airport to return to her mother. Thank God it is over! She is only here through the summer (May-August).
Ha!!!Mizcece-there is your
Ha!!!Mizcece-there is your solution- If NO kids are going you can say NO kids are going, this is simple- next time:)
We are all in this together.....
i didn't like sd coming to my
i didn't like sd coming to my family stuff, either. i didn't even like having to be around her for fdh's family stuff, (still don't), so i really hated her being at mine. she has been to my family Christmas once or twice and my family reunion once or twice. she hasn't been to either in a while, and since she is no longer a minor, she will never go again.
the only things she does get invited to are bs's bday parties, and that's only because i really have to since she's his sister. i'd be happy to never see her again.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
Ughh, you make your own
Ughh, you make your own decision. Sometimes the skids can be embarrassing to 'own up to' so I get it.
I mean if my SD would to start talking/acting who she is around my family or close friends I would feel humiliated and I try to avoid things like that at all costs. I know my dh would also actually. She very much resembles her mothers white trash ways.
She loves going w/mom to WWE shows, watches all the wrestling shows, jersey shore and other trash tv like that-she's allowed to dress like a 16yr old hoochie,is given way to much freedom and being away from home and overnights, mom encourages 'dating' and even plans things with this boy Sd likes who is a bullying fool(again girl is 11). Her FB page she's had for a few years is full of girl and boy melodrama, cussing and such wonders. She is taking pictures with girls mud wrestling, pics with her bottom hanging out of bikinis or shorts with overtly sexual poses. Her hair is badly died and her roots are showing and it looks disgusting (Bm thinks it's ok to die her hair for some idiotic reason). She loves to dance provacatively to hip-hop, country or justin bieber (I know bizarre mix). She speaks very loudly, draws attention to herself with her loud and super fast talking and interrupting, fighting, pouting, huffing, puffing, yelling, crying, selfish maniuplative ways. She has an extremely heavy southern accent-which goes beyond normal to embarrasing. The girl just acts very trashy like her now married lesbo mom. Yuck, sorry, I don't want to represent-that is not the kind of family we are. We're not stuck up snobs, your normal person I guess-she's just beyond repair and I'm ashamed to have her as a SD, sorry it's just how it is.