Step Talk

I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. Only you know in your very own heart what you will and won't be able to handle.

We are here for you!!!!

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

True, only you know what you can handle. I had a BF tell me he was thinking about this girl and said he was feeling interested in her. Well I said, go for it, goodbye. I just don't have time for games or infidelity.

I'm sorry you are going through this. You don't deserve to be treated this way. It's not your fault, you did nothing to cause this. You have support here.

All I can say is after the trust is broken you will never get it back. If you are blaming yourself you need to stop. He is responsible for what he has done so let him deal with the consequences. I personally would not want to be married to someone so dumb that they are using a family cell phone to call women knowing that eventually you would find it.
I had that look on my face for a long time.

...but my 5yo daughter told me the other day that I have a big butt. Sometimes they see things (and say things!) we don't want to see or can't admit. And sometimes they are right. Out of the mouths of babes...! Of course, you're mad. You're probably spitting nails. It's okay to be mad. Just tell your little one that yes, you are mad, but you are not mad at him/her.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been in this boat, too, and it's not fun. My DH and I had a long talk about what constitutes infidelity before we were married, because we'd both been cheated on by our previous spouses. We share the opinion that you don't necessarily have to exchange bodily fluids with someone else to cheat. Sometimes I think an emotional affair is far more difficult to overcome than a one night stand. I believe it's better to work on the connection with your spouse than to seek one with someone outside your marriage.

But others disagree. Others think it's okay to flirt with, talk to and form a close platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex as long as you don't actually have sex. Some people think that if you're secure in your relationship and/or are not the jealous type, then you shouldn't care if your spouse has a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex. Some people even believe healthy, platonic relationships with others outside the marriage can actually enrich the marriage. I'm not one who thinks like that, but there are those who would make that argument. You seem to believe like me, that whether he actually had sex with these women or not, it's still a form of cheating. But maybe your husband is of the other mindset, the one that believes he can form platonic friendships with other women without dishonoring his marriage vows to you. You could give him the benefit of the doubt, because maybe he really is that ignorant of your expectations and your definition of fidelity. The argument could be made that if he were trying to hide something, he wouldn't have used a cell phone to call these women when you have access to the records. He could have easily, and inexpensively, gotten a Go phone or TracFone or something like that at the corner store for twenty bucks and kept it all hidden from you. I also strongly believe that if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear. If he wasn't hiding it, then maybe his big, dumb, stupid self didn't think of it as anything worth hiding.

I've given you two different set of beliefs ponder. First, that it's cheating. Second, that he may not think of what he's doing as cheating. You know your husband better than any of us. You have to listen to your inner voice, evaluate the evidence based on what you know of your husband and decide if a trust issue truly exists. You have to not blame yourself, because (1) no one is perfect and (2) imperfection is not an excuse for or cause of cheating. Get thee to a marriage counselor post haste. Not necessarily to save your marriage, but to see first if you want to try to save your marriage, to see next if you can save your marriage and to finally help you forge the path into the next phase of your life. A door has definitely closed, but there are others opening. The next step is to choose which door you want to walk through and whether or not you want to walk through it alone.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. It hurts, right to your heart and many of us have been through something similar. Trust takes a lifetime to earn and a day to lose...and unfortunately your hubby has no reason to be trusted now - and what is a relationship without trust? My thoughts and prayers are with you. *hugs. Try to take care of yourself today. xo

Flat out cheated on me over and over. When I found out about it he attempted to blame ME. I wasnt doing this or I was doing that. I didn't want to hear it. If he was missing something out of our relationship then I felt he should have been honest enough to tell me and work things out. I divorced him faster than he could get another stupid word out of his mouth and made a promise to myself I will never see him again. I kept that promise to myself. I divorced him in 1992 and cut off all means of communications with him. Hey if he couldn't communicate to me BEFORE the cheating started then why should I communicate with him now?

I am not in the school of thought that cheating is both partners fault. I will not take the blame for him doing things to me that he actually did to others before me. Of course I found these things out too late. I already married him. My SD's BM told me after the split. He was a serial cheater and I have no doubt he is cheating on his new wife. In my opinion I feel cheating is wrong and selfish. It is disrespectful and hurtful and turns your partner that you are supposed to have loved bitterly against the person cheating. How can anyone say they love a person if they cheat on them. In my forty something years I know this to be true.

Don't take the blame for your husband's actions!!! He chose to start talking to another woman because he wanted to. It wasn't about you it was about HIM. My thoughts are he could have told you about what he is feeling before proceeding to cheating. I am sorry but in my line of thinking his moving on to talking to another woman is emotional cheating.

My DH didn't deserve to be cheated on by BM. But BM's history is cheating with one man after another. It was HER problem not what DH did or didn't do. She had done it to several other men. Using them up for what they had and moving on. In spite of all the issues I have with my DH and in spite of the fact I get angry I don't go off running into another mans arms. Sure I am sure I can find someone. But I choose NOT to. Why because in spite of my problems with DH I respect him as a person.

I went through years of agony thinking it was something I did or didn't do. Was I not good in bed so is that why my Ex cheated? NOPE!!! One of the last conversations I had with EH he told me "I tried to hard to please him"!!! WHAT!!! Oh honey don't listen ito the excuses. He did this to you and your relationship. You didn't do this to him. Too often the cheater tries to turn the blame onto the person he/she cheated on. That way they can feel justified for the wrong they did.

I became and still am best friends with BM since. It was interesting and enlightening finding out that she went through the very same mental abuse I went through. Again it wasn't me it was ALL HIM!! She had known him since she was a child. He had always been this way. She married him when she was 16!

BM always got along when I was married to EX. She is a wonderful mother and person and not one of those crazy BM's. It has been 20 years and we are still close. Hey my EX was a jerk but he had GREAT taste in women LOL.

It is up to you if you want to continue on with your marriage. But don't waste your time if you can't 100% feel you can't trust him. Think of this this way ask yourself if you were to separate so you can think about things would he work on his relationship with you on winning you back? In my experience my ex now had permission to find other women and move on quickly to the next one while you are left devastated and crying. To me this is not a man seriously committed to your relationship. You have to figure out what is right for Kay and what you want from this man. You may find that this man is not good for you.

Sorry this is so long but this struck really close to home with me. I know exactly how you feel and went through wasting years of my life wondering what I did wrong. Listening to people telling me it may have been my fault too just to know now it wasn't me at all.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

It's all about trust now. That's the answer to what you need to do next. Can/do you think you'll be able to trust him again? The fact that he was juggling 2 women would make me, personaly, run the other way, and not look back....but that's just me. His straying is not because you did something wrong, it's because of him...that's why he needed the attention of 2 other women, there is something in him that can't be filled. HIS PROBLEM! I'm so sorry for this to be happening, and I know it's hard to try to put on the happy face for the little one, just let baby know that sometimes mommy's have bad days too, w/ my kids, I was "tired" all the time......now they say, at the bright ages of 10, & 13...wow mom, we are so glad to see you awake!!!! :)~ " I started out clean, now, I'm jaded"~ Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20

a cheater that didn't blame it on someone. Lack of character (his)is to blame, not you. I am so sorry he has hurt you this way.