DH said he absolutely WILL NEVER ask SD18 to give back her key to our house. "I always want her to have a key to the house where I live, so that she knows she always has a home to come home to.."
Doesn't your intuition ever tell you that it's a BAD idea?? I cringe at the very thought of SD18 returning to my home, especially since she made it clear she was "never coming back to this f**king house! EVERRR!" I asked DH to get the key back and he flat out refused. I asked him to do it simply because it is important to me to have the key back. "I WILL NOT DO IT," was his response.
I thought about changing the locks, but he'd simply make her a new key. 
I am waiting to come home to a destroyed house. Just yesterday, I had been out with BD8 for a couple of hours. I just had this sick feeling that SD had been in my house. Probably hadn't been and I didn't see any sign of her presence, but still...I don't want to have to worry that she will be here. EVER.
Maybe you could mention that
Maybe you could mention that it is YOUR home as well. What a dickwad.
I would change the locks and
I would change the locks and have the new keys the security type that you cannot copy without permission from the owner of the key. If he doesn't like it too bad - it is your house too and if you don't feel safe / comfortable with a hostile teen having a key to your house he needs to get over it. Do it ASAP!
Different people have
Different people have different views on that subject. Some bio-parents don't want their own grown children having access to their home. I think it sucks that your DH is making a UNILATERAL decision that is only going to continue fueling the flames between you and his kid. You asked, and he said no. I can see him not wanting to upset her by asking for the key, but I guess you are going to have to just hope that she doesn't use it.
Personally, I'd shop for a large safe and have it delivered. What's he going to do about that? My best friend has an enormous one in her closet, with a combination lock on it.
Then you keep the combo. It's your stuff in there. Have all your financial records sent via email only, so paper copies don't keep coming to the house where she can flip through any that are left on the counter.
Sanitize the hell out of your house, so it wouldn't matter who came through it.
Some of us have been doing that for a long time.
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Suess
This would be unacceptable to
This would be unacceptable to me as well.
I would never give someone a key to my home if I didn't feel that they could be trusted to not misuse the privilege. Even if that person were my child. Sounds like your H has different boundaries than you do and doesn't mind that his daughter would come and go as she please. I'm sorry. I don't know if you have any way around it. I suppose that if it were my house I would make sure that all of my valuables remained under lock and key in a safe or something. Then, just pray that SD doesn't abuse the privilege.
*****
This made me think: I have a key to my dad (and step-mom's) house. I wonder how my step-mom felt about me getting a key? I would NEVER, EVER go into their house without their permission. EVER! I don't even just come over without calling first. They do spend the entire summer at their lake house and their main house is left unattended. I will, if asked, go over to check on it. But only when I am asked to do so. I'm hoping my dad cleared it with her first...
I don't cater to crazy.
I too have a key to dad and
I too have a key to dad and stepmom's house, ONLY to take care of the cat when they are away or if they ask. I would never go over unannounced, either! My stepsister is 33 and goes over all the time, never calls first. Dad asked her to call, she ignores, and my stepmom allows it. My stepmom had no issue with me having the key...I guess bc she gave her daughter one.
I think your DH is being
I think your DH is being unreasonable. I would not have expected my own bios to have keys to my house once they had moved out permanently - if they return it would be as welcomed visitors, and I would be there to open the door to them.
I do not think your DH should have made this decision unilaterally.
Veteran disengaged SM of 11 years.
Never never gonna happen with
Never never gonna happen with any of the skids. We are getting an alarm system installed which we will have access to via our phones. SD just assumes she will have access as well. No way in hel!!!! She pouted and said it's not fair. Too freaking bad because the last thing I need is her crazy ass BM having full access to my home.
No way in hell. You should
No way in hell.
You should be able to have privacy in your home. She can have privacy in here. Ask him if you get a key to her place then.
"Sometimes good command decisions get compromised by bad emotional responses." - Ben Linus, Lost
"I think that's the issue
"I think that's the issue with kids and skids - they just walk in with no notice or advance warning." Whoever stated this is EXACTLY right.
I had my OWN dilemma with a key to our home. My SS24 had, the operative word is HAD, a key to our home when DH and I first got married. He ABUSED the situation to the NTH. He would stop over unannounced, be in our home when we WEREN'T home, etc. One time I was exercising in a t-shirt and panties and here he comes through the door staring at me in the living room working out. I had my ipod on so I didn't hear him come in.
The last straw was when he was coming over here leaving notes telling us what we needed to do about "this and that" in OUR home. Then, he even had the NERVE to tell us where we should put OUR dog's mat/bed.
I asked my husband for the number to BM's house and called and told SS24 to F&^%$#@ bring the key back to us; we want it back NOW.
It took about 6-8 months until we FINALLY got the key back because this asshole insisted on "playing games."
He no longer comes over and I don't GIVE A RAT'S ASS.
Boundaries are boundaries. He ABUSED the privledge, so that's what he gets....dumb ass.
Isn't this the SD who just
Isn't this the SD who just moved out? And it was a pretty ugly departure? Maybe your DH doesn't want to cause further hard feelings right now and wants to let things cool down.
Honestly, there's nothing you can really do about this one, anyway. He can always give her a key, just by copying his. You can't win this one. Sorry.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
Yep...like SD18 would ever
Yep...like SD18 would ever step foot near me anyway, I guess.
You're right...it doesn't really matter. But it sure as h*ll will matter when she enters this house without permission. I don't care WHOSE daughter she is.
Nanny cam? I think that is
Nanny cam? I think that is really stupid. I don't even have a key to my parents house and we have a wonderful relationship. There is no need for me to be there without them. Or if they need me to get into their house they lend me a key on those occasions. So I really don't understand why it is necessary for her to have a key. Just tell him as an adult she does not need constant access to your house. Why can't one of you be present when she is there?
My DH's kids will never have
My DH's kids will never have a key to this house. They hinted, they were not given one. His daughter came in here and was snooping around with me here. They would let BM in here in a heartbeat.
There is no reason your SD needs to have a key, esp. when it worries you. I would definitely lock my things up, and keep important papers out of sight!
On the other side of this, I have a key to my dad's home. It is only for (in my mind) when I take care of his cat when he and my stepmom are away, or for some other important reason. My stepsister has a key and comes over all the time unannounced. She is 33 and my stepmom treats her like she is 15. Anyway, my dad has asked her to call first, and she has ignored him. My stepmom has not addressed it, bc her daughter can do no wrong.