So, BM crossed the line yet again. Hubby told her that sd10 must be picked up bc I had a dr's appt. Her response to him was, "Well, where are the other kids (bio kids)going to go?" Hubby explained that they were going with me to the dr, and that she needs to pick up sd10 and that's that.
She shows up to pick her up and politely asks me to talk (this is new). I agree and she bursts into tears about how she feels that sd10 is left out and we don't treat her fairly/equally as our bio kids. I remained calm (as best as I could) and pointed out everything that we do.
*Visit's are supposed to be EOW, we have her every weekend, plus an additional 3 or 4 days.
*I watch sd10 so that she can go to work and she won't have to be home alone...every week.
*I make sure that she is included in every family outing, event, etc.
*We just got back from vacation and sd10 whined, pouted, and misbehaved the entire time.
At this point, I'm going back to the bare minimum. I'm no longer going out of my way to help BM!
My reply: GO FUCK
My reply: GO FUCK YOURSELF....have a nice day
NOT my kid....NOT my problem!!!
Your kid makes me want to overdose on birth control!!!
LMBO! That's what I wanted to
LMBO! That's what I wanted to say!
left out? because she isn't
left out? because she isn't going to your dr's appt with you. that's rich. what a dumb ass.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
It always seems like what we
It always seems like what we do is never enough. It's not our fault that she works crazy shifts and has a hard time finding a sitter! We can't always be the only option for her.
We don't have an rofr. She
We don't have an rofr. She really gets under my skin. There's a fine line between favor and obligation. It's as if she doesn't understand that I don't have to do anything that I do. As long as she's returned fed, clothed, and clean, I've done my job.
Honestly? Why would you take
Honestly? Why would you take ANY children to your Drs appointment? The last thing the clinic staff wants is a bunch of kids crowding into the waiting room/exam room. I just don't think kids should ever be at an adults Drs appointments...too many things going on. I just don't think it's appropriate.
But as far as your SD, I think you're both right. You shouldn't have to do anything more than you want to do or are willing to do. Period. But, I can also see how she would think her daughter is being treated like a second class citizen. I'm not saying I agree with her, I'm just saying I can see how she'd see it that way. You're taking YOUR kids along, but your kids stepsister can't come with.
If you're feeling that she doesn't appreciate you or isn't grateful for all that you do for her and her child, then you should definitely step back and do only what you feel comfortable doing.
If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.
Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi
I only take them when I can't
I only take them when I can't find a sitter. My midwife doesn't mind, she even let's them help her. I don't mind watching her as long as I don't have plans, but it's starting to become a habit. SD10 is rarely with hubby, she's always with me (hubby has a crazy work schedule) Also, on the day in question, BM wasn't even at work. She's going to have to find another option now, bc I'm done getting used.
""Well, where are the other
""Well, where are the other kids (bio kids)going to go?" Hubby explained that they were going with me to the dr, and that she needs to pick up sd10 and that's that."
It's really none of her business what's transpiring with your kids. DH owes her ZERO explanations. Why he did this is beyond me...
Agreed! Listen to these words
Agreed! Listen to these words of wisdom. It is NOT your responsibilty in the first place to give them equal treatment. Next time ask, "Remind me again when I had a say in bringing this child into the world?" Take care of you and yours first.
I was a bit upset too. I've
I was a bit upset too. I've told him before that he does not owe her an explanation. He likes to avoid conflict and is just as sick of her bs as I am. I could tell that she was trying to start an argument with him and he simply disconnected the call. He's come a long way bc he used to actually sit and argue with her.
I am currently going through
I am currently going through this same type of situation with my DH. My ss8 BM is a horrid wrench. She kidnapped him to another state for 3 years and we recently regained custody. Once BM moved back to the state she started requesting visitations (a side note she completed destroyed this child in those 3 years, he acts 2 and gets poop in his pants daily). When he was out of state we offer to buy plane tickets for visitation and she simply said "no". Anyways, now that she is back he is so freaking nice to her and I don't understand. A few months ago he wanted to kill her and now he is bending over backwards for her. Is so bad that he said to me the other day, "why don't we just give BM SS8's bed so he as a place to sleep when hes there". Um...NO, we have full custody where is going to sleep while he is HERE most of the time...........URRRGGGHHHH I hate being a SM
Wow. I'm amazed that a BM
Wow. I'm amazed that a BM actually cried and threw a pity party on an SM over equal treatment. That's usually the DH, DW and their families that pull that shit!
I'd have told her, well do you treat my bios fair and equal to your daughter? Do you make sure they get to do stuff with you and your daughter? If not, then you can't expect ME to reciprocate.
******
My IPOD says you are full of bullshit!
That's normally something
That's normally something that I would say but I've been avoiding getting worked up (I'm pregnant). I've been dwelling on it all week and I talked to DH about it then he got upset that she would even approach me about it. It's time that we go back to what the court order says.
BMs never think we do enough
BMs never think we do enough for their precious spawn. They still wouldnt be happy if we were treating them better than our own. Give me a break.
I'm starting to see that more
I'm starting to see that more and more. I used to be a "stonewall" towards BM but as I got older and for the sake of DH's sanity and mine, I've been a bit more tolerable than I should.
BM has gotten a little better
BM has gotten a little better on pick ups. She used to have all sorts of excuses and DH would fall for it. I fussed at him for wasting gas driving back and forth while she sat on her ass.
You don't treat SD like your
You don't treat SD like your bios because SD is not your bio. It's that simple- SD has two parents, your bio-kids have two parents. Period. Life happens that way sometimes.
You're under NO obligation to BM, and SD's care should be coming from DH anyway, not you. Like another poster wrote- you didn't bring this child into the world, they did- SD's their problem.
I sure wish I had come to this realization earlier in my 'SM career'... I put up with so much shit and suffered a lot before I figured it out. Sigh.
Take care of yourself first. You're doing a big job right now!
2 things- 1. It’s none of
2 things- 1. It’s none of BM’s business what you are doing with YOUR kids. If you want to take them with you, take them. They are YOUR kids. If you don’t want to take SD, so what, she’s not your kid. I would never take SD with me to a doctor’s appointment, but would have no problem taking my own child if I needed or just wanted to. And 2. You and your DH should not be “babysitting” for BM. If it is her time to have SD and she has something she needs to do, she needs to find her own babysitter. That is just ridiculous. I would not have that. She can call her own friend or family member, not your husband. You should put your foot down with that! My DH works in heating and air conditioning, and not too long ago, BM called him & asked him to fix her air conditioner LOL I said nope, we aren’t doing her any favors, she better look up a company in the phone book. Not our problem. She also used to ask DH to take SD when it wasn’t his week if she had something to do, but I put an end to that real quick. Now she calls DH’s mom & she says yes, but I have no control over that. At least it’s not happening in my house.
I agreed to watch her addtl
I agreed to watch her addtl days bc DH begged me too. (He was also off on those days, so it was not that bad.) I used to save those days to run my errands. DH has a completely diff schedule now and it all falls on me. NO MORE! I declined today and it's going to be that way from now on.
Well if you have a court
Well if you have a court ordered agreement, like you mentioned in earlier post; I would use that as an excuse. It sounds like becuase you were ordered every other weekend that you are the party paying child support. If she wants you to "babysit" for her then she should at least have to pay you for it. YOu are already paying her monthly for the care of the child. That is ridiculous, or at least redo the agreement for a lesser amount of child support because it sounds to me that you and your DH are providing more support for SD that BM is.