Step Talk

Oh yes and stepkids, this is MY house and not your daddy's house, although i think of it as OUR house, so HANDS OFF MY STUFF! Stop being so destructive and ASK before you grab things!

And SD(11), I'm sorry that your mother has told you that we are horrible because we don't attend every school function that you have. You see, we live 10-1/2 hours away and daddy and I have to work our butts off to cover attorney fees due to your mother. I wish you could understand why we have rules at our house. I know your mother lets you run wild, but honey, I don't want to see you pregnant at such a young age. Your brother (SS17) has finally discovered that Daddy and I aren't the enemy. One of these days, maybe you will understand that as well.

When I first met you, we clicked. It was love at first site. You needed a loving nurturing mom, and I stepped up. When your mom called me bad names to you, I told you there was no need to defend me. When you claimed to hate your mom, I told you that you really still loved her even when you didn't like her. When you told me I was a better mom, I insisted your mom was doing the best that she could, and that we are just different kinds of moms. When you confided in me that you were afraid your mom was crazy, I held you...silently, allowing you to affirm for yourself, what I long ago had figured out.

SD...then I fought for you when you wanted to live here full time, for us to make sane and rational parenting decisions. So you could play sports or try theatre. So you could change schools to the one where all the kids in the neighborhood went, so you could make friends more easily, have more opportunities. I took you to the counselor trying to help you through this maze of custody madness.

Then we won. Both of us I thought. Or rather BM surrendered you to me. But once BM realized she wasn't "responsible" to be your mother anymore, she decided to become your friend. She encouraged you to wear make-up because you weren't pretty enough without it. She bought you push up padded bras so you would think having 7th grade boys stare at your chest was cool. She kept rotating two men, not telling them but confiding in you so that you would feel grown up and special sharing that secret.

She convinced you that she was cooler, and more understanding. That she cared about all your trivial daily events more than we did. That you needed to call her daily when here, so that she remembered that cool new outfit, hair spray, earrings, movie, book, etc that you wanted her to pick up for the next time she saw you.

And when you told her you hated me now...she reveled in agreement.

Then, something happened and she said NO to you. The two of you fought and here you are back to me. But so much pain and anger has now passed between us. Your betrayals are tough to overcome.

Still I try. Still I love you. Still I mourn that little girl I met who thought I was the coolest mom in the whole world.

Please...please come back, wherever she went...I'm still here.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

First off, let me say that we miss you both so much. Making the decision to move away was one of the hardest decisions that your father and I had to make.I don't want to bash your mother and your stepdad, but moving away from them was the best thing we could do, in hopes that not only us, but you kids could finally get some peace. Staying there and fighting with them would continue to ruin your life, and I'm sorry but we just can't be party to that any longer. SS, buy letting you "go home", back to live with your mother, was giving you what you wanted again, and we do understand why you wanted to go, it's ok. We have come to accept that sometimes life just is not fair, and we hope that you can understand why we had to pick up and move on. We all still deserve a good life, especially your little brother. There is no place on god's green earth that we could go that would ever change how much we love you both so much. Time keeps passing, years go by, and with that comes alot of changes, soon you will both be grown. Out in the world, making your own decisions, and we hope you decide to include us in your life, however way you want to. You will always be a big part of our life....you always have a home in our hearts. Miss you. Dad, Chel, and Little one. :)~ " I started out clean, now, I'm jaded"~ Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20

When I came into the relationship I was very naive to alot of things. I think that has to do with the fact that I would never ever treat the new person in my daughter's father's life the way your mother has treated me. I have always felt that if my daughter's father gets someone that I would simply say to the woman treat my daughter as if she were your own because, if I should pass I want to know that my daughter is being taken care of and loved as much as I loved her. That was my idea when I came into your life but, your mother has destroyed that. She has lied to you and it hurts me so, bad to see you believe everything she tells you and hurts the people who actually do love you and want to take care of you.
I remember when your Dad decided to give up custody because, he couldn't take your mother continuing to have him falsely arrested for phone harrassment, it was I who told your Dad not to give up custody. I told your Dad you love your daughter and I see that, and if I didn't see what an amazing father you were I wouldn't put my two cents in the matter but, you fight till you can't no more because, you would rather your daughter see you fighting than not fighting at all. Your Dad took the advice and he hasn't given up ever even when he temporarily suspended the visitation till he returned to court. Your Dad thought about you all the time, he even dedicated you a poem which when I read it I cried.
I remember the last weekend I saw you when your Dad made the decision to temporarily suspend visitation I cried but, I told you your Dad loves you with all his heart and he has fought and fought but, your bed will always be there if we are at the current apartment or wherever we are at. You will always be welcome so, whenever your ready you come along.
Your Dad has won alot of things ever since that day but, he continues and he will continue because, he believes he should have full physical custody of you. I am being supportive of his decision because, I have seen what a great man your Dad is.
I tell you no one is perfect and your mother has done what she has felt in her heart is right in her eyes but, what she has actually done is hurt alot of good people for her bitterness. Your mother can't differentiate the past from the present and that is what hinders your mother from moving forward. I hope that your mother will come around even though your Dad always tells me: First mistake Shame on you, Second Mistake Shame on me and Third Mistake there is no third mistake. I honestly believe that your mother is a good person, she just has to really analyze what went wrong in the relationship for your Dad to separate from her? Your Dad is a responsible individual and your Dad would have never made the decision he did if he didn't feel it was the correct thing to do. Sometimes as a kid one doesn't understand adult decisions but, when you get older your Dad can explain and if you would like to hear my story as well regarding my daughter's father you may feel free to ask me.
I wish you all of the best in life whether you are with us or with your mother but, I wish that you become your own person and you make your own assessment about people.
Thank you,
Your SM

I'm sorry your mom deflected her feelings of hurt and anger over your father leaving her onto your tender little heads. I'm sorry she told you that your Dad didn't love you and didn't want you when it was really her he didn't love or want. I'm sorry that she told you that he wanted his new stepkids instead of you, when really he wanted me instead of her.
I hope that you can think about this and remember that your Dad visited you several times a year even though you were on a different continent, and that when one of you came to live with us at age 8, his mother visited him exactly zero times during the next 10 years while he was growing up with us. Also remember that your Dad called you at least once a week, even when we could barely afford overseas calls, and your mother called you exactly zero times in 15 years.
Also remember that your Dad paid child support on time and in full, raising the amount every year without even being asked, and when one of you came to live with us, she paid exactly zero dollars for you.
Also remember that your Dad and I are paying all your college expenses while your mother contributed zero dollars, even when invited to contribute to your college funds when she came into some money.
Love,
Stepmom

Little man..... you are a great little boy. You are smart and funny. I do not always understand why you do some of the things you do, but I want to teach you to stand up and speak for yourself. There is no "wrong" answer to life's questions. Don ever be afraid to share an opinion with me. I love you for the little man you are.

Little girl.... You remind me of a fairy, all blue eyed and innocent. I know I ticked you off by making you follow rules. That is the job of a momma. You are pretty and a social butterfly. You have a bright future in front of you... I look forward to sharing it with you. I love you for the great little girl you are.

Keep a job and don't ask for money. Everything will be perfect if you do this!

Don't believe everything you hear. If you both extend yourselves and open up your minds and hearts, you just may learn what a great guy your dad really is. You might actually decide that you LIKE him. Please remember that his door is always open should you decide to take that first step. You will be surprised at what you find on the other side of that door.

Dear SDs,

You are so lucky to have your dad. He is such a good man. I feel sorry for your future husbands because it will be so very hard for them to live up to the standard he will hold for them. I've never met a man who loves his daughters as much as he loves the three of you. There are no boundaries to what he will do for you.

You are equally lucky to have a mom who is loving you as much as she does. Sometimes parenting comes easy to some of us...others it's not as simple. She continues to do her very best and that is all anyone can ask of someone. Your struggles with her will become more apparent as you get older, and you will realize what her mental illness has restricted her in so many of aspects of her life. She really is doing the best she can.

Thank you for allowing me to be your Stepmom with no questions asked and no complaints. You have embraced me from the very first moment and I know that it can sometimes be a challenge. I am here for you and will always be here for you and I am extremely blessed to have you in my life.

I love you all the time....not because I'm married to your dad, but because it would be impossible for me not to.

Colorado Girl

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I am so sorry but that both of your parents are idiots. But I love you guys anyway.

Love,
Cruella

(I am mad at DH right now)

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

You are really cracking me up!
Nellie

You know, I actually have been working on an ongoing "letter to the skids" for a long time. It's really more of a journal, but it's written from the perspective of me talking to them. It's things I think they should be told someday, how I feel about particular incidents, the truth as we see it (as opposed to the truth as their mother sees it). It's kind of a running history. It includes excerpts from emails and a variety of other things. It's long. Way too long to post. Way too long for anyone to actually read. But it's therapeutic. It's more for me than it is for them, anyway.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

" I have feelings too"....
" I get hurt too.. "
" I am a good person if you take away the STEP from who I am "
" I love there dad and that should be important to them to have
someone with there dad to love him and take care of him "

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

Dear SK's,

We have fought hard for you and we finally won. I am going to adopt you as my own children. When I came into this marriage, I had no children of my own, but I knew your mom wasn't treating you right. I'm so sorry she said and did so many ugly things to you. I'm sorry you couldn't see past her lies to the person she was/is. It was never your fault that she beat you or wished you dead, no matter what she said. I'm sorry she messed you up and now you have to spend your times in counseling sessions instead of in school learning or playing with friends. I'm sorry your self-esteem has to be brought back up by a woman who did not give birth to you. I love you with my whole heart and as long as I am alive, that woman will never lay another finger on you. Please open your heart and trust that I will never hurt you the way you have been hurt. I love you.

~IT WAS WORTH IT WHEN I BEGAN~

So, I will just keep it to myself.

E nd the manipulation
N o means no
T ake responsibility for your choices
I am no longer your doormat
T ell the truth
L ove your father for him
E njoy what you have
M oney isn't everything
E xpect consequences for your choices
N o more drama
T rash talk is disloyalty to your father and family

Fairy tales don't last forever... your Dad ain't no Prince Charming, and your Mom wasn't Cinderella... stop being Dumpy, 'cuz the Wicked Witch of the West just ran out with Pluto.

Retired (StepMom)

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.”