My new boyfriend routinely tucks in his daughter that he has primary custody of nightly. He goes into her room, shuts the door and is in there at least 10-15 minutes . When I grew up at this age, we would go into the living room, kiss our parents goodnite and go into our respective rooms and put ourselves to bed. This makes me very uncomfortable. When I have talked to him about it he becomes very angry and states "what am I trying to do, accuse him of being a child molester?" This young lady is very well developed and walks around the house with her breasts handing out of her tank tops, etc, to the degree that her nipples will be showing at times. When I point this out to her father, he simply states that he did not notice and for her to change her clothes. She will frequently wear thin shirts with no bras. I do not understand his overlooking this. I try to explain how uncomfortable this makes me and he does not seem to understand my feelings. Am I over-reacting on this subject?
Not at all are you over
Not at all are you over reacting, I got creeped out just reading this
And the fact that he would just jump to that conclusion, WTF?! Of course, I don't know the whole story and he could just come from a very affectionate family. Maybe stick a nanny cam in there if your gut is really telling you something is wrong with the situation. Especially if he is closing the door....
"Hello darling, your crazy is showing...might want to tuck that back in..."
No. Tell your BF that his
No. Tell your BF that his daughter's dress style and behaviour will give men the wrong idea about her. And the next time he goes in to tuck her in, interrupt him and ask him if he wants icecream or something. If something inappropriate is going on, just excuse yourself from the room. Tomorrow, pack and move out.
Something isn't right. Either he is molesting her or it is mutual incest or he is at the very LEAST allowing her adult status which means there will never be room for you.
If he says he needs private time with his daughter this means that he isn't ready for a woman to share his life.
Why is he shutting the door?
No offense, but Ewwwwww.... I
No offense, but Ewwwwww....
I have a 16 yr old son and I don't think he'd appreciate mom invading his room let alone allow me to 'tuck him' in.
I agree with Lady here. If you have a gut feeling, then go with it.
Does he lock the door? If not, when he shuts the door, wait about 5 minutes
and then walk into the room. Or knock on the door if it's locked.
We are all adults here and many of us have been in situations where we were
'occupied' when a knock comes to our bedroom doors. You usually call out,
Hold on a minute, and then scramble to get dressed and then open the door.
If your DH acts kinda like that, I'd pick that fucking door lock and walk right
in. That's pedophilia, it's incest and you have a right to know what's going on
under your roof.
I'd say better to look like an utter fool if nothing like that is going on than
to be fooled by them.
And plus think of this, what if she brags to her friends and a teacher or someone
else catches wind of it, then CPS and the cops show up on your doorstep. YOU, just
by being an adult under that roof will be cast under suspicion.
Think back to the news stories of things like this. When the wife says she had no clue and everyone in the world is thinking How could she NOT know what is going on
under her roof????
******
My IPOD says you are full of bullshit!
Ewwww....that is just gross!!
Ewwww....that is just gross!! I have 2 skids that are SD10 & SS11 and we don't tuck them in at night!! We say goodnight to them and they go to their rooms!! My SD might hug my DH but that is few and far between!! There is something not right about that!
She puts those kids in clothes, I wouldn't let my dog wear...
The bed time thing, no idea.
The bed time thing, no idea. The dressing thing... Here's my story. My dh never noticed sd13 dressing similarly to your. When I confronted him, he told me since she started developing (she began very early), he was very uncomfortable even looking. So the shirt of it is, he really had an aversion to looking at her more than a glance. Since I have pointed out these things, he has now put a stop to the see through clothing, shorty shorts, etc.
Well, I'll be the unpopular
Well, I'll be the unpopular voice here.
Being "developed" doesn't mean anything necessarily.
I actually think it's pretty great that this teenage girl has a good relationship with her father. They probably spend that whopping 10-15 minutes chatting about the day or whatever before she goes to bed.
I truly don't understand why GFs/SOs get all jealous and their panties bunched up when a father actually LIKES and spends time with his daughter.
My advice? Leave it alone. If you really, truly thought you were with an incestuous child molester, I doubt you'd be with him.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
"I truly don't understand why
"I truly don't understand why GFs/SOs get all jealous and their panties bunched up when a father actually LIKES and spends time with his daughter."
The OP said nothing to indicate that she is JEALOUS about those 15 minutes that her H spends with his daughter. Where did you even get that from???
Where do you come up with the crap you post? Do you even READ what people are saying before you pop in to vomit out your 2 cents?
I don't cater to crazy.
no, she doesn't read. she
no, she doesn't read. she skims and responds. you know how i ignore sd when she stalks me? saf told me to ignore her and keep doing my job.
yeah, uh thanks for the advice. I'M ALREADY DOING THAT, BRAINIAC!!
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
I know! I read that
I know! I read that particular blog of yours Bi.
I suppose that some of us are more helpful than others.
I just get frustrated when people not only aren't on here to try to be helpful, but they also cast bizarre aspersions and accusations to the OP's when, more than half the time, it's clear they haven't even READ what was written. The other half of the time it seems as though *some people* are just trying to be divisive simply for the sake of being divisive. I don't understand why? All that I can assume is that *some people* are just rude, or they have immature critical thinking and analytical skills.
I don't cater to crazy.
If OP was NOT jealous about
If OP was NOT jealous about this time, then she wouldn't care that they do this.
Like I said, if she truly thought her BF was a pedophile, I doubt she'd be with him.
Hence, the jealousy comment.
And, Bi, I said what I said about ignoring SD because you are SO wrapped up in the fact that she visiting a WM. You post about it as much as you can, and it clearly takes up space in your head.
By ignore, I meant IGNORE. Completely. Like it's not even happening.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
Nothing the OP stated made me
Nothing the OP stated made me think there is a jealousy issue here. She is obviously concerned about this kid or the situation wouldn't be making her "Spidey Sense" tingle.
I don't think she should ignore this behavior if it's concerning her. She said "new" BF, so she doesn't really have a full sense of his character yet.
To me the closed door, tucking in at night is crossing a boundary. This is not a sign of a close relationship. This is a sign of a very dysfunctional father/daughter relationship.
"Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath."
Michael Caine
It makes me sad that people
It makes me sad that people as SO quick to jump to sick conclusions.
Just because a man "tucks in" (liberal definition here) his daughter doesn't make him a sick fuck.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
I bet Mrs. Sandusky felt the
I bet Mrs. Sandusky felt the same way when her hubby closed the basement door and spent time with the poor boys he was mentoring. We all know how that turned out.
@wayin....Exactly. That is
@wayin....Exactly. That is exactly what I was thinking too.
"Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath."
Michael Caine
OOOOOooooo.... so true.
OOOOOooooo.... so true.
"They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that is why they hated me."- Sheldon Lee Cooper
I am not jumping to
I am not jumping to conclusions about the OP's new BF. Based on what she wrote, it seems it needs to be checked out for the following reasons.
1. Tucks in his 14 y/o daughter every night.
2. Closes the door when he does it.
3. 14 y/o girl walks around in provocative clothing.
This could be totally innocent or there could be something horrible going on. Either way, the OP should trust her gut.
If something bad is happening and she does nothing, she could be held liable for anything that happens to this kid. Look at what happened at Penn State.
I'm not saying this is going on, however molesters groom their victims. If this has been going on her entire life, this could be a case where this 14 y/o girl thinks what he father is doing is "normal". She may believe all dads do this with their kids.
If the OP were simply jealous, she would leave the new relationship. To me she sounds concerned about what could be going on.
"Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath."
Michael Caine
My Biological Father (aka
My Biological Father (aka Sperm Donor, BF, etc.) molested only one of his daughters/my sister for YEARS. (The only one whose mother did not live under his roof or have any contact with her BM. She had no one to protect her. Her SM had less concern over what he did to her b/c she wasn't hers, she resented her b/c the first wife was beloved and left him and she was 2nd choice. Not to say that all SM's would be this way - obviously this is not the case here especially. But this one just didn't care. She also physically, verbally and emotionally abused my sister (the same one) herself. Their special one on one time was her being molested. She became promiscuous at a very young age as a result, and thought the only way to get attention and love was to be sexual.
It is better to be careful and wary, than to be wrong even once.
All of my comments are just an opinion, please do not take offense,
*Stepmom for 12 years of SS15, SD13 and also Mom of DS9...and it ain't easy but I knew it wouldn't be when I chose it. Thanks for this group to help me thru this rough teenage bit!
Oh and as soon as I found
Oh and as soon as I found out, I had my Mom call CPS and they were basically raided. She got punched in the face and told to lie or be beaten. She lied. However, the molestation stopped and she moved in with our Aunt not too long after that. She still misses him and loved him so much. GAG!
All of my comments are just an opinion, please do not take offense,
*Stepmom for 12 years of SS15, SD13 and also Mom of DS9...and it ain't easy but I knew it wouldn't be when I chose it. Thanks for this group to help me thru this rough teenage bit!
I completely agree with you.
I completely agree with you. If there is just one single flicker of doubt, then the OP should definitely look into this situation.
I'm sorry about what happened to your sister. There are some sick people in this world. I hope she's okay now.
"Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath."
Michael Caine
Unfortunately she is a
Unfortunately she is a disaster as a mother and lets her 13 y/o daughter sleep over at her 18 y/o BF's house...and she herself is such a slut as a result of the abuse she has done despicable things and I am not sure that she can be salvaged. It has made her a monster of another kind.
All of my comments are just an opinion, please do not take offense,
*Stepmom for 12 years of SS15, SD13 and also Mom of DS9...and it ain't easy but I knew it wouldn't be when I chose it. Thanks for this group to help me thru this rough teenage bit!
so your logic is that if i
so your logic is that if i post about it, i'm not ignoring it. ok....
i ignore when she's doing it. that doesn't mean i'm immune to being aware of what she's doing. and i post about it "every chance i get"? i post about what happens in my step life as this is in fact a step site created for exactly that purpose. so i'm really not sure what your issue with my postings is. you are obviously reading my posts every chance you get, so what's your point? the best way to deal with a problem is to deal with it. i deal with it by trying to discourage sd by not giving her the attention she craves and by getting it out of my head and into a blog. is that really so difficult to comprehend?
if you don't like what people have to say, stop reading. it's really not that hard.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
Bi, the fact that your SD
Bi, the fact that your SD hangs around a WalMart is CLEARLY on your mind. A lot.
You stated yourself that you want to figure out WHY she is doing this, reading into her actions and trying to get in her head.
I meant IGNORE her. IGNORE, like it's not even happening. You're not ignoring it. You're festering about it. Big f'n difference.
Again, if you need to discourage sd from getting the attention she craves by "getting it out," then you AREN'T IGNORING IT.
Her antics are taking up space in your head.
Stick a fork in me... I'm done...
whatever you say. you
whatever you say. you obviously don't get a damn thing i've said. i'm done going around about this with you.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
once again, your "logic" is
once again, your "logic" is f'd. if i am concerned about my teenage daughter spending too much time with an older boy, would that mean i was jealous? is being jealous a mandatory precursor to caring about a situation? that is ridiculous. you are ridiculous.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
Why do they close the door
Why do they close the door though? I am close to my DD and often went to her room before she fell asleep yet I never closed the door. I had nothing to hide.
Child molesters come in all shapes and forms. Most of them are very successful, married and have children and no one ever guesses they are molesters. Do you think child molesters look or act any differently than normal people? You seem very naive (refer to stick a fork)
The way you present the
The way you present the situation sounds really creepy. But, since we don't know the entire story, one thing came to mind. Bedtime for my son in his room was as time of winding down for us, chatting about the day, cuddling with the dogs, giggling, etc, we'd keep at it for usually around 20 minutes or so, and it dwindled down for him by the age of 16. I hope that wasn't weird. I just sat on the edge of the bed or if there wasn't room with the dogs I'd sit on the floor while we checked out for the day with each other. And he's okay. So, reading the responses, besides the provocative way the girl dresses, during the day do she and her dad share a pretty close bond, do you pick up on anything weird betwixt them during the day?
I'm with you MacMom. My OH
I'm with you MacMom. My OH has 2 kids - sd12 and ss9, they share a room when here, but he still tucks them both in and spends 10-15 minutes just chatting with them before they go to sleep.
Probably doesn't seem as creepy as it's not sd on her own, but it could be and probably is just dad showing his daughter that they still have special time together even though he now has a new gf.
My dd's are 9 (almost 10) and 6 (almost 7) and I still tuck them both in and spend about 5 mins in each ones room just having a joke and a cuddle before they go to sleep but that's allowed it seems because I'm the woman. I hope (but have never thought to ask) that when they are at their bf's he tucks them in too. It is what they are used to and it will stop soon enough when they are ready.
Most 14yo girls dress provocatively if allowed. Dad might just not have given it a lot of thought or liked to look/notice IYKWIM.
NANNY CAM all the way!
NANNY CAM all the way!
All of my comments are just an opinion, please do not take offense,
*Stepmom for 12 years of SS15, SD13 and also Mom of DS9...and it ain't easy but I knew it wouldn't be when I chose it. Thanks for this group to help me thru this rough teenage bit!
So lets assume you're not
So lets assume you're not exagerating and its 15 minutes. I've heard of premature ejaculation but that's a quickie isn't it? I doubt if anything physical is going on but emotionally this is not appropriate. It could lead up to something physical that is for sure.
How about a compromise. Tell him he must leave the door wide open. He'll fight back of course in which case tell him he's totally out of line and if he can't leave the door open you'll have to move on. I suspect you're more expendible than his precious father/daughter moments.
first of all molestation does
first of all molestation does not mean necessarily intercourse, could be just touching.