Step Talk

Whatever you say that is contrary to what he wants will be wrong, mean, evil... whatever. If you say it in a calm manner, you don't mean it. I had this problem with my own mother. I had to allow myself to be the bad guy, even act like I was proud to be a bitch. I had to get angry & yell just to get her to listen. It's ridiculous, but it worked.

Basically, my attitude was "it's my way or the highway, beyond all reason." Funny, that's what it took for me to get respect. Sigh.

Cajun Lady
"Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez"

i don't know your DH, but since he's a man, i suspect no matter how you word it, it's going to go over like a fart in church. so, when all else fails, tell the truth. and let the chips fall where they may. and your truth may sound like this: "honey, i know you've relied on me in the past to take care of skid, and i am glad i was able to help out but things have changed and i've decided i'm just not comfortable giving up my own personal time for one whole week to watch him. i'm not trying to be uncooperative, i am simply setting some personal limits and finally trying to be fair to myself. my needs are just as important as yours and as skids and i've decided the time has come for me to start asserting this. and it starts with child care. perhaps you could ask (neighbor, sister, mother) to watch him because i'd like some free time to be able to run errands, meet with a friend, etc. this week. thanks."

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Don't answer the phone or the door. You're services are no longer available, you are retired.

Like you said he's going to use your actions against you and he'll get mad etc. Why do you owe him an excuse, reason or any explanation for your time. Besides why would he want someone who he thinks would make a terrible mom look after his kids, wouldn't that be irresponsible?

Whatever you say is going to be wrong. Make yourself unavailable.

I'm sorry, but I can't.

He doesn't need to know why. You don't have to justify it to him. It's none of his business.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I know the other day you said you left. Did you go back home? I agree with Nymh...a simple "I'm sorry but I am unable to accommodate you" will suffice.

I would hate to think he will start being nice to you simply to butter you up so you will watch his kid. That is called "being used."

I know you wouldn't want to turn me into a babysitter because you love and respect me. I have made plans.

Since he doesn't think you are a good mother then you don't think you are the person qualified to do the job. Oh you bet you I would throw that up in his face!! Especially since you are doing that service for free. You have your own problems to deal with getting your life together. Don't worry about his problems.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

"I have left my husband. Please pray for me for the strength I really need it tonight. can't talk more."

When/If he calls, don't give him the opportunity to ask. As soon as you hear his voice on the phone just say "I don't have time to talk, I have a lot going on right now." and hang up. You don't owe him anything.

I just thought it not be best to stir the pot with 'retaliation', but just ease my way out of this and leave it at that. But I have to say that I do like some of your ideas and it has given me food for thought for sure.

I love the thought of being retired. That's classic.

I also like the mother comments. That seems appropriate.

StepMom

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.”

Why would you care what he thinks if you left him? Its his problem so tell him to deal with it unless you are trying to fix the marriage and the problems.

With as big of a smile you can muster, teeth and all, say "DH, darling, I reeeealy can't, you see, I need to work on my mothering skills before I care for anyone's children again, so when that happens, I'll get back to ya, k?" Then hang up the phone with a solid click. Why the smile? He'll hear it your voice. Hehe.

~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~

How can it be retaliation when you left him. It's the final and ultimate act of disengagement. He treated you like crap for the final time and you left. This does not make you obligated to care for his kids. If he calls you to ask you to look after his kids then he's stirring the pot. Just change your perspective.

I'm sorry, I can't talk to you right now. I need some time to heal. Maybe in a few weeks we can sit down and revisit a few topics.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

What about "hey buddy, F**k you and your attitude. Find someone who cares!!"

Sorry sweetie, couldnt resist!

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

And since I'm a Guy, I know what Hurts, without being unpolite ( I Know It's not a real word, but impolite just doesn't fit well...lol)

Babysitting fees are as follows: $X per hour base rate, plus $X for each meal I cook, $X for each extra activity I'm expected to do/coordinate, etc.$X for any transportation in My Vehicle required, and $X for any hours/part hours beyond agreed upon time.

Especially since You are such a "Bad Parental Unit" and No Longer 1/2 of a Couple, charge like any other babysitter...and demand at least 1/2 the CASH, No Checks Accepted, Up Front.

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

She used to say "I have 2 words for you and it isn't Happy Birthday".

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

A) Because it's true, they need to be able to grasp what's going on

and B) Most men will understand that language above all else.

So hopefully, he will be able to process it as not healthy to confuse his children, rather than you're mean for not wanting to help, and then maybe his hackles won't rise up.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

Why bother walking on eggshells??? Just say it however you want to say it - ie. I'm not taking care of the kids. That's about as blunt as you can get! I wouldn't care about how he'll take it. I mean, you left him, you have no further obligation towards him. His water wings are off and it will be interesting to see how he floats now.