Tessa1221's picture

BM has a problem with SM

Okay, clearly BM is jealous of me. I'm sorta tired of it and Don't have time for her drama... First she believes her 3 year old daughter saying she sleeps in bed with SM & her dad which is not true. I do not aloud it. Went to court got 50/50 and she still thinks she's the boss. She calls for a hour straight telling my bf that her she will be picking up her daughter while he's at the fire academy (because it' runs late) because she does not want me putting her daughter to bed. How ridiculous!!! Obviously we aren't allowing it, but she is forgetting that she isn't the boss. Court paper are over her word. I'm tired of her calling and complaining to my bf every time they switch what do I do to change this?

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

You need to ignore her. She

You need to ignore her. She is your boyfriend's problem. He needs to set the parameters regarding communication with his ex.

Keep calm and carry on...

Tessa1221's picture

She's calling like every day

She's calling like every day now it's too much.

Jessica

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Again, he needs to set the

Again, he needs to set the communication parameters. What is she calling about and is he taking her phone calls?

Keep calm and carry on...

MacMom's picture

With all due respect, Tessa,

With all due respect, Tessa, BM IS in fact, the boss. She's that little girls mother and has all the rights and responsibilities that come with spawning biological children - along with your BF. As future stepmoms and established stepmoms, we have NONE. These things are between BM and your BF. If things are not cooperative and they cannot work together and it's causing undue stress, particularly for the little one - mediation is a perfect solution to come to agreements on how things are handled, like PU/DO dates and times, communications between TM and TD and to their daughter, child support if necessary, just general tidying up of areas where you need to come together. I love mediation! If she is VIOLATING the current court order, then you both need to document and order a motion to enforce or change the CO. Also, this may be hard for you to do, but try to meet her. It's scary for a mom to relinquish her children to someone she doesn't know. Have you tried to meet her over coffee or chatted with her at a function? And, some genuine reassurance towards the BM any time you can provide her with it, goes a long way.

StickAFork's picture

^This. Also, block her number

^This.

Also, block her number from your phone. You shouldn't ever speak with her. It's the bonus to not having spawned with her. Do you have ROFR in the CO? Does she have a point about bedtimes?

If not, IGNORE her. It will save your sanity.

Stick a fork in me... I'm done...

Jsmom's picture

You give BM way too much

You give BM way too much power. All that works is ignoring birthmom and letting the Dad deal with her. But, she is definitely not in control of anything at Dad's house...

Tessa1221's picture

I'm sorry, but she is not the

I'm sorry, but she is not the boss. Everything is by courts. They have already went to court and she is STILL thinking she can boss. She needs to be put in her spot and know her limitations when she's calling. I'm over her Jon stop calls and telling her problems to my man, when she is not his problem any longer.

Jessica

outtahere's picture

Sorry, I don't agree that the

Sorry, I don't agree that the BM is the boss. She is supposed to work together with her ex for the better of the children. Which she obviously isn't doing. She is not the boss to the extent that she can burn up his/their phone all the time. She is being very difficult, picking up the child at the fire station etc because she doesn't want the SM putting the child to bed. Please!!

I agree though, that the OP needs to let her DH deal with his ex. The problem is between the both of them. He needs to put his foot down and stop those calls.

I don't agree that the BM has the right to interfere in the fathers time with the child.

A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.

--Dorothy C. Fisher

Re: PAS - 'Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope' (Aristotle)

Tessa1221's picture

Best advice ever. I totally

Best advice ever. I totally agree. Shits going down.

Jessica

devilskid's picture

no way, the bm doesnt have

no way, the bm doesnt have the right to disrupt the f & sm home !!! the bm has to respect her ex-h & sm home !!!! the child is one thing, but to excessively call & causes problems ( not regarding the child ) that sounds like harassment...

that bm needs to cut the cord to bd nuts !!!!!

i went thru alot with my h ex - its called " they dont have a life " & hopefully the little sk wont be just like her biomom when she grows up or you will be blogging about it like all of us sm !!! i had to start blogging because of my skids

SebringLad's picture

Line 2...I do not "aloud "

Line 2...I do not "aloud " it!!! WIF...learn to spell first off !!!!!

Tessa1221's picture

Um she is not the boss!

Um she is not the boss! Everything is through the courts now she needs to back off!!!!! What's the difference if a sitter had but her to bed? It's clearly hatred. I've tried speaking to her and making peace but shd makes it impossible. She's just rude, wakes into my house demanding shit. I'm not going to allow her to think she's boss any longer. Ur just as much of a boss as my bf is.

Jessica

Melissatheothermother's picture

Document everything!! Copy

Document everything!! Copy texts or forward to your email and print them! But you be the bigger perso. And be a good person no matter how hard she pushes just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" I am trying to establish a united positive relationship for the common goal to have him happy by showing him that we are on the same team, she has been combative since day one. She purposely doesn't acknowledge me, to saying I'm basically just his dads wife.to being mean and cruel. I have done everything to just talk to me. She created some idea I'm a three headed monster. But I continue to be the kind, giving and good hearted person I strive to be and not lesser myself to anyone. She can yell and belittle me in front of him but he can already form what's what and he will resent that and remember so he will be bitter and angry towards her.i would never talk anything but positive and encouraging about her. Because he will love her Regardless but hate me for it.

I think it's common for a woman to think she has power and authority over the child because she birthed him but in joint it is equal.
You need to have a adult time to come together to discuss issues and if she refuses ... Make record of it. ( texting or email will be hard evidence) then come up with fair and equal co-parent plan and invite her to participate (. I made online journal and invited all loved ones to be a part of it) just make sure you put intent and importane of it being positive only no bashing or insinuating just state it will be gift for child one day. Basically cover your ass. Learn states custody laws and research I found sooooo much info I think site was singleparent.com or I googled custody laws or emergency custody and so Many links to any thing u can need ( I found this) and get educated and cover your ass then you can file for modification. The courts are looking who is best situation and most of all who try's to do best to make it a positive whole picture and
That includes the encouragement and provides all aspects of life information and cooperation in coparenting. I am just hoping that I can show this soon , school starts the 22nd and we have no court date and the petitioned she filed in another state first tho child has been in the same place when she took him to another stare then another after being caught for medicaid fraud but that is hard because hippa laws we can't get info so it has to be supena issued for copy of application.

Ok I have to stop because that isn't even A begining to the start of it, just remember do right thing and kill em kindness while documenting every thing! You have to show contempt or emotional or development harm or best tool is to not slander and honestly be better place for child

C's Momma

Mrsrrd's picture

“All you need is love. But a

Smiling
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt"

realtalk's picture

She doesnt have a problem

She doesnt have a problem with you she has a problem with CONTROL or feeling the need thereof. You are just a hinderance. ITS not your problem. Dont try to understand her. You put all of issues back on the source "BABY DADDY". You tell him your expectations and hold him accountable. You dont really have to deal with BM directly. A wise woman told me its not my problem and I'm telling you its HIS.... stay strong and stand your ground