Tessa1221's picture

Need advice about How my boyfriend treats stepchildren

My boyfriend has two kids I love every much. They're from two different moms... The first child is a boy he is 6, he is a great kid, very smart. His mother is an addict and my boyfriend has full custody of his son, and we have decided to keep her out of his life since she kept seeing him then doesn't call him for months off and on, even forgot his birthday. His son doesn't even call her mom. He calls me mom, so it's not much of a problem. He also is recently divorced and has a second child. She's almost 3, she's very great with speech, follows her brother around, loves me as well, potty training as we speak. Her mom completely hates me and hasn't even gotten the time to know me. First day I met her she tried to hit my boyfriends car with her child in the car and said she was worried about who her daughter is around but not about her safety? Also they finally went through court and we have 50/50. So less problems, but the crazy mother is still doing her thing. I try to ignore it until she makes it my problem calling my boyfriend all the time. It's out of hand. How do I get her to stop thinking she's his problem still? She's 22. I'm 26 I feel it won't ever change but I need it to. We will argue because of her. It's just gone to far with her. Also my boyfriend treats his kids differently. His boy get into trouble and I give him the motherly he hasn't have. I love him to death. He has zero relationship with his dad. I hate it, It hurts me to see how different he treats his son then his daughter. He babies his daughter too much. I try to explain to him and we get in arguments because he's always sticking up for her when she's on trouble. I understand they're different in age and don't exactly get the same discipline but they do need to both be disciplined and they both need to be treated the same. He doesn't even look at his son the same way as his daughter it sorta sickens me. I don't know what to do. How do I change this? It's almost like he looks at his son and sees his mother which is no where near fair. Please help me.He also thinks because she's a girl she doesn't get in trouble as much as him and that it's ok she's babied. When if he babies her she's always going to act like a baby, it's best to break it now then later or she's always going to be depending on him. He just yells at his son all the time.


hatemydad's picture

Guilt possibly or he just

Guilt possibly or he just favors his daughter more. Does SS notice the difference?

Tessa1221's picture

Yes. He cheated on her. So

Yes. He cheated on her. So I'm sure he feels guilty. How do I get him to move on from this? And treat them equally? It breaks my heart. When we have kids I'm worried We'd be second priority, or even treat my child the same as his son and not his daughter. It's just a mess. I wish he'd treat them the same. I get in the middle of it and stick up for his son so he doesn't get in trouble I stop my bf before he talks to his son. When he gets home he goes straight to his daughter and when his son talks to him I feel like he's irritated with him instantly.

Jessica

hatemydad's picture

What the SM below me said.

What the SM below me said. The more push at this saying he needs to stop SD over SS the more he will get defensive. Does MIL or FIL can they get him to see reality or someone who he listens to?

Tessa1221's picture

MIL said she is going to

MIL said she is going to discuss the way he is with both children and how it needs to change, hasn't yet. He has made progress but not enough. It's changing very slowly but I just don't see how you can come home being more excited about one child then the other. He has his son full time & daughter 50/50 I know that's part of the reason but still should give you time to fix things with his son and spend time with him. But doesn't only does things when his daughter is here

Jessica

hatemydad's picture

If he keeps it up. SD will

If he keeps it up. SD will use the situation to get what she wants and SS will probably have nothing but hostility for DH to be around SS.

Tessa1221's picture

I've explained to him that SD

I've explained to him that SD will get use to him babying her and will take advantage if him. Since I've moved in he's changed within the past 3 months he didn't use to discipline SD at all. Now he does... Barely. Not bear as much as SS

Jessica

Tessa1221's picture

& yes I catch his son getting

& yes I catch his son getting I'm more trouble probably because he thinks he's in trouble anyways do hell make a mistake. I catch him looking at his dad when he plays with his daughter then he'll say my turn, a d he's dad will say okay that's enough no more. Its strange to me how u favor one child over the other... I any it to change I just need help going about it.

Jessica

Tessa1221's picture

Stupid phone... I need it to

Stupid phone... I need it to change*

Jessica

sometimesmomof123kids's picture

You can't change him. Maybe

You can't change him. Maybe counseling might help your DH realize why he hates his own son. I understand that the mother is/was a mess, but you don't hate your kid because of that. If he does, he needs to find out why and be a better Dad or give him to someone else to raise because surely he will screw this boy up forever if he doesn't get help.

All of my comments are just an opinion, please do not take offense,

*Stepmom for 12 years of SS15, SD13 and also Mom of DS9...and it ain't easy but I knew it wouldn't be when I chose it. Thanks for this group to help me thru this rough teenage bit!

Tessa1221's picture

I have a strong relationship

I have a strong relationship with his son and less his daughter because of his favortism I can't imagine how his son was treated before this. I never noticed until I moved in. I've brought it up to him and told him he needs to build a relationship with his son. & be his best friend and let him be able to come to you. I feel he gets into more trouble because his dad is going to get mad at him anyways. My bf thinks I'm too hard on his daughter but I treat them exactly the same.

Jessica

Tessa1221's picture

I feel like we have the same

I feel like we have the same situation araqiel. He always says "she's a girl." like it gives her an excuse to let the troublesome slide. Um nope!!! I'm a girl also, and had same punishments as a child and I'm totally fine. I try to tell him she's going to take advantage of him when she's older because she's going to be use to the way DH treats SD. I treat both children the same. When I do dicipline her because he doesn't he says I'm being too hard on her, which is complete bull. She is 3, but she still doesn't get away with things and SS not be able to. I do still say, would you do the same for SD and hell still say she's a girl. Like it makes a difference. MIL told me that once SD was born he was all about her and things changed like SS wasn't his baby anymore, so he's on him constantly. How do I break him of him saying her being a girl makes a difference. He's changed a lot since I've moved in about it. But I want him to build a relationship with his son like a dad should have just as much as a daughter.

Jessica