BM insists on blaming DH for everything that goes worng in her life. He is on call for work every other week and cannot keep the kids. This is an agreement they have had since they seperated over a year ago. She insists on using him as a babysitter for her convienence. She has some class to be at for work one night this week and wants DH to keep the kids... He can't. He is on call this week, she knows this. She throws a temper tantrum and lays a major guilt trip telling him he will be the reason she loses her job. Mind you she is 7 months pregnant and about to quit her job anyway and married to a new guy that apparently wont help watch the kids either. What is with this woman! She already rapes us with child support and then throws a fit when she can't take care of the kids.
The way I see it, as the full time custodial parent of the children, it is her resposibility to care for them when she has them, not ours. We never call and ask her for help when we have the kids. Not to mention we pay her almost half our income in child support. We had to go on assistance to make ends meet and then she pulls this crap about one of their kids needs a certain outfit for a mandatory band concert at school. She can't afford it and DH has to get it for her... Isn't that what the child support is for?!?! DH agrees, but gets the stuff anyway. He says BM won't get the kid her outfit and doesn't want his daughter to suffer because BM can't get her stuff together... She already missed out on the big end of the year field trip that we paid 1/2 for because BM didn't get the money in to the school in time. Did we get our 1/2 back... no way! And guess who took care of SD while BM was at work and her class was on the field trip. You guessed it, DH...
???
That's crazy, where is the cs money going? I feel for SD, but a line needs to be drawn here. BM must be used to getting her own way with DH, thats why, like a child, she'll throw a fit with him if she does not . I would DEMAND that field trip $$ back, actually , you could use that as a great example of why not to buy anything extra, that should come out of the support $.~ " I started out clean, now, I'm jaded"~ Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20
I know! I feel really bad
I know! I feel really bad for SD but how do you draw the line without hurting SD in the process. I feel like BM needs to know that we arn't going to step in and pick up her slack everytime she needs it. She is very using to getting her way with DH. She is having a hard time adjusting to being the EX with and still thinks she is entitled to whatever she needs from him. He has a really hard time telling her no. This band concert is the reason my big lake trip with my family got cut short too. I wish DH would have just talked to the teacher and gotten her excused with make-up work. Our trip is a really big family event and I was very angry that we had to cut it so short to take the step kids with us. We had to supply them with new bathing suits since BM wasn't goin to supply those either. I bet most of the CS money is goin to her new baby with her new hubby.
re:
How old is SD??, while I don't like discussing grown up issues with kids, such as $$ issues, or c.support, maybe talking to SD about SOME of the finances, and what you all can, and cannot afford will help her understand that it's not her, and it's not personal , when you can't dish out the $$ all the time. I'm sure when her mother can't "afford" something, she comes out and says it. Explaining this to SD will be better for her than just saying "can't do it", or god forbid what her mother might tell her.~ " I started out clean, now, I'm jaded"~ Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20
SD is 13, about the maturity
SD is 13, about the maturity of an 11 year old though. She is in seventh grade. The outfit and shoes only cost DH about $15 bucks, but its the fact that we had to pay the $15 buck when BM has almost a grand a month of our money to buy them what they need.
Needy BM
Same thing here in regards to BM. Although we have SD 50%. BM blames H for all her woes, she's incredibly needy. She calls H to change the schedule all the time. She's constantly calling H for assistance for one thing or another that a 8 year old could figure out. She always needs help. And she freaks out if we get a sitter, we don't monitor her time with SD. We rarely get sitters. BM has a useless BF, nice guy but their relationship is at arms length type.
H now says why don't you get BF to help you with that. That's been somewhat effective. But it's like she looks for stuff that only my H can solve. It's so bloody grating. Grrrrrr.
If you guys are on assistance
then maybe he should look at getting a modification in CS. You guys should not go into poverty while trying to support the kids.
I agree, we are going to be
I agree, we are going to be looking into it after BM has he new baby and quits her job this summer. SS6 won't have work related child care expenses at that point and our CS should go down a few hundred a month, it will be a huge relief for us...
Well DH agreed to take the
Well DH agreed to take the night off from being on call, which we really can't afford, and keep the kids for BM while she goes to her class. Am I wrong for being totally pissed off about this? It's not that he wants to spend time with his kids, but more that he is doing her a favor. She couldn't reschedule her class. So what? That's not our problem, she put herself in this position. She is the one that controls whether or not DH can see his kids and made it a point that she wants primary custody of them, but then expects DH to be there whenever she needs him. And he is. Why am I so upset?
Baby sitter
Why doesn't she get a baby sitter? And I don't mean you DH.
Good question... I guess
Good question... I guess becuase she knows DH will do it.
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