First of all has anyone ever noticed how weird the word bleach looks? K, maybe thats just me.... So some of you may have read my earlier blogs about how my life is so unpleasent when the SK's are with us, or how I can't stand SD13 and SS6's behavior.
We've had them this weekend again and I am just miserable... again. I am really reconsidering if this is the right relationship for me. When they are not here, everything is perfect, but as soon as our weekend comes my life is mess, my house is a mess, I feel like a guest in their home and their behavior is worse then nails on a chalk bored, it just gets under my skin! SS is loud and whiny all day long, SD is even louder, obnoxious and very mean and controlling to her brother all day long.
I spent a lot of time today reflecting on what it is about them that drives me so crazy and whether it's worth trying to fix, trying to get over or trying to leave. I have the worst time trying to explain this to DH becuase I don't want him to get the wrong impression. I like his kids, I really want to enjoy them being with us, when I am one on one with them, everything is ok but the combination of the two of them together is toxic... like bleach and ammonia. Both of them are great in moderation... but mixing them together is a lethal combination. SS's loud and constant whinyness mixed with SD's loud, obnoxious meanness is more than I can handle anymore!
So what do I do? I have to discuss it with DH. I am seriously considering leaving. I can't subject my self to a life that I am not happy with, I already did that once and I left becuase I know I deserve better. I don't want to feel like a stranger in my home, I don't want the stress of dealing with their behavior anymore, I don't want the resentment of the way they make me feel when they are around and I don't want the guilt of not wanting DH's children that he loves so dearly in our home. I don't want to be the enforcer of discipline and structure of the SK's, but DH has got to do something or I'm gone. I hate to think that I picked the wrong relationship again... God, things have to get better!
Welcome to Stephood...
There are always Conflicts of "Parenting Style" in Step-Families. Trust Me, I speak from Experience as a SK, and SF. unless You can Come To, and BOTH ABIDE BY/ENFORCE, Reasonable Compromise/s of what is/is NOT Acceptable Behavior, Get Out Now. Unless You can Deal With This EOW(or whatever Visitation Schedule is) At Least until they are 18...
I am a Full Time SD, and NC BD. Most of The Worst Fights I have/had with My Beloved Old Lady, are over THE KIDS, Her's and Mine...
Steve
Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL
Honey...
Take a long look now. If you are miserable now, then it will be worse later, and you will regrettably wonder why on earth did I chose this. Trust me.
However, it sounds more like the kids are competing for attention if the two of them are acting out when they are together, but okay one-on-one. Therefore, this can be fixable, but you have to be patient. It takes time, patients, redirection and above all... team work from everyone.
I think you should sit and talk casually with BF, but don't push the issue, just send out some feelers to him. As far as the kids go, take it slow and easy and try to focus attention on one at a time, but equally, ya know. It just sounds like the kids are trying to compete with you or with each other for attention. This is somewhat normal behavior. Try to ignore the attention seeking behaviors and they may settle down. If someone gets loud, just smile and shhh, and let them know quiet voices, please etc. Don't respond when they get loud, but when they use a quiet voice, etc, then respond. (I'm not sure how old they are...)
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
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