Step Talk

What the concept of a mediator is to help both sides come to an agreeable plan. They are to listen to both sides, clarify if needed and OFFER suggestions. They are there to guide the parties and draw something up that is mutually agreeable....period.

Is there anyway that you can request another mediator? Maybe check into this...if they ask the reasons, state what has taken place with this one. I would also lay a formal "written" complaint & ask for them to respond in writing what their method of correction is to rectify this nonsense. Keep a copy of this letter for your records!

Corie

Mediators are not alloud to change court orders. I was talking about this w/ my DH last night, and he reminded me of that. Especially if both parties want the original visitation order to stay the same. The only way court order visits are to be changed is in court....mediators can only "recommened" things, they are not supposed to change and dictate when & how you see your skid. Let her try to change whatever she wants.....my DH refused to cooperate w/ our mediator, and told her she was fired (Don Trump moment), then we saw the skids when we could,and when it was practical. following the original order,that was already in place...nothing more. If the BM agrees with any suggestions DH makes, than follow it. F- the mediator. ~ " I started out clean, now, I'm jaded"~ Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20

I wonder why my DH and BM were never required to go to mediation. Especially since this was a high conflict case (on her part). Maybe because ours is an international case????

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

This is regular mediation correct? Not high conflict coordination, right?

Because mediators aren't even really supposed to suggest. The best trained mediators will only referee. So if the two parties agree on something, like what you just described, the mediators aren't to interfere. They are not the same as a GAL and don't represent the child at all.

In high conflict parent coordination, the mediators have far more leeway. They can say, "I don't think you are putting the child first here." BUT they STILL don't make these kind of micro-managed declarations that you're talking about. My mediator crossed the line many times, and the only way I knew she did was that I know 3 different mediators and asked they're opinion. One of them is the most requested mediator in Stark county and another is a high conflict parent coordinator.

I would at the very least ask what this mediator's qualifications are.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

The GAL does make such recommendations, though these are ridiculous and I wouldn't think most GALs would even go there. But they are the only one who can make recommendations to the judge. Unless this varies state to state, our mediator's report may have gone to the GAL, but the court/judge wouldn't ever see the document.

This was good for us as our "mediator" put all kinds of personal evaluations into her report to try to stroke BM's ego. "BM is very loving, very organized, very concerned, very caring, compassionate...thanked me repeated for trying to help them..." etc etc. All she said about DH was he was "cooperative."

One word.

We were appalled.

Then our attorney let us know that the mediator wasn't supposed to evaluate us like that.

What an idiot. I have considered going into this field. I don't think there are enough good people doing it.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

b4 they went i even called the court and the court told me they were referees only. we're gonna wait and see what happens at court. once BM lokks like an idiot w her phony abuse clamis, im not sure what the judge will do. will he order visitation based on the GALs recommendations? will he try to enstate the plan they worked out in mediation? will they go to mediation again? whatever the case, i told FH to tell the judge what mediator did or even maybe speak to her lawyer and see if she can just draw up the plan like she did the first time and have the judge review it. if not, they need a new mediator. i AM NOT letting FH and myself get screwed w visitation we dont want and wont work for us OR BM just bc its what the stupid MEDIATOR think sis best. also, im really sick of everyone acting like this is a child of divorce who is 10...shes 2 1/2 and only lived w dad for a yr. while it sucks, its just not possible to expect that kind of time share given BM and the situation here.
so frustrated. thanks for all yr insight...

The mediator that DH and BM went to see had a full little synopsis that was sent directly to the judge so that the judge could see who was actually willing to compromise and to get a "feel" of the case from the mediator. If they had agreed in mediation it would still have to have formal papers for the judge to sign off on for it to be enforceable.

In DH's case if mediation didn't work then the judge said he would make a decision.

until the GAL talks to everyone...we are gonna try to email her lawyer w a revised parenting plan, which is closer to what (i think) both fiancee and BM want more than what the mediator forced them into. hopefully BM will agree and lawyer can draw it up and they can present it at court. this might show the judge some good faith but the issues w BM and what shes doing to us still need to be brought up. i dont even know if the judge would allow this...no one seems to care what the actual parents want, can handle and live w, but we'll hope for the best.

only BF actually SIGNED this horrific piece of shit w/o even reading it despite every one warning him to get legal representation!!

Make sure it gets rectified NOW before it goes to a judge or else you will be forever behind the eight ball like my BF is!!

He basically signed a 25 year contract that was so lopsided in BM's favour it was practically clinging to her well-endowed backside (NYS CS can go on till skids are 25 yrs old WONDERFUL!)

they drew up in mediation is out the window...bc when they went to court my FH said he couldnt agree bc of her latest accusations of abusse...so the judge appointed the GAL etc etc...im just afraid that if we dont try to work w laywer on getting something drawn up b4 they go back to court, we may end up w alot more visitation than we actually want.
my FH though was gonna sign that piece of shit until i told him, NO the mediator absolutely CANNOT decide how u 2 are to parent yr kid and how u are to handle visitation!