Ok I have an issue that is annoying the hell out of me. DH & I had SS for summer vacation, an entire month. DH mom is living with us at the moment as well. So I caught her giving SS who is 14 months old gum! From what I understand gum in small quantities is harmless. But I don't call 5 sticks of gum that are chewed then swallowed a small quantity. So in a very nice way I said to her "I don't think giving him gum is a good idea, isn't it bad for him?" she replied "a little gum won't hurt".
I didn't press the issue I wasn't trying to be rude so I left it alone. Then I had a word with DH about, maybe he will feel more comfortable telling his mom something. But ofcourse being the mommas boy that he is, he won't tell her anything that would spoil her fun in being the sweet grandma to SS. So I text BM & told her if she's ok with her child having gum, she said yeah, the she gave permission to grandma to feed him candy is what she said. & I told BM you do realize I mentioned gum right, & with her smart ass she replied it's candy isn't.
I maybe overstepping my boundaries but I am not okay with him having gum. It has changed his eating habits & doesn't seem to want real food anymore. He's going to bed a lot later, & he used to sleep through the night now he wakes up about 3 times wanting milk. I think it's due to the extra sugar & he goes to bed pretty much on an empty stomach so he must get hungry through the night. He is also way more crankier.
What should I do, should I ignore it? Am I over reacting? Is gum really harmless, because I seem to be the only one with a problem? If I shouldn't ignore it, how do I get grandma to stop giving him gum in a way that doesn't hurt her feeling & I don't her to tell me that I'm over stepping my boundaries?
P.S. she gave him at least 5 sticks of gum daily for about 20 days out of tge month we had him. & he swallowed every single one of them. 
This is so comical. You think
This is so comical. You think it's okay to spank a 14 month old, who has no concept of consequences yet and you're getting bent out of shape about gum?
This is why everyone stereotypes people in their early 20s as being immature and not capable of raising children.
Way to go!
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
In her last 3 forum posts
In her last 3 forum posts she's been going back and forth on if she wants to and if it's legally okay for her to spank the 14 month old skid. A ton of people have told her that a 14 month old shouldn't be spanked so told she posts how she legally can if she wants, completely missing the point we were all trying to make.
And then comes this little gem about how MIL shouldn't be giving the baby gum.
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
And your wrong & late as
And your wrong & late as well. Again I already acknowledged that spanking a 14 month is not good & let me also add that I'm the only one that hasn't spanked him even though I legally can:-) & have dads permission to do so, so get over it
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
I agree. I still don't give
I agree. I still don't give my kids gum and it's because they stick it anywhere and everywhere besides in the garbage.
BD2 can't even have a sucker without sticking it in her hair, so no gum for my kids.
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
Kay you don't give your kids
Kay you don't give your kids gum or a sucker because they get other things dirty & sticky not because it's unhealthy or a chocking hazard for a 2 year old...
Lol some mother you are
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
As the parent on my children,
As the parent on my children, I will give a 2.5 year old a dum dum if I please. I don't know anyone who's ever become morbidly obese from the occassional stick of gum or sucker. And my point was more about how the kids obviously can't handle gum, therefore they don't get any. I'm really sure your SS is living off of the food pyramid.
Sorry, I don't take parenting advice from someone who thinks it's okay to beat a baby
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
My logic? Well first of all
My logic? Well first of all the spanking was another post by itself. Has nothing to do with the gum issue. & your late, I already agreed to the idea that spanking a 14th month old useless, & spanking in general regardless of age could be a bad idea as well, & I also said I was gonna take yalls advice & seek parenting classes & read some books on the proper more affective way to discipline children. So I think yall can drop the subject on that one:-)
Sticking my nose where it don't belong? Hhmmm maybe
How about you tell me where it does belong?
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
LOLOLOL I was thinking this
LOLOLOL
I was thinking this as well.
The baby may be waking up at night because he's hungry. He may be going through a little growth spurt.
Or he may be going to bed too early. Sleeping habits change, try putting him to bed 30 minutes later.
Why would you call BM when you didn't get the response you wanted from your husband? That just causes BM to view you as childish. It also shows her that the two of them are on the same page and you're the problem.
I think if mom dad and
I think if mom dad and grandmom said its okay you should just leave it alone. That's the whole parental authority against your concern--you can't win. Now, when your ss starts chocking or his teeth rot out his head you know it won't be your fault because you know better than to give a baby chewing gum. My daughter is 4 and iv just now starte allowing it but for short periods of time.
The freedom, the strength, the will to do as I damn well please.
Your right. I just need to
Your right. I just need to learn to cope with this feeling I get when these things happen. When he was born, I was the only one turning his head from side to side & kept insisting everybody else did it to. But he wasn't in my care most of the time & so ofcourse BM will do anything to contradict me. So guess what, couple months later he gets a helmet. Did she acknowledge I was right. Hell no. She said it was because of the position he was in during her pregnancy that cause the flat molded head lol
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
I think you are trying way to
I think you are trying way to hard to exert yourself as a parental figure in this child's life. Yes, you've been there since birth. Yes, he is in your home. You are still not his mother. You're never going to be his mother. And other than expecting respect in your home, you really have no rights to determine what he should and shouldn't be allowed to do. My son is 18 months old and I'd never give him gum, but I am his mother. I wouldn't be too happy if my dh remarried and my kid's sm was texting me about discipline. It would be none of her business. ANd if she spanked my child, legal or not, she'd get the beating of her life.
None of her business, I
None of her business, I disagree. I don't think it's good that you would respond to the women that is helping you raise your child that way. And that is caring for your child more time then you. That is just my opinion, I find it hard not to be a parental figure, mother a child, or love him as my own when he's in my care over 50% of the time. When he's with us I work from home & watch him while dad works. When he's at his moms he's at daycare 8 hours a day mon-fri. So technically he spends more time physically with me. So can you at least understand why it's hard for me not to be so involved?
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
Listen, I understand it, but
Listen, I understand it, but understanding it doesn't change it. Read these boards. There are FULL TIME SMs on here and these kids still worship their mothers. You aren't this kid's mother. No amount of involving yourself will not change that. I really get the sense - and you'll deny this because you're young - that you think that if you're raising him and you're acting like the mom it will make it so. You and your bf and his kid will be a happy family and bm will be irrelevant. It doesn't work that way.
And yes I would respond to a woman helping me raise my child that way. And when my sd was between the ages 2 and 6, I was her primary caregiver. My dh works a lot. I work from home. Her mother worked nights and even though the co said 50/50 we had her 75% of the time. AND STILL how she is being raised is none of my business. It just isn't. She isn't my kid. No matter how much I do or don't do, she knows that and knowing that makes her resent any rule I enforce. I will never get credit if she turns out right and I'll get all the blame when (not if) she turns out wrong. It's a fact of stephood, darlin'.
My kid is my business and his father's business. If he chooses to put a second wife (hypothetically) in the position he put me in with our child, that is on him, but if I CHOOSE to raise him differently, it is none of that wife's business. And in your case, your bf was ok with the gum.
I am a VERY involved stepmom.
I am a VERY involved stepmom. Very involved. I understand that.
However... I will never forget I used the term "WE are raising SS together" while talking to BM and she about FLIPPED HER LID!! OH.MY.GOSH. did she ever go bat shit crazy on me. And I first I thought "what an idiot, I am just tring to do what is best for SS here". Then when she calmed down she said these words to me that will resinate forever:
She said:
In your house, you may be raising SS, but in my "world" I am raising him with his father. I did not have a child with you, and no matter how involved YOU are in his life while he is with YOU, it is still his father that I had a child with. No matter how loving and caring you are with SS, and how much you look out for his best interest, his FATHER is the bottom line. His FATHER gave you that right and responsibility, not me. As far as I am concerned all of those things that YOU do for SS, are done by his father. What you do in your home is your business. Please don't think that I see you as an "equal partner" in raising my son. You are not. That does not mean that I don't respect you, or appreciate everything you do for him, but his father and I are the desicion makers when it comes to ss. Not you.
Now, this seriously pissed me off for about an hour. I then I had to take a step back and realize... she's right. I do the majority of the parenting in our house, but that is not something that BM deligated to me. That was DH. From that point on, when it came to anything that I thought might be a little bit sensitive, DH addressed it with BM, not me. There is still a line. Even for those of us that have done MOST of the parenting, even more so than BM. It sucks, it's frustrating.... but it is the truth.
Seems to me that you might need to take a step back and decide when it is appropriate for you to address BM, and when it would just be stirring a pot and have your DH address the issue.
"They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that is why they hated me."- Sheldon Lee Cooper
That might be the most
That might be the most intelligent thing your bm ever said. Thank you for explaining what I was trying to say. We can "contribute" to the care and the rules, etc., but we don't get to make them carte blanche and throw them out there to the kids' actual parents, especially the BM.
Trust me, I was shocked she
Trust me, I was shocked she was able to articulate her feelings so well. However, that is the LAST time she said anything with any kind of substance
now that she has basically given up on being a mom, she pretty much calls me and asks my permission to do things with her own kid... strange turn of events, but whatever...
"They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that is why they hated me."- Sheldon Lee Cooper
Letting 14 months old babies
Letting 14 months old babies chew gum is as dumb, ridiculous and dangerous as spanking 14-months-old babies. Same thing. Both are very dumb ideas. And constant interfering in parental decisions is dumb too. First BM said no spanking, SM insists it is her right. Then BM says OK to candy or gum, SM insists it is not.
What I am seeing here that neither BM, nor DH nor DH's mom nor SM know anything about parenting and child development plus lack any kind of common sense. Please, people, go to school first, then have kids or get married.
Looks to me like they're all
Looks to me like they're all deadset on "winning" an argument and determined to disagree with one another. That will work wonders for this child when he learns to use it to get his way.
Oh really I didn't know
Oh really I didn't know school taught you how to be a parent, raise a child, or how to be married. How old are you? And what school taught you these things?
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
Most HS have patenting and
Most HS have patenting and child development classes as well as the universities. They are there to teach people about child development and parenting so they don't do something stupid like spank a 14 month old. Hence, child development and parenting.
There are also a million books written by experienced parents and professionals who will tell you the EXACT same things as people on this site have.
If you ask, you will get answers from SMs and BMs who have been there, done that, and still going through it.
If you don't like the answers you're getting, stop posting.
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
Good point Kay. Most high
Good point Kay.
Most high schools do offer such courses. There are also courses in child psychology and child development in community colleges (in case someone is not planning on attending University). Reading also helps.
If people want to educate themselves, they will find the way.
Now this I can respect. &
Now this I can respect. & good info. I was aware of those classes but never took them. This whole parenting is all new to me. And I'm just now realizing that there is a lot more to parenting then feeding & changing diapers. I literally thought spanking is the norm, I grew up
Around it, every adult I know with kids spanks. So all this info is all new to me. So this is the smartest thing you've posted to me, all those other name calling & judging & assuming IMO is immature & doesn't relay the message you are trying to send.
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
Yeah, haven't called you any
Yeah, haven't called you any names and I know other have suggested (including me) parenting classes on one of your other posts.
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
So far, Maneater, you were
So far, Maneater, you were the only one who called people names and used profanity, did not see anyone else doing it. As about parenting classes and education it was repeatedly suggested to you by many members, it is strange you just now noticing it.
Schools might not teach you
Schools might not teach you how to be a parent per se but there are courses on child psychology and child delopment.
In any case it is very beneficial to obtain at least some education (not just about parenting), so people could make intelligent educated decisions rather than decisions that are harmful or counter-productive. So far decisions made in regards to raising this poor child (at least decisions addressed on this forum) are not very intelligent.
Certainly people cannot turn back time. But whatever they can do to educate themselves would benefit this child in the future.
Your own words have shown in
Your own words have shown in detail that you lack common sense. You gloat about stealing your DH away from BM and how much better you are than her, yet you call a 14 month old a bad little boy for doing normal things a child that age does.
I am 24 myself and your ignorance is embarrassing to BM and SMs that are the same age. Your marriage is successful? Please, you've only been married, for what, a year at most? If anything it's a work in progress because success doesn't happen overnight or even in a year.
I also agree that you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. I would never tell my MIL what is or isn't acceptable when it's not my child. I'll save those conversations when it's about my own kid, and leave skid/IL conversations to DH to handle.
It sounds to me like you have placed yourself on the pedestal to be the caretaker of this kid whom you have no legal rights to and get no respect for doing. I highly doubt BM kisses your ass. She probably only views you as the free babysitter and laughs about it with all of her friends while she's clubbing. The path you're on is going to lead you to a lot of resentment. I give it 2 years before your back here with some real issues.
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
Lol you just wasted your time
Lol you just wasted your time on nothing but assumptions.
"I didn't give my stepson his life, but I gave him my heart"
"You want to act like a bitch, you'll get treated like a bitch"
Would you like me to copy
Would you like me to copy exactly what you've said in past posts?
Once again, mouth and ass have same thing coming out of them.
If you have nothing nice to say, bite your tongue...hard
great points Kay
great points Kay
You are incorrect. Our
You are incorrect. Our answers are based on what you wrote in your posts not on assumptions. What you described in regards to rising this child and parenting lacks common sense. Hence many of us repeatedly suggested to get education, read some books and ask a pediatrician.
You however do not seem to be interested in suggestions and opinions but want to argue that you are right. Why do you even bother posting then?