Please help me!!
I have a BS 18 who will be leaving for college next month and found out today that my husband's children (SD's 10 & 14 and SS11) may be coming to live with us. I have raised my child and while of course I knew he had kids when we got together, I never thought there was a possibility that they could come and live with us. His 14 year old has had little to no contact with us in the past 2 years, she's a spoiled brat and when she doesn't get her way she is violent with the 10 and 11 year old and has been destructive with their things. BM has always given into her wants and she's out of control. I know she will bring nothing but negativity to our house and that will cause DH and I to have problems. The other 2 are okay, but they're all very needy and because of BM's guilt for her behavior, she has given them whatever they want.
I have such huge reservations about this and we have argued in the past about his "disney dad" mentality with them. I know that it will just get worse. When I think about them moving in, I get such anxiety that I'm thinking about leaving. I would never tell him to not bring the kids, I know they need him. I just don't think I can do it. There's been so much bad blood in the past and to bring that into my life on a full time basis makes me want to run.
I don't know what to do.....
Say hell no....You can up the
Say hell no....You can up the visitations but you don't have to have them full-time....Trust me a 14 year old girl is hell to live with. Thankfully ours hates me and won't ever be allowed to return as long as I live here...
Oh god 14 is a terrible age!!
Oh god 14 is a terrible age!! I have SD15 that lives with us and its HELL!!! It gets worse as they get older.
It's horrible, I wish I had a
It's horrible, I wish I had a crystal ball. I would have said hell to NO even geting involved with my man. Now I'm in love with him and hate his kids......sucks.
I am going through the SAME
I am going through the SAME thing. DH has SS15 and he comes to visit in the summer and he is up now and says he is just going to live with us! What??? I didn't think this was ever a possibility either. He has his own home with his mom, a nice house, own room, etc. Here we have a small 2 bedroom townhouse (my DS10 is in the second bedroom). I don't get it. And he lives 2 states away...I can't believe the mother would even agree to it! Before when he would come up for the summers he would want to go home after 2 weeks, we would have to force him to stay at least a month and he would beg to go home. Now what is the change? He won't admit it, but I know it is because he is jealous his mom now has 2 year old twins and is pregnant and now he is not the center of attention. But he gets attention living here by in-laws, he is SUPER SPOILED by MIL, gets whatever he wants and he manipulates them so easy, they believe every word he says. So I think that is his motive, he wants the attention back.
But I tried to say no and I've been through HELL. I look like the horrid witch and that has caused problems. SS15 does cause many problems in our marriage, but I am going to try to disengage now, and see if that works. If they do come to live with you I would try and do the same and let DH deal with them.
Maybe the evil stepmother in Cinderella wasn't so evil after all...maybe Cinderella was just a spoiled brat.
What is happening that would
What is happening that would require a change in custody?
"Women are angels & when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible like that."
Disengaging isn't even an
Disengaging isn't even an option - then I am once again "the bad guy" who doesn't like his kids....
Word. I would wear that title
Word. I would wear that title proudly if it meant saving my sanity. And really, your DH's feelings and opinions are no more important than yours. Stop living for what other people "think" of you. You are the one living your life.
You're not alone. Someone cares about you out there. Not me, but I'm sure there has to be at least one person.
Keep your fingers crossed
Keep your fingers crossed then that they don't come. If they do, try your best not to let it come inbetween DH and you. Because that is what I have done and we have been fighting a lot. Now I am going to leave things up to DH and do what he sees fit and try to keep my mouth closed even when I think what he is doing (in regards to his son) is wrong. We just have such different ways of parenting. I hope this will restore some peace. I don't know. Good luck.
Maybe the evil stepmother in Cinderella wasn't so evil after all...maybe Cinderella was just a spoiled brat.
Is mom giving them up or is
Is mom giving them up or is dad fightimg for them to come live with you. Everytime FDH mentions splittimg custody 50/50 my stomach churns. I briefly considered it becasue I hate my job but I cant stand her enough to be around her that frequently. I stay becasue I like my lifestyle too much to leave. Sad, I know.
If you arent stuck and he still brings the kids to your home, time to cash out and be proud of the child you have already raised. Travel, enjoy your life. Take me with you.
What have I gotten myself into??
If I were DH, I'd be bringing
If I were DH, I'd be bringing my kids to our home.
When we lose hope we lose part of our humanity
*
Thanks Round2! Our live is in
Thanks Round2!
Our live is in constant flux because of BM's destructive behavior. Right now, there's a definite possibility they may come and live with us but that is dependent on what happens in court in 2 weeks. The 14 year old wants to stay with her grandparents which is more than fine with me.
I just don't want to raise kids again with mine almost out of the house. This was my time to have freedom, but i don't want to lose my DH. I love him so much.
You are right, you probley
You are right, you probley won't be able to live with them! Follow your gut. You are having anxiety for a reason! It's awful and you and your DH will fight
You will be resentful, seriously think about getting YOUR OWN PLACE!!!!!!
Confused...are you fighting
Confused...are you fighting for custody?
I never thought there was a
I never thought there was a possibility that they could come and live with us.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
This was your first mistake. LOL.
I always knew it could happen, so I would not live with or marry my DH until SS was almost 16. And then I thought I was safe because SS and BM were BFF's then they moved. Less than a year after we married...SS comes to live with us. Oh joy. It was a rough 2 years, but we made it through. I know for a fact that if I married DH when SS was younger, we would be divorced.
All I can say is dis engage. I know as a mother that if someone told me that my kids could not live with me, I would divorce them. No if ands or buts about it.
Get an apartment and a
Get an apartment and a conjugal (sp) visit schedule. Seriously.