just tired's picture

Post Script to Wedding Photo Issue

True to form, SD25 who is getting married in October, told her awesome mother that DH refuses to be in any wedding photos with BM.

DH received a hate-text from BM late last night....a drunk-text....saying:

"I used to thank God every day that my children had such a wonderful father. Now I see that you never were any kind of a father. You're nothing but a fucking loser. No photos? I don't even see why she wants you at her wedding! You'd better hope that Just Tired lives a long time, because she's all you've got. I'll see to it that both your daughters hate you as much as I do! And because you probably don't have the balls to actually show up at the wedding, I'll make sure that MY father is dressed and ready to walk your daughter down the aisle."

DH says he plans to show the text to SD25 and tell her "See this. THIS is why I will not be in any photos with your mother. And by the way, if you choose to keep telling her everything, this is how the rest of my life is going to be....getting drunk-texts from your mother."

just tired's picture

Exactly....control. That's

Exactly....control. That's what fuels BM's bullshit with DH each & every time. She is no longer to control him like she did for 30 years. He finally has his balls back (stole them right outta her purse when she wasn't looking!), and he doesn't fall for any of the manipulation from BM or either of her minions (both SDs).

And, of course, I'm completely to blame. Before Just Tired came along, all 3 of them could push his ass around and steamroll right over him and he never stood up for himself. Not anymore. So, ergo, I'm the one that's made him change.

No, you stupid trolls, he finally wised up and saw through your shit and isn't interested in being someone's marionette anymore. He likes having his balls back, and I'm happy for him to keep them....I don't need his....I have my own! Smiling

And don't get me wrong...this didn't happen overnight. This has been several years of him having the fog lifted from his eyes & brain and finally seeing the 3 of them for who & what they are. Selfish users.

stepsonhatesme's picture

OMG Just tired....I swear I

OMG Just tired....I swear I couldv'e written this post (except for the 30 years time frame). It was only closer to 23 years LOL
But I'm to blame too, b/c DH woke up and isnt her or SS's " marionette anymore".

Don't care....Not my Problem!

Newstep's picture

OMG me too!!! It was 16

OMG me too!!! It was 16 years of control and manipulation for SO. It took about 2 years for him to see the light. BM and the SD's are pissed!!! One SD13 lives with us EOW and she is adjusting well. The other 2 SD24 and SD22 are doing okay to (or at least to our faces they are) but BM is losing her mind over it all. It's all Newsteps fault, she messed everything up, Dad doesn't love you anymore, and blah blah blah.

goincrazy.com's picture

WOW............. I feel

WOW............. Jawdropping!

I feel sorry for whoever marries my SD's one day, atleast they won't bother us as much. I can't help but wonder, FDH hates his ex but I'm pretty sure he would do anything for his daughter on HER special day including taking family photos. The thought really fucking annoys me

Newstep's picture

I really wonder if my SO

I really wonder if my SO would do the same thing. I know he despises the BM but I think he may do it for SD's sake. I guess we will have to wait and see. I get along with my ex and his GF pretty well. But no way in hell would I want to take a picture with him and my DD when she gets married. If we did a group photo of all of us (me,SO,ex,ex'sGF) then I would be ok with that. But a pic of just me ex and our DD no way we may be the parents but we are no longer a family unit.

just tired's picture

These bitches need to get off

These bitches need to get off our planet!!!

StepAside's picture

This is a huge reason we all

This is a huge reason we all have grown SD's who think their behavior is a-okay, we deserve all their wrath, and they are entitled to whatever they want.

I think it's so telling that BM said she's made sure both of their daughters hate him. Isn't that what these terrific mothers do? Martyr themselves and train their children to become their soldiers? Sure, an ex-wife is capable of using her children as tools, teaching them to hate others, and training them that they don't need fathers. That'll work just great, if they manage to croak last. But should they die first, oh my. That will leave spiteful stepchildren with no parents at all.

Time for a double take?

Just who wins by BM's training? SHE does. HER OWN CHILDREN become vicious pit bulls, who will struggle with every relationship they ever have.

She is a classic example of one of the worst types of parents on this planet. Life is too short.

I love how she uses the word "your" daughters. Oh yeah, they are HIS, when she's trying to threaten or guilt-trip him. Any other times, they are HERS.

What a bitch. I'm glad your DH is going to show his daughter the text. He can't control how his daughter responds, but if there's one thing we've all witnessed is, we all know what happens if the BM's actions are kept under wraps. The children get her view 100%. It's a losing proposition to remain silent.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

just tired's picture

Exactly! And DH already

Exactly! And DH already screwed up by "protecting & shielding" his daughters all those years from their mother's alcoholism, pill-popping, and multiple lesbian affairs during the marriage. He thought he was doing the "right thing". He has since told both his girls that he did them a huge disservice by shielding them from their mother, because now they don't see the "real" woman she is...they continue to want to see her through the lens that she creates for them....Mother of the Year!! (Pause for bugles blowing to herald the Queen of Motherhood....)

Please. She's a sick, eff'd up bitch, who is not above trading her childrens' mental well-being for a chance to stick it to DH as many times as she can.

This is why she needs to be off my planet!!!

stepdown's picture

It took OSD about 7 years to

It took OSD about 7 years to realize what a biatch is her BM and who really is to blame for all the mess. DH never had to say a word, opportunities presented themselves and sure BM made an ass out of yourself.

Purplemom's picture

Hey I object! I have done pit

Smiling Smiling Hey I object! I have done pit bull rescue for 10 years and none of them have ever been as vicious as these bitchy SD's!

I speak 3 languages, English, Sarcasm and Innuendo.

stepdown's picture

I probably told this story

I probably told this story how SD's BM ruined SD's wedding by getting drunk and rowdy and making a scene.

But DH did take a wedding pic with BM and SD, why argue, you want a pic, here it is.

And now there us a picture of a drunk swollen red face BM wearing yellow cotton sun dress with black bra shown at the fancy wedding ceremony LOL She is standing next to gorgeous SD wearing classy wedding dress and my good looking DH wearing expensive suit. hahah And BM like an eye sore. You wanted it, you got it. Enjoy your picture. hahah

SD never wants to look at those pics and actually does not even talk to her mother at all, but sure they have a picture.

Lalena75's picture

I was devastated that my

I was devastated that my father didn't walk me down the aisle (his excuse he didn't walk my younger sister because they were barely speaking) and then because my SM had a hissy about my mom and dad being in a pic without her (we wanted 1 with just bio's and one with steps and then 1 with all of them) so my dad refused. Mind you my mom never tried to cause problems it was always my SM, my mom acted like an adult every and anytime in public when my dad and sm were also present, my SM acted like a child and often my dad missed evens because my SM wouldn't go if my mom would be there and if he went without her she would threaten divorce. There are no pic's of my dad or SM at my wedding none it pissed my exH off so bad he wanted to throw them out or hit my dad because I was in the bathroom crying over it.
So really this is being made about BM instead of the bride, her wedding her day. Someone should be the grown up and deal for their kids sake their day not the parents. Just my feelings from what I went through.
I ever marry again I will be up front about having both my bio's in the pic's together, they don't have to stand together or be buddy, buddy but they will deal with it for me their kid or they can stay home.

I am not an option

just tired's picture

Lalena75, this is DH's choice

Lalena75, this is DH's choice and I support him in it. His view is that they are no longer a family unit and more importantly he refuses to pose for a photo, with a fake smile on his face, pretending everything is okay, when BM's sole focus in life at this point is to make him as miserable as possible...with every breath she draws. He refuses, and this latest hate-text is merely one example of why he refuses.

Sure it sucks for his daughter...hate it. But let's put the focus on what the real issue is: SD's own mother is the problem....not that daddy won't pose for a photo.

It's his right to refuse; it's his right to draw a boundary and stand by it. The problem here is that BM is no longer able to control my DH, and neither are the daughters.

Is it a shame that the SD won't have a wedding photo with both her birth parents in it together? Sure, I guess. Is it the end of the world? Nope. It's the reality of this extended family (and TONS of other extended families).

I appreciate your viewpoint, and your personal thoughts. And I'm so sorry that you were devastated at your wedding.

This wedding is going to be a freak show without a tent. BM is going to either show up drunk, or get drunk once she gets there. She will be dressed inappropriately, she'll show her ass, and make everyone uncomfortable. She'll want to put her lesbian relationship in the spotlight, and steal her own daughters special day.

SD is living in a fantasy world right now, thinking that everyone can just all get along for one day..... everyone except her mother CAN get along. Her mother will NOT let this day pass without making it all about her.

And therein lies the reason DH will not pose for a photo. He's not going to be bullied into pretending that it's all okay....because it is far from okay.

StepAside's picture

Wow Lalena, bossy much?

Wow Lalena, bossy much?

Choices... ever heard of them? Free will... think you're the only one entitled to it?

You wanted your father to be in a picture with your mother, without your SM. You asked, he said no. End of story. Well, apparently that was not the end of the story for you, but it SHOULD have been.

Based on how you write, you seem to have quite a few expectations of exactly how a stepmother SHOULD behave. Do you have any idea, as a GROWN WOMAN, how YOU should behave?

Before you suggest that anyone else grows up, perhaps you should try it.

Being a bride does not give entitled, young women carte blanche to demand whatever they want from anyone. It's just another day. It's not YOUR day, so that YOU can make all the RULES.

If YOU want a wedding that way, than YOU should FINANCE it 100%, set out a list of exactly what you want so there are no surprises, and DO NOT allow anyone in who does not sign off on your list of demands and mail it back to you.

Your last line is so reflective of today's entitlement, ME-ME-ME, disrespectful, demanding, sand-pounding, immature, SELF-ABSORBED, SELF-CENTERED, SELFISH, insecure, low self-esteem, rotten to the core, young adult females. I hope you get some help.

You would force your parents to miss out on your second marriage (which I'm sure you will have) if either of them says no to being in your fairy tale picture with only the two of them and you in it? THAT is how much their presence means to you? What will you do with the pic of you and your bios if you do get one? Make a shrine with it? Have it blown up poster size and strapped to the hood of your SM's car? "Gotcha bitch!!!", I can see it now. Hang it up over your mantel so you can watch your SM squirm? Oh wait, I bet she's not allowed in your house.

IF you love your father, you will stop pointing fingers and see what YOU can contribute to peace. Each time you interact with him or his wife, is an opportunity to work on peace, or an opportunity to continue the war. I don't know what you think you stand to gain from continuing a war. But it's pretty common for today's youth to stay in what they would consider toxic relationships, as long as they stand to gain something (usually $$$).

If you truly can't stand your father's choices, cut him loose. He'll heal. Have some pride and do it. But now that you're an adult, if you choose to stay in an ADULT-ADULT relationship with your father, then treat him like a man with free will instead of your boy toy. You're his adult daughter, not his mistress. He HAS a wife.

He's not supposed to be permanent Daddy Big Buck's, and you're not supposed to be the permanent Blueberry Girl.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

StepAside's picture

I would recommend to all

I would recommend to all young stepdaughters who become bridezillas that if having mommy and daddy alone in a picture means so much, and if having stepmonster stay at home means so much, offer to fund the wedding 100%.

I know many stepmonsters, myself included, who would delight at the option of staying home and saving their money. Take all the pics you want! Have a blast, on your own dime.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

bi's picture

i would be thrilled to be not

i would be thrilled to be not invited to anything to do with sd. i was happy when bs started throwing a fit as soon as her graduation started, because it gave me a reason to leave and stay outside with him. which i did. i missed the whole thing. Smiling

i won't be going to her baby shower, i won't be going to the hospital, and i dread a wedding and her kids bday parties. if i can find a way out of it, i will.

"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."

StepAside's picture

To quote my THIRTY-year-old

To quote my THIRTY-year-old SD, "You allowed HER to cut your balls off."

He took his vows to ME. He promised himself to ME (including his testicles).

Just because he doesn't not jump to meet her demands, does not mean I cut his balls off. It means he pulled his head out of his ass.

She is THIRTY. Two years ago, she told me I need to grow up, when she wanted to bring her mother to DH's family dinner. At THIRTY, her view is still that her mother is a part of HER family, which includes members of DH's family, so technically, BM and DH ARE STILL FAMILY.

These "women" take arrested development, and stunted emotional growth to all-time HIGHS.

They need to learn to respect themselves enough to respect others!

I think they ALL need to become stepmothers to adult women just like themselves. That's the ONLY way they won't be so self-righteous.

And even then, they'd NEVER last. These types are VERY good at making demands. If they wound up in our shoes, they'd be in divorce court so fast it would make their husband's heads spin.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

bi's picture

"I think they ALL need to

"I think they ALL need to become stepmothers to adult women just like themselves. That's the ONLY way they won't be so self-righteous.

And even then, they'd NEVER last. These types are VERY good at making demands. If they wound up in our shoes, they'd be in divorce court so fast it would make their husband's heads spin."

^^^^THIS^^^^i wish this on sd more than anything. to have a sd just like her. but you're absoulutely right. she would not last and she isn't even smart enough to understand-if she was in this position-that this is exactly what she has put me thru. it wouldn't open her eyes. it wouldn't be an epiphany. it would just be here, bitching and moaning about how awful her sd is and then probably thinking how incredibly lucky I am to have HER for a sd. Barf!

"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."

StepAside's picture

I know what you mean hyp.

I know what you mean hyp. It's beyond bizarre that these grown women of today think they can boss their fathers around like their personal love slaves. And then they always say their fathers have been "brainwashed" or "castrated" by their wives.

I don't think they have ANY IDEA what a mutually respectful, adult-adult relationship looks like. They REFUSE to make the transition.

So when the dad starts to make it, because he can't excuse his daughter's tantrums anymore to his wife, the daughters scream castration!!

Do any of them own mirrors?!?!?!

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

hereiam's picture

"Someone should be the grown

"Someone should be the grown up"

Now this, I agree with. Adult step-kids should be grown up and accept the fact that their parents are divorced. They should be grown up enough to respect the feelings and decisions of their parents. Even if it is not what the adult step-kids want.

Why not have a happy picture that reflects the truth instead of a forced picture that is a lie?

just tired's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!! Thank

^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!!

Thank you all you jumped on this soapbox with me!!!! I was offended by Lalena's comments, but tried to take the high-road with my response. So thanks for having my back!!!

Lalena, let me jump down off the high-road for just a moment to say this to you:

GET OVER YOURSELF.

Why all you self-absorbed, entitled adult daughters of divorced parents believe that YOU get to call the shots is completely beyond me and all these fine women here.

Get over yourself.

Sure, it's your wedding day, but that doesn't mean to are suddenly permitted to tell the adults in your life how things are going to be.

hereiam is 100% spot on: YOU should have been the adult at your wedding, and realized that forcing people to do things they don't want to do is childish and disrespectful.

And blaming your SM, while holding your own mother above reproach? Pure fantasy. People are flawed; we all make mistakes. I suspect that you are throwing your SM under the bus, b/c it's coming from your loyalty to your mother.

Love your mother, but realize that your SM is NOT a monster. If for no other reason than your father loves his wife, YOU should love your father enough to support him in his choice....just as he likely supported you in your choice of spouse. It's called respect, honey. You should try having some for the people in your life. You might just find your life to be much more peaceful.

And....get over yourself. You are the star of your life....not everyone else's star.

hereiam's picture

Luckily, SD eloped. She knows

Luckily, SD eloped. She knows how my husband feels about BM so she would never ask him to be in a picture with her. I doubt she shows up on film anyway.

StepAside's picture

I never told our photographer

I never told our photographer who to shoot. He and his wife handled everything. I just stood there while they positioned people next to me and smiled. I wound up with a picture of my father and mother together. It is in my photo album. It makes me feel uncomfortable looking at it. They are DIVORCED, and HAD BEEN for a long time before my wedding happened.

The picture is a myth. It's definitely not something I'd put out on public display.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

just tired's picture

The only picture I have

The only picture I have actually taken time to do anything with is one of me and my husband. It was kind of about that...our marriage sacrament celebration...me, him and God.

EXACTLY!!!!!

If you want pictures of your family, take them all along...at every opportunity!!!! Don't make your wedding day about forcing people to have their photo taken. It's not about everyone else! It's about the union between the couple.

And, more importantly, it is NOT about the ceremony. It's about the relationship....the marriage.

StepAside's picture

20 years later and the ONLY

20 years later and the ONLY pic from my wedding that HAS EVER been on display and is still out in our home to this day, is of me and my husband.

All these young women who make such HUGE fusses about who WILL or who WILL NOT be in THEIR picture are clearly missing the BIG PICTURE. It's about the union with THEIR HUSBAND, not the PARTY.

No wonder the divorce rate continues to climb. My SD almost married a man she thought was gay! Was going to have a huge destination wedding that was going to cost everyone a crapload of money just to attend, and was pissed off beyond reproach at the figure (thousands) we were going to pay. It was insufficient. For 2 years prior to the date, she was asking family members to watch her fiance, and use their gaydar on him. Thank God he called it off. At the point where their relationship ended, it was ALL about the wedding (party in her honor). She had zero conviction in their relationship, but 100% conviction in her wedding details.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

just tired's picture

Oh, and Lalena....you said: I

Oh, and Lalena....you said:
I ever marry again I will be up front about having both my bio's in the pic's together, they don't have to stand together or be buddy, buddy but they will deal with it for me their kid or they can stay home.

Yeah, good luck with that. You start threatening people and holding them hostage with YOUR emotional baggage, they WILL and SHOULD stay home.