Well SD is going ot be wiht us full time now 
We went and picked her up last Sunday and she is going back to BM's this Sunday and we we'll go back after our vacation and pick up her and her belongings and move her in. The thing is, she has been great and she's very insightful and smart (who knew she was this way as of her behavior a year ago!). BUT I still won't have a moment alone while she is here. If DH is on his computer and I want to watch tv, I'll have to sit with her and watch it. No more lounging on the couch relaxing because she'll be right there. Yes she'll be in school starting in September, but she'll be gone from about 7AM until 2:30PM. DH is gone until 2PM for work, if not later so the only alone time we'll have is in bed. He totally poo-pooed that when I told him that I hope we'll have alone time. He basically rolled his eyes and said "Well have plenty of time alone". Um when? Then when I protested her coming over like 5 weeks earlier than expected and said I just got my alone time back and now she'll be here. He goes "I would KILL for some alone time". I knew that was coming which is why I can't use it as an argument! Well I don't mean alone time from you because I married you and I want to be with you...I mean alone time from her. I told him that at least he gets to go to work for 10 hours and doesn't have to be with her all day and he sarcastically goes "Oh yeah I'd MUCH rather be at work than with my daughter". Hey, wanna switch then?" Cause I'd love some adult time!
DH even suggested getting her a little LCD tv to put in her room that he could hook the XBox up to for her and she goes "No really I'm fine with not having one in there. If I'm playing XBox and you guys want to watch tv I'll gladly stop and watch tv with you." It like she doesn't WANT to be alone. I'm not big on kids having tv's in their room, but if it means some quiet time for DH and me ALONE then I'm all for it. She doesn't even like to sleep with her door closed. Most kids would love to lock themselves away in their room for hours at a time!
I hope we have date night. I also hope DH realizes that there won't be anymore us going out with friends on the spur of the moment and staying out til all hours and then crashing at their place because we've been drinking. There won't be any more spur of the moment road trips for just us. Everything now revolves around SD. I think he wants to bring her to everything we do with friends because he thinks "they'll get a kick out of her". I think it's more him going "This is my daughter. She likes me best now over BM. I'm going to be a great dad." People don't want you bringing your kid with you all the time.
She hasn't even been here 3 full days yet, and I haven't had a moment alone on the couch without her being right there leaning her head on my shoulder or sometimes she leans her whole body on me. I'm already annoyed with that. She gets bored sitting there while I'm working and comes in to the computer room and says "Will you be taking a break soon? I thought maybe we could go ride bikes." Arrgh! Of course then I feel obligated to do that with her. She gets all happy and goes "Yea!" Then we get back and she goes "Are you going to eat lunch? Will you take a break and have lunch with me while we watch a show?" Okay fine. Once again I get a "Yea" from her. Then after the show is over I told her I had to go back and finish up my work. She got all sad and goes "Oh okay". The kid does not want to be alone! Don't most 14 year olds want to be away from adults?? I wish she would go out and find some friends. Kids go by our house all the time. She and I were standing out in the driveway last night and a bunch of kids were walking down the street coming our way and she immediately turned and walked extremely fast back into the house. Even when I told DH that SD has got to find some friends to keep her occupied rather than asking me to do all this stuff with her and he goes "Well your the only female person she knows here". Well yeah because she doesn't try to meet anyone her own age and basically runs away form them if there's a possibility to talk to them!
Maybe you could sign her up
Maybe you could sign her up for something at the rec center where she could meet people and you can have alone time. Like a play, or a sport.
Send her to the
Send her to the YMCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL FREAKIN DAY
NOT my kid....NOT my problem!!!
Your kid makes me want to overdose on birth control!!!
When we moved countries and
When we moved countries and bought sd21 with us ( big mistake.... HUGE !!) , we were renting and the layout of the house meant sd21 was always walking through, and there was no way to escape her !! I had six weeks of Summer with her, just there with me, there was NO ESCAPE !!!
The days felt like months, lol !! Luckily, by then, ( she was 18 at the time ) she was doing the whole sleep until 2 p.m, ignoring me, I'd sussed her out long before this, so she avoided me !! I wasn't going to play her games or fall for the lies, so really the whole " show" only started when DH came home.
I swear sd21 left the house maybe three times that Summer, under her own steam ( unless DH was ferrying her somewhere) It's crazy when you are the grown up, in your own home and you are the one who wants to LEAVE !!!
DH and I lost the me time too, and I hated that !!! Not even able to watch a movie in peace, sd21 had a TV in her room, but walked through to the kitchen for snacks and drinks ALL the time, we would have to even go into our Bedroom to talk, because she was such a snoop, and don't even get me started about sd21 going through my things !!!
I can see where SD may not
I can see where SD may not want to be alone. She had more than enough "alone time" in her time spent with her dad before. He was always too busy sleeping, or playing video games to spend any quality time with her. That may very well have instilled something in her, where she'll go doubletime on the effort to have quality time with him...just to be sure it doesn't go back to the alone time she was getting him before.
You said it yourself, she's great, insightful, & smart. You have a dream SD. You married a man with a kid. If her well-mannered presence makes you miserable, you might as well bow out of steplife altogether.
ETA: If you can't stand her courtesy & kindness, maybe you can put a TV in your bedroom & that can be your "alone" place.
"Women are angels & when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible like that."
This is what I do when skids
This is what I do when skids are here, I have a nice flat screen tv in my bedroom, when I want to get away from the noise after working all day. I simply go in our bedroom and shut the door, of course my 4 dogs usually follow me. They don't like the noise either! LOL
Skids are SD10 & SS11.
Then at 7:30 every night, it is quiet time (my DH enforces this) the skids are to go to their rooms and read or do homework but they are to be quiet and stay in their rooms until 8:30 when we start showers and bedtime. During that hour, DH and I go into our room and watch tv or "take a shower together"
You can still have alone time with DH, kids thrive on schedules and routines. Put something like this in place and you'll still be able to have a good time.
She puts those kids in clothes, I wouldn't let my dog wear...
Once a year Sd6 spends a week
Once a year Sd6 spends a week with us, I have never spent a week with Bf, I am dreading it, not because I hate Sd, but like you I need my space, I will say though, that at least she likes you, at 14 she could act like the spawn of satan, putting a tv in her room is still a good idea, perhaps you could insist on a few nights where you and Bf spend a few hours alone together. Or you could have a tv in your bedroom and spend time there?
You and DH lived like
You and DH lived like non-parents. Now he's a full-time parent so no, there will be no more crashing at friend's after drinking and not showing up at home and leaving SD alone all night.
There will be many adjustments. At least on school days you will have the house all to yourself to work in peace. Hopefully SD will make some new friends, do everything you can to encourage it. Introduce your friend's kids to her, it's scary to be the new kid and have to go up to people.
Also presumably SD will go EOW for visitation?
Is there any possibility DH can get his shift changed? This is a major life event change for him, it be less money if he goes on days but if he worked graveyards maybe he could be awake in the afternoons when she gets home from school.
Also, see if she can get into some activities, whether at school or elsewhere. Even if you have to drive her for awhile, it's another avenue to meet new people and make new friends.
SD really needs to try and
SD really needs to try and make friends. She is very hesitant to and even turns and goes in the other direction if she even sees kids around her age coming towards her. She constantly is telling us how certain kids at school don't like her and she doesn't know why and how the bus driver always yelled at her and she doesn't know why and how her teachers don't like her and she doesn't know why. I have to take all that with a grain of salt but I also think she comes off as stand offish and she isn't afraid to tell others what she thinks of them.
SD will NOT be going to BM's EOW for visitation and most likely would only go see her on long breaks from school. BM lives 4 hours away so it's not like it's an easy feat to get her there and back in a weekend.
Actually DH's schedule is great. He is home by 2PM and that is when SD will be getting out of school. I wish there was some time when we'd be able to hang out alone before SD got home, but at least he isn't on 2nd shift where he's working 2-10:30PM. That would be hell on me!