For the past five years the girls have called me Ann. This was what BM wanted. She reminded them that she birthed them and was their only mother. Then BM married and insisted the skids call her new hubby Dad. Which in turn made DH feel hurt b/c of BM's standing on the Mom thing.
Well now the girls live with us and at first they would slip up and call me Mom. I told them it didn't matter what they called me. That I understood the slip up. That although I am not their mother, I do everything their BM does and slip ups happen. Well then they would start calling me Mom then revert back to Ann. I really don't care.
This past week however they talked with DH and they chose to call me Momma and call BM Mom. Yesterday was SD11's birthday and we let her talk with BM on the phone (she's normally not allowed to talk to BM on school nights b/c BM always upsets her). SD11 screwed up and called me Momma to BM. BM got pissed. She said that last time they saw her and NH that they called him Scotty instead of Dad and it hurt him, and now she's very hurt that they would call me mom.
The girls also told BM about their new hair cuts (BM is a hairdresser and not a very good one). BM got pissed and chewed out both girls. She was mad that SD11 got her bangs cut and SD12 got her hair cut very very short. She was also pissed that DH let them after she said no. DH laughed at her and said it's only hair. Then SD11 asked (where her mother could hear) if she could dye her hair. BM hung up on them.
I told DH that my mother let me start chosing my own hair styles at the age 10 and even let me dye my hair if I wanted to (as long as it wasn't a weird color). DH agrees and told the girls that to. Our standing on that is, that whatever they chose that they would have to live with the choice, even if people made fun of them. It's only hair, it's not like it's never going to grow out again.
Well...
My SS started out with calling me Tracy...then a year later he was calling me MamaTracy...now he calls me Mom...he calls his BM Mommy...she doesn't like it but she has finally realized that everything she says to my SS hasn't changed him...lol...he is 5 and set in his ways...lol
I wish my stepkids would
I wish my stepkids would call me Mom or an equivalent, but they just use my first name. No one has ever presented it as an option to them, except for me. My H and his ex-wife do not think they should call me anything other than my first name, so the chance of them changing is slim to none.
SS calls me a nickname
I have a nickname that most people call me and that's what SS calls me. Occasionally he calls me by my first name.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
My skids call me by my first name
When we were first moving in together my sd asked me what they (ss and sd)should call me and I said that they should call me whatever they felt comfortable with. Occasionally, ss will call me mom. Either way I don't mind. I think it is more important for them to be comforatble with how they refer to me. I don't know that bm would care either way.
My skids...
call me by my first name. My kids call DH by his first.
In MY situation, I wouldn't think another name would be appropriate. I would also struggle tremendously if my children called another woman any other name than what her own parents gave her. I'm their momma, mom, mommy, madre, or whatever else. It's just my very own outlook on my own situation. I birthed them and have taken care of them since each of their overwhelming, spectacular, painful, life-altering birth days. It's my title and I would not be very accomodating to anyone who would like to share it regardless of how much they took part in the caretaking of my children.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
First name
I am with Colorado on this. I would literally die if my son called any other woman momma. I have the c section scar & the sleep deprivation to prove it!
My skids have a mother & that title is hers. Once in a while they will slip & call me mom because I fill a mom role at our house. I know SS10 feels some guilt when that happens, but we brush it off & move on. He has said I am like a second mom & I know they love me.
The night my DH asked me to
The night my DH asked me to marry him, we came home and his parents had been watching SD. We sat in the living room having sparkling cider to celebrate and SD brought me a little box with a heart-shaped "mom" necklace in it, got down on one knee and proposed, "Will you be my mommy?" She has called me mom ever since and DH refers to me as mom when talking to her about me.
She refers to her BM as mom, too, although she doesn't talk about her much, BM not being around. When she does, DH usually corrects her to say, "Do you mean Mommy (BM's name)?" b/c sometimes it's not clear which of us she's refering to. It makes me feel a little weird, like I'm taking someone else's title. Still BM doesn't seem to want it and I suppose it's really SD's to bestow as she sees fit.
personally, I hate being called by my first name
Call me old fashioned, but when I was a kid we didn't call any adults by their first names. I am the only adult my skids call by a first name. I would love a nickname, or something else. My sd wanted to call me mom a few years back, and I told her whatever she was happy with was fine by me. Bm found out about it and had a hissy fit which I thought was quite stupid. She made sd feel bad and that lasted all of about a day. I also find it funny because bm insists that the kids call all of her friends aunt or uncle. They aren't even called by their first names alone, and I also think it confuses them when they have real uncles and aunts. Oh well...
May the force be with you..
When I was a Kid, among Freinds, We All Called Parents...
When I was a Kid, among Freinds, We All Called Parents, Mom and Dad, Mr/s (Last Name), or whatever the "House Kids" did. I have Freinds that are "Adopted Kin" and We call Each Others Parents Mom and Dad, and say Mom/Dad (Last Name) when mentioning them to Our "Other/Birth Parents", and just say Mom/Dad for Birth/Step Parents.
My (S)Kids call Me Steve, StepDaddy, Daddy, etc. and I Don't mind which, but when They Call Me Daddy, etc. It does Feel Good, because I am the "Dad" by My Definition, I'm Here fixing Their Bikes, making Their Dinner, etc 24/7. Father is a Biological fact, "Dad' is Emotional, as far as I'm concerned. My "Dad" was/is My Stepfather(He died,a few years ago), not My BioFather.
Steve
Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL
I don't call my step-mom "Mom"
I got her a flower pot that said "Mom" on it for Mother's Day several years ago, but I've never called her "Mom." I refer to my Dad and Step-Mom as my "parents" but I still call her by her first name. She's been in my life since I was 12 years old. I think maybe it's easier for younger kids to call their step-parents "Mom" and "Dad" but for older kids that role is already firmly ingrained and the name is already associated with that one person. My step-mom is more of a mother than mine ever was, so it's not like she doesn't deserve the title! She's just not my mom.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
titles
I was not raised by my biological mother - she gave me up when I was born for her career. I have called my adoptive mother mom and that's who 'deserves' the title. She is the best. When I finally met my BM later on she was a horrible person and it hurt at the time but I got over it. I know who my mother is..and it's not and never has been her.
I have said it before and I will say it again: The person that gives birth to you is not always the person who raises or mothers you. That person deserves the 'title'. And what is in a title anyway? Just because you have a name doesn't mean you always live up to the expectations that name brings.
My stepkids call me by a nickname-version of my own name. I have had the nickname since I was a young child and they found out what it was and love it - it's a very endearing name. My stepson calls me Mom sometimes, but I have never asked them to call me that and if they want to call me that, I am fine with it and will not protest.
Their 'mother' if you will, doesn't do that much for them. I quit my job to take care of both my stepchildren, because I care. I do a damn good job with both of them if I do say so myself and I don't need a title to convince myself or anyone else of that.
i think it depends
in my case, i have a ss who is 15 who lives w us. he calls me by my first name and refers to me as stepmom when talking to others. im 27 so i think it would be kinda weird if he called me mom, given his age! my sd, who we get eow, is almost 3 and she calls me a shorten version of my name and sometimes puts "my" before it. once in awhile she will slip and call me mom and i have been told by other moms that kids tend to do that w people they feel comfortable w. but i can see where some women would get upset at their kids calling another woman mom...i think it depends on their relationship w BM and SM, and who they live w or see most, and what they feel comfortable w. i think whatever is decided should never be forced.
Mom-Step-Mom-Mother
Really I agree with most posts but at the same time depending on the age my SD is now 5 I have been in her life and the only mother figure for almost 2 yrs. now at first she called me by my first name then it was mommy Nikki then Nikki was dropped and now it's mom,she talks to her BM twice a week (phone only no visitaion)and her BM argue's with her everytime she refers to me as mom but I have tried to tell BM that is her choice and yea she went as far as telling the judge to have me and H correct her so judge told all of us that she has one mother and one father thats it BUT at her age she will call me that and needs to be corrected WELL five months later she still calls me mom and tells her BM that I take care of her (at 5 yrs. old) and I'm her mommy...
doesnt matter to me
my skids call me by my first name. Which is fine by me. Although Sd8 asked what she should call me when bf and i get married in august. I told her that she can call me what ever she wants. But that she does have a mom allready and that i would be step mom. BM would be flaming mad if she heard Sd refer to me as mom. And BM is a pain in my butt enough without any extra. But i feel alltimately that its up too the child.
by my first name
sd 11 calls her dad by his nickname...she doesn't even call him dad. the chance of her calling me some mom-nickname is far far far far..i might as well wish to win the lottery. oh,and i'm not stepmom, i'm her dad's wife.
MY birth kids -mom - my
MY birth kids -mom - my kid's friends - mom
my adopted (former step) son - christy - but if he is referring to me to someone else he says my mom.
my stepdaughters - 7 yo ms. Christy and my 3 yo SD - mommy - and krispy. It used to be just mom but she called everyone that. I know as she gets older she will stop it all together - i refer to myself as my nickname to her and she knows who i am. this last visit (they live out of state) she said mommy - you aren't my mother.
I love "krispy"
That's cute. My SDs call me by my first name, which is fine. Behind my back, they call me horrible names, so my first name, or "step-mom" or "dad's wife" -- hell, I consider that sweet in my situation!
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