The potential for being accused of abuse is too high. Don't discuss/argue it with anyone else just don't do it. The gain is too little.

Also recent studies have clearly shown that spanked kids are more like to use violence as a solution - especially boys so there is another reason.

Bio-Mom has made a reasonable request and is reciprocating so let them argue if they must. You simply stay out of it.

By the way I was spanked once - repeat once - in my life time which is proof in and of itself that spanking isn't necessary. I spanked a step-son almost daily because he was out of control. The problem was he was literally out of control as we found out eventually. He could not control his impulses as a part of being hyper active.

I would most certainly spank my SKids if my SO gave me approval to do so. He is pathetically anti-spanking though so...yeah. He has approved of me doing any/all punishments that he is dishing out but not spankings.

In the state of Texas, a parent can give permission to any other *responsible* adult to administer corporal punishment & by law, there is nothing that BM can do about it.

My Skids BM (Nasty) got mad at me for having SS write sentences. Nothing I do or do not do would make her happy but then...I don't care.

Good points above, and I'm shocked that you would refer to a 1 yr 2 month old as a "bad little boy." His behaviors are normal for his age. Even if the behaviors are bad, the child is not bad. Don't ever call him a bad boy. Holy cow, that's worse then spanking him!

And no, I would never spank a skid. His father should be handling the discipline in agreement with the bm. Anyway, at his age, a child should be told no firmly, and then redirected to something he CAN do.

I never touch my SD, never. I don't even like to hug the kid! I will not run the risk of her or BM claiming abuse and me losing my kids for a single night. SD claimed that BM's BF kicked her in the head when she was 5, so I know she is capable of those huge lies. It is no worth it. But I will send SD away to her room to wait for DH to deal the punishments out. And I will chew her ass, but never touch. My kids though - game on.

BM said no regardless of it being your home your rules it is HER and your DH'S child so hands off. There are lots of other ways to punish a child.
I always start with time out both with my own and with my SO's kids. I have no problem spanking my own if it's necessary, SO's I am not so swift to and usually let him handle spankings, mind you I have permission from BM and SO if BM revokes that I won't spank them, but that won't mean I can't punish them. (I can make life very miserable without raising a hand and it's why spankings are very rare around here)
Now little kids (under 4) don't really get why their getting spanked so a time out or removing them from the problem or redirecting them to something else will work better and usually does more than a spanking will. Almost sounds like a typical little kid wanting attention and lacking the verbal skills to get across what he wants punishment won't help that teaching will.

omg...how can someone even think of spanking their stepkid? it is not ur kid...u have no right to touch that kid. take care of ur own! ive never even scolded my SD. shes not mine. i feed, cloth, give her everything she needs...NEEDS not WANTS, but that is it....i would never have given her mother that leverage over me....she can never say i mistreated her daughter@!!!! NEVER!

i spank my kids...but that is what it is...MY KIDS! not someone else's...thats just nonsense.

Never. EVER. Lay your hands on someone elses child. I don't think kids should EVER be spanked, but if my kids had a SM and I found out she'd abused them ? (yes, I said abused...just MHO), I'd have her arrested and prosecuted.

Keep your hands to yourself. If your husband wants to hit his baby (and this IS a baby) then the shame belongs solely with him.

Seriously, are neither of you aware that what you're describing is NORMAL for a 14 month old BABY? Hitting him is wrong. He lacks the cognitive reasoning to even know WHY you're hitting him.

I need to go lie down before I blow a gasket.

I don't believe stepparents should spank. The potiential for abuse charges and injuries is too high. The most dangerous place for a child is with a live in boyfriend - next most dangerous is with a stepfather. Those are tragic truths.

But, I am really shocked at spanking a 14 month old child!! Is this a real post or some troll trying to get us "wicked stepparents" to say outrageous things? Is this post for real?

"So alittle background on us, I've been in SS life since before he was born, he is 1 year 2 months old now. IMO he is a bad little boy, compared to other kids his age. So he is being introduce to some tough love at an early age due to his outrageous behavior that DH don't want to get out of hand."

No this is not a troll, it is real. I'm really shocked at how people on here are shocked about spanking a 14 month old. My best friend has 2 girls, a 4 year old & a 2 year old. When I came over her house with SS she was surprised at how much patience I had for SS & noticed that he was spoiled. She adviced me to crack down on SS before he runs all over me & she said that if it were her she would've started spanking a long time ago. By the way her 4 year old is so well behaved, she never talks back to her mom, only has to be told once what to do or not do, cleans her room every night & makes her own bed in the morning before she goes to pre-school. My friend said that she was very strict with her first daughter & she kind of felt bad so she decided to be less strict on her second daughter, but now she regrets it!!!! She says that her 2 year old can be a little devil at times & wishes she was as strict as she was with her first one.

Also grandma on BM side spanks him, & DH side of the family also spank & smack SS hand every now & then. It's just odd to me how people on here think its almost child abuse yet it is the norm in our lives. I know for sure DH was spanked as he was growing up & he is a very good man, respects both of his parents, respects authority in general. Me I was never spanked instead I was SPOILED & till this day I'm angry at my parents for it. I'm in general a good decent normal women, BUT I don't respect authority, & I was some what of a disfunctional teen growing up. Back talked all my teachers, back talked my mom & dad & left their home as soon as I turned 18 only to get slapped in the face with the REAL WORLD. Something my parents did not prepare me for!!! When I confront my parents about it their response is "well we gave you everything, we don't understand why you have so many issues as a young adult" well that's why!!! Because everything was handed to me, I don't know what it's like to work for anything & still struggle with "why is life so hard"!!!!!!!!

I don't know where you get your parenting info from, but spanking a 14 month old isn't doing anything besides making him fear you.

I have a 15 month old, and I've never spanked her nor ever considered any of her actions to be spank worthy or consider her a bad kid. I wouldn't even consider my 4 and 6 year old skids to be bad kids...obnoxious, annoying, sometimes really mean, but not bad.

Let me say this before I start, I never get pissy with anyone on this site but this one has me steamed up. The child is 14 months old. You really shouldn't even be disciplining children (spankings, timeouts, etc) until they hit 18 months old. That is when they are more mentally capable of understanding punishment. So as I already said, your skid isn't learning anything besides fear.

"For example: SS was pressing buttons on the flat screen in the living room, DH yells out a firm "NO". SS stop
for about 5 sec. & does it again, so DH walks over & removes him from the tv & says no again & takes him to where all his toys are in a basket by the sofa. SS gets up walk over to the coffe table screams & knocks over DH soda!!!! DH walks over yells "NO" gives him 1 hand at the diaper & sits him in his play pin for about 10 min or until he stops crying.
SS has also developed throwing things when he is angry, slapping food out of your hand in the middle of feedingd if he gets angry, & throwing terrible temper tantrums.
Spanking has started to improve some of his behaviors. Now DH just has to stand up from his seat or walk over to SS & he immediatly stops & walks away cause he now understands that if he doesn't he will either get his hand smacked or a hand to the diaper."

Now let me add, you are bat shit crazy if you don't think ALL kids go through a period of pushing buttons on the TV, throwing obnoxious temper tantrums, and throwing things.

ALL FOUR OF OUR KIDS HAVE DONE ALL OF THESE THINGS! The child is growing, therefore more curious, more vocal, more capable of doing things that you don't want him to do. He is testing his boundaries and as it seems, you guys don't want him to do anything outside of sitting there and being perfect. It doesn't work like that. He'll find a marker one day and color on the walls, he'll pull the cat's tail to see what the cat does, he's scream at you just to get a reaction. It doesn't make him bad, and what you've mentioned as being "bad" sure as hell doesn't warrent a spanking whether there's a diaper and if it's just once. He isn't learning a damn thing from it whether you ignorantly believe he is or not.

I'm all for spanking kids when it's neccessary. This isn't. You all need to take some parenting classes to learn how to deal with a child at this stage in his life. You haven't seen anything yet if you think this is bad and I'd hate to see what kind of punishments he receives when it does.

My suggestion is put things out of his reach that you don't want him to touch and distract, distract, distract. Sternly telling him no (even if it takes 100 times) to not touch the TV buttons will do a lot more good than spanking him.

I would never spank my son who just turned 1. Babies that young don’t understand what is going on and all it teaches them is to fear you and do what you say based on physical pain.

It sends the message that it’s okay for people that they trust to hurt them and puts them at further risk to be abused.

I understand smacking the hand of a toddler who tries to touch something on a hot stove, since you need to get the point across before they hurt themselves but I wouldn’t recommend anyone with parents who aren’t together to spank since it’s too big of a risk to be used against them.

DH threatened to spank SS (nearly 12) after he almost badly hurt our 3 year old daughter. Nothing else was getting through to him and DH was pissed off that SS didn’t care what happened.

DH didn’t even hit him and just wanted to scare him, but SS went crazy, wedged himself under the bed and wet himself.

I can’t imagine how SS spun what happened to his BM. If you saw how he reacted, you’d think his dad savagely beat him and was some horribly abusive guy. Nothing could be further from the truth but you don’t know how stepkids are going to react or what they’ll claim.

My worst fear was SS claiming he was abuse and social services taking our kids away. If one kid in the household claims to be abused, they take all the kids. Spanking isn’t worth losing your kids over.

Your DH abuses his child. Just because you know some other abusive parents it does not make it OK. Perhaps SS will stop doing what he is doing out of fear. And then eventually bottled up fear will manifest itself in violence. You guys are raising one messed up individual. If I knew who you are I would call child protective services.

Of course, she is. She sees you as a better mother. And all of BMs out there feel threatened by stepmothers who can do a better job.
@Kaybitesback...a child no matter their age should know what they are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do. They need to know that pushing the TV buttons is not a game. You can tell them that doing sth. they are not supposed to do might be dangerous. Like playing around devices like TVs, plugs etc. Of course, the mother in question could move the TV set somewhere else in the house.
The point that I am trying to make is that kids need to know what their limits are when they are still little.
Spanking kids that young...i don't know if it helps, but a little pop when their hands did not hurt anyone.