Ladies and gents, I ask you...where does all YOUR hard-earned money go that you are forced to pay BM? I'd like to hear some of the responses...BM asked BF if she could borrow some money since his payment hasn't cleared into her account yet. She's on her way to spend the weekend in another city and go to concerts while she's there. BF asked her where all his money is going that she's paying her in CS. He said it's funny that since she's been unemployed this is the second concert she's gone to and she's planning a cruise for this fall. Is SS getting any of this money or is it all going to pay for her leisure trips, concerts and cruises? He said the only reason she's asking for a raise in CS is because she needs extra money to spend buying shirts and souvenirs.
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wait a second
b4 we go any further here, PLEASE tell me DH told her to go screw herself on the borrowing money???
Yes.. I hope that he told
Yes.. I hope that he told her NO WAY, get a job for your extracirculuar activities
My skids bm spends my dh's hard earned money on her entire family.. she shops for their clothes at the salvation army (cant tell you how many times the skids are so proud of their finds at the SA), and then for food. She is for the most part unemployed. OH.. she also buys material for her sewing projects.. and ummm.. IKEA is her favorite stomping ground.
Skids are never signed up for sports or clubs.. and she doesnt take them ANYWHERE.. no camp, no vacations, no beach in the summer when its warm (she takes them in the spring when its free and 60 degrees out, 40 in the water), no park, no movies.. should I keep going???
She is supporting a fam. of 5 on the CS. I think her dh's paycheck goes to pay for all his student loans (which are probably close to $100k)
My DH's CS goes to...
...paying her rent. Both his kids work (one dropped out of HS and is emancipated, the other has an after-school job). I just wonder what she's going to do when the CS stops next year...she does not work and is trying to get on disability but has already been denied once. I told my DH that things are liable to get interesting this time next year.
the thing that gets me
is not that the NCPs have to pay cs, but how much they have to pay. in MO, for combined income of $70k the support obligation is like $800 for one kid!!!! not including daycare! thats what gets me...that is so high...of course all that money isnt going to care for a 3 yr old...UGH...GRRRRRR
I understand completely
My BF owns a company which is a corporation so his income is completely seperate from the company's money. He pays himself a set wage every month. His CS payment to BM is one third of that amount now, and they just approved a raise in the payment because BM is unemployed. She doesn't understand that just because his company makes money doesn't mean he gets to spend it on himself. She wants more money because his company is successful...but it's a corporation and it doesn't work that way. She just doesn't see it like that. She thinks that because the company makes more money, then she should get more money. Soon she will be auditing his company to prove that he makes more than he "claims" but what she doesn't understand is that the money in the company is not his and therefore not hers to lay claim to...
She says that what he pays is not enough to raise a child on, as if he's supposed to pay her all the money she needs. But at the same time, the kid has no medical expenses and participates in no extracurricular activities. He rides the bus to school. What does she need all this money for? It's not for SS...
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
HUMPPHH!
Another fine example of the non-custodial father getting reamed because mommy dearest doesn't have a job. That's not his problem. She's an adult and is responsible, at the very least, for supporting herself.
I don't understand why they
I don't understand why they would raise your husband's cs amount because his ex doesn't have a job? In my state, you're held accountable for an income. I was only working part-time when my husband left, and I was held accountable to full-time.
I think they should have to
I think they should have to provide reciepts. I do.. I really do. I think they should provide reciepts showing how they spent the money.. and whatever wasnt spent ON THEM should be put into an account for their college savings down the road.
Its absolutely RIDICULOUS how they spend and spend and you KNOW its not going solely toward them.. because I too wouldnt have a problem w/it if I knew it was for the benefit of the child and not really the benefit of the bm.
I don't care.
On this DH and I have always agreed. As long as the kids are being taken care of, we don't really care how she spends it. The state guidelines calculated how much DH and BM each have to pay. It was calculated fairly and we have to pay it, regardless, so we don't waste brain power on it. In our case, BM has sole legal and physical custody, so it's her call how she uses that money. She's the sole decision-maker. As long as the kids are well taken care of, and my skids really are, we don't quibble. I have never had any doubt that our BM uses that money on the kids. I've seen the lables in their clothes.
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
agreed
ESPECIALLY when the NCPs new kids have to suffer or have less bc of astronomical CS payments...ESPECIALLY when the CPs are deadbeats who just dont get good jobs to collect bigger paychecks...ESPECIALLY when NCPs were tricked or misled into having the kid...UGH...dont get me started!!!!!!!! sorry!
I think for those of us that
I think for those of us that see the skids go without.. and have lazy, mean bm's its a sore subject.
I WISH the bm took better care of my skids... I wish she would take them to the park, or swimming in the summer, or shopping for clothes that a complete stranger didnt own prior once in a while.. The fact is.. my skids bm uses the money as if it was for her and her alone. That the skids are lucky to get any benefit from that.
She has even taken $$ from the skids. they got bday and xmas money $90 ea. from their family members on the bm's and her dh's side.. BM deposited the money into the "family" checking account for household purposes.. they didnt get to buy squat w/that $$ nor did she open a bank account for them in their names. She told them they needed to participate in the family finances.. I almost called and told her they DO participate in the family finances.. to the tune of $850/mth.. that SHE doesnt participate in the families finances
how true
when i see FSD running around in ugly old clothes w stains on them that are too small but BM runs around wearing $70 vickis sweatpants that even i cant afford and sucking her cancer sticks AND THEN she calls to ask for CS early so she can buy groceries...the teeth come out
Oh.. and it was RIGHT after
Oh.. and it was RIGHT after their personal money disappeared that we opened up savings accounts for them up here and had them deposit all the money in their piggy banks as we were afraid they would bring it home to "help out"..
They had 100 each from those piggy banks.. and the most they can keep in the house is $10.. the rest gets deposited right away.. and we show them their bank books as proof.
My SS's BM does the same thing
Every birthday or Christmas, SS gets about $100 total from family members. BM takes it from him every single time. SS also had $1500 in a savings account that was set up for him in the divorce, which is also gone. Every time we get him after Christmas or a birthday party he tells us that his money is gone because BM took it and it just breaks our hearts. I wish we could ask people to give him gifts instead of money so that she couldn't take it.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
u could always
open up a custodial account for the kids and have yr side of the family make donations there, or stock gifts are great...oneshare.com is a cool site to gift a share of disney, pixar, etc and registered in kids name w someone (whomever) as custodian...
I can't believe she actually
I can't believe she actually asked him to borrow money.
Can't imagine asking my ex for money outside of the CS-
that's just weird.
im not
im not shocked these BBs do anything. theyre entitled to the world, u know
It's all the extras
on top of the CS that kill me.She does not spend 750.00 per month on the kids... maybe on gas to go visit her BF. These fays we feed them & run them around more than she does.
I am supposed to recieve
I am supposed to recieve child support in the amount of 499.00 per month for my son. My ex doesn't pay... at all. We have court again in two weeks.
This is what I spend my money on (can't spend his b/c he doesn't pay)
150.00 Groceries Just a guesstimate per month... just for son
157.00 Insurance
123.00 Dental/Orthodontics
45.00 School lunch
25.00 Guitar lessons (only paid activity)
60.00 School expenses (this month... field trip)
240.00 Housing (this is "his" portion of the mortgage)
75.00 Vehicle & insurance (son's portion)
35.00 Fuel only to & froms school/church/guitar
20.00 lights
That leaves approximately 60.00 a month for misc. items that come up, clothing, medical co pays, shoes, equipment, furniture, repairs, etc etc etc...
Some of these amounts will vary month to month. Granted 240.00 looks like alot for housing per month... I came upon this amount by dividing the mortgage by the number of people living there... not by bedrooms of which he has his own.
I did not factor: home owner's insurance, "services" like laundry, food preperation, Cleaning, cleaning products, personal hygene products, Direct TV (of which son has in his room), internet, church supplies and activities, driving, time or all the other things that a momma does. Granted not all CPs spend Child support wisely or budget their money well. It is a shame they give all of us a bad rap. Please remember, my ex is 9900+ in arears... I do not interfere with my son's relationship with his father.
From the outside looking it, it may look like we are splurging on ourselves (DH & I) and we do... we include all the kids... We're going to a 70.00 a ticket sporting event in July and the family vaction in August... but we both work... hard and with more than one job apeice, we budget what we make and save where we can. We do without things like new cars and fancy clothes.... lol I went three years w/o new tennis shoes.... I wear tennis shoes everyday to work. I would gladly show ex reciepts, he just doesn't pay.... I never ask him for an advance, I never count on any money from him.
I tried to detail this out myself
BM does not pay any CS and hasn't for the four years we have had SD, now 15. But with the prospect of SD coming to live with her, she immediately filed for CS (and SD still lives with us). I have a hard time paying her when she didn't pay us, and it's not likely we will be able to get back CS for those four years, according to our attorney. Plus BM doesn't work (her choice) and doesn't help pay for SD's expenses. We pay for all school lunches, activities, etc.
Here's my list:
100 groceries
40 insurance
40 medical care (physical therapy, dentist, glasses)
45 school lunch
25 volleyball
250 mortgage
150 utilities (electricity, gas, Internet access, water)
60 gas for transportation (to exchange w/BM)
25 toiletries
35 clothes
So 770, divided by two means BM should be paying 385 per month. For the past four years, that means she owes us 18,500. So who can explain why we can't get back CS, especially since we will be expected to pay CS from this point forward?
Here is my problem with your
Here is my problem with your calculations:
You are responsible to feed and house yourself. Therefore, anything you will still need to pay for if the child moved out is an expense that is not a direct result of caring for the child.
The mortgage portion should only be the difference between the rent of a home with the extra bedroom you need. So if a one bedroom home is $750 a month and a two bedroom home is $850 a month the rent portion for the child would be $100...
So your list should look more like this:
150.00 Groceries Just a guesstimate per month... just for son
157.00 Insurance (not sure about this, what kind of insurance, and is this the premium for your child only)?
123.00 Dental/Orthodontics
45.00 School lunch
25.00 Guitar lessons (only paid activity)
60.00 School expenses (this month... field trip)
100.00 Housing (this is "his" portion of the mortgage)
0.00 Vehicle & insurance (son's portion)
35.00 Fuel only to & froms school/church/guitar
20.00 lights
=$562/2= $281
Subtract any monies you get from the goverment for the child and what you get from your tax return by using your child as a dependant and you are looking at probably more like $250...
I agree with you in theory
In our case, BM left SD with us and moved out of town. We had a small house with three small bedrooms, and we had a fourth child on the way. So, we had to move to a bigger house to accommodate all of us, which we would not have had to do if SD had not been there. So how much of the increase mortgage payment, utilities, etc. fall to supporting her? We doubled our mortgage payment with the move, but I only attributed to her 1/5 of the total cost. In actuality, she cost us much more.
How is it that a four
How is it that a four bedroom house costs DOUBLE the amount of a three bedroom house? Is it the same caliber of house?
The poster said that the
The poster said that the mortgage doubled, not the price of the home. Four bedrooms are hard to find. I take that back.... you can find them in the high end developments. I know this because DH and I did alot of research looking at houses and examining our options. DH's mortgage on the home he had previously (3 bedroom) in a different city (more populous and higher demand for housing but easier to sell) and about 400sq feet smaller... his mortgage was right at 900.00.... our mortgage is right around 1300.00. So technically the "extra" bedroom cost usw 500.00 a month. I do not begrudge a dime I spend on any one of the kids.... I do, however, feel the children are enititled to every dime they are (supposed) to get from their other parent.
Yes, but your ex should only
Yes, but your ex should only be responsible to pay the difference between a one bedroom and a two bedroom home. Why? It is not his fault you married a guy with two kids. If they weren't in the picture then you would only need a two bedroom home.
I understand where you're
I understand where you're coming from as far as housing goes. DH & I recently built a house, on land I owned. We looked at all kinds of homes... Since we are the primary residence for his two and myself, we needed a four bedroom home. We looked at buying a previously built house, but our main concern was that we wanted to stay in our school district. The kids were established and the schools from elementry through high school are execllent. We went with a modular home to save money. There aren't that many modulars that accomidate four bedrooms unless there are three normal sizedbedrooms and one tiny bedroom. we worked hard to give each child the same... the boys' rooms are exactly the same and little girl's is 2 inches smaller but with a bigger closet. If there were any less children we would have had many more options that were more economical. As it stands, this is the only way we could accomplish our goals. I just did a search (apartments.com) and in our area there are no four bedroom apartments avialable... so I compared one and two bedrooms... the difference in price was 214.00 - 231.00. One bed room = $659 - $750 / two bedroom $890 - $965 If you'd rather use that number, fine... but you must also factor in that that is for an apartment... this is for a home, two acres. A home place that will be divided among the kids if/when DH and I pass.
The insurance is health insurance and is Son's only. BCBC of NC. I get mine free from my employer. I could add son to that policy, but it would be more than if he has his own ploicy.
I notice the amount for vehicle/insurance was removed also... This vehicle is earmarked for son in a little over a year. Son's father totaled Son's the car we has aquired duing the marriage for son. Leave that amount out.... it still is a documented 422.00 we each are putting forth. (using the 215.00 differences b/w one and two bedrooms) since I have sole (legal and physical) custody, I cover many things that are not monthly.... for example last night there was a town celbration.... bands, arts & crafts, food, music and fun. While this event is free, there are vendors there. Son just got food last night... I do not have a reciept for that, I am just using it as an example of the type of things that just come up along with some I posted on the origional comment.
Since I am to use the tax credit I recieve for son toward the child support factor, should I also post the summer vacation & camp that our tax returns are funding? Just to show that these are actually vacations for the children... we are staying at the Great Wolf Lodge... it is an indoor/outdoor water park geared toward kids.... Son's portion about 150.00 before food. DH and I will be going to Myrtle Beach by ourselves... that is an adult vacation. And camp is 240.00 for each child.
Please note that my ex does not pay the support ordered for son. I work two jobs, DH works two jobs... we make ends meet without support. I do not think that should negate ex's responsibility to his son.
I do believe that support should reflect shared custody if that is the case.
Your ex is not responsible
Your ex is not responsible to house anyone but his own son. It is not his problem that you married a man with two kids. I still maintain that his responsiblity should be only for half the increase in price for the one extra bedroom. If it was just you and your son you could live in a two bedroom home. You cannot expect him to pay more because of the situation you got into with your husband's kids.
As far as the car? He is not responsible to pay for your car. You need a car, regardless. If your son were to move in with his father would you sell it? I doubt it.
As far as entertainment $ (such as vendor food)? This should not be a "requirement". If you want to buy stuff like that for your son, great. But your ex should not be "expected" to contribute to things like that. Luxury items are not mandatory. Same thing goes for summer camp.
I totally disagree
Come on it costs me nearly 1300.00 per month for a house payment for a tiny house. Before I got married and took on the 3 children and DH I had my own little tiny affordable house in not such a good neighborhood. I had to sell my home and move 2 hours to another city to make sure SKIDS were still going to a decent school. Believe me my expenses tripled. I was traveling with my last job so my company picked up all of my food, gas, car, and traveling expenses. My utilites were nearly nothing at my house because I lived in a hotel 5 days out of the week. Yes it is costing me much more having 3 kids. Nearly triple the amount of utilities and because I had to purchase a new home and my old home was half of the amount of my new mortgage payment. DH wasn't getting a dime of CS.
DH and I alone could have lived in the old house with the cheap mortgage payment. It is a matter of perception here and I agree with the state on how they calculate CS. It is not only $100.00 a month to house 3 children!!! Food alone for just the kids run about $400.00 per month! A true estimate of what everyone costs for example my home would be all the utilites, mortgage, insurance, etc divided by the total amount of expense x 3 (number of children) then tack on what the kids clothes, daycare (700.00 per month). Trust me that is well over the lousy $400.00 per month BM was paying for all three kids combined. Clothes alone run a small fortune. I don't see how you can low ball the cost of a taking care of a child. Lets not even talk about the extras that are not included in CS payments.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
The thing that I don't
The thing that I don't understand is that our household has all of these expenses also and then some.
SS has no extracurricular activities and rides the bus to school. So she has no gasoline expense except to and from medical appointments for him, of which he goes to about once every month, which would make it about $30, and that's being very generous.
He has state funded insurance, so there's no premiums there to pay.
She owns her own home, so there's no mortgage payment. I could imagine her gas and utilities are probably the same as ours which would make it around $200.
She has a vehicle with insurance, but I don't understand why we should have to pay for that. She would still have a vehicle if she didn't have SS, and we have two vehicles with insurance.
So according to this calculation...
BM's expenses for SS:
150.00 Groceries
0 Insurance
0 Dental/Orthodontics
8.00 School lunch
0 Extracurricular activities
20 School expenses
0 Housing (this is "his" portion of the mortgage)
150 Vehicle & insurance (son's portion)
30 gas to/from doctor's appointments
100 utilities
Total: 458
Our expenses:
75 Groceries
160 Housing (this is "his" portion of the mortgage)
90 Vehicles & insurance (son's portion)
60 Fuel only to pick up and drop off SS
100 Utilities
Total: 485
So why is it that we have to pay her half of her expenses for raising a child when we pay just as much or more for the same kid on our own? Even on unemployment BM still makes more than BF a month. Basically we're end up paying 1.5x what it costs to raise SS so that she only has to pay half. How is that fair? And we have a two bedroom home, of which SS has his own room...but what happens when we have children - the first of which is due in October? Eventually we'll have to upgrade our home which means our expenses will go up even more.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
My dh's ex once detailed out
My dh's ex once detailed out 1 month to my dh.. he questioned this a year before I came on the scene (and partly bc she was complaining about CS not being enough) one of the items was a Mack the Knife cd for a 4 yr old... YEP!! because he liked 1 song.
As for the mortgage/rent, she tried to claim 1/2 the mortgage was the skids. I think she would have needed a place had they not existed, so what was the difference btw a 1 bedroom and a 2 bedroom (as it was a 2 bedroom at the time) and that is what she should have been claiming in rent.
I do get the other services provided that you listed above.. unfortunately, my skids bm BARELY does any of those things. She truly is a lazy person, and extremely self centered. She gets haircuts, but doesnt get cuts for the skids.. or she does it herself occassionally and royally screws up their hair.. she washes clothes, but doesnt take the time to make sure she is treating stains, since she could careless.
I could go on.
Bm's like her DO give bm's a bad name. If it werent for the CS that my dh pays religously, that family would NOT have enough to survive, and I mean the WHOLE family.
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