Totallyfedup84's picture

Dont want FIL at hospital when my son is born!! bad idea?

Ok I`ll try and make this as brief as possible, my soon to be father in law, is a pig, hes rude,disgusting, talks about womens down there parts in a very vulgar manner around women! hes never happy with my FDH and has never as long as I have known him said hes proud of my Dh or congratulated him ever, hes a very negative person who I have tried to get close to and it has not worked. DH thinks hes a low life as well but as his son has feelings for his dead beat father..so heres the deal..few months ago dh told his dad that we have gotten engaged, and that we were also expecting a baby! now most ppls reactions to that kind of "wow" news would be a good one filled with congratulations! but no...his dad said nothing but jokes about it and about the baby being "planned " or not, im assuming it was something gross as his father is a pig trucker...he did not say congratulations, or anything positive all he did was crack stupid jokes about the news.. so I was naturally like WTF? and so was DH so a week later he called his father and asked why he was the way he was and why he didint feel the need to congratulate him on our engagement and expecting a child! his response was defensive, he said he had company over and it was non of their business to over hear what the good news was... well Im sorry but last I knew news like that was a good thing, most parents would want to share with other people!!! so he ended up saying congratulations..a week later..when Dh confronted him about it.. Grrr his dad pisses me off so fucking much! so no idea why his dad is such a dick, but Im expecting my and DHs son in 3 months, and I mentioned the other day to my Dh that I dont want his dad there for many reasons at the hospital, because hes a negative person, he had no good things to say about our good news of expecting a child and getting engaged..and Dh was iffy about that, he said "Well... I dunno , I want him there I think.." Im sure he just doesint want to start shit with his dad or something which I can understand but what I need some wise advice on, is it reasonable that I am feeling this way? that I dont want his deadbeat negative father there? I mean I am going to be the one giving birth after all and that is stressful in itself im sure! i dont want the added stress of my negative asshole bringing me down before or after the birth..I want to enjoy my son with my DH and have an awesome experience! am I wrong in feeling this way? and how would I go about telling his dad that we feel he is not welcome at the hospital that day? I thought about just e mailing him and explaining exactly why he is not welcome so that he may not wonder why ,, im sure knowing him he will talk a bunch of shit behind my back about me, when I first met Dh his dad called me a snob behind my back because I was shy and wouldnt get out of Dhs truck to talk with them, I was on my lunch break eating lunch! and yes I am shy! see what I mean? hes just a foul mouthed , low life, hooker buying, disrespectful , old, ugly son of a bitch! Smiling


Totallyfedup84's picture

That sounds like a good

That sounds like a good compromise! Problem is I doubt very much that seeing our son is important to him.. After all he had nothing good to say about it whatsoever .. Also we had to have lunch with him few weeks later ( I did no want to go but dh made me) and his father said nothing to me the whole time, not a word, also never said congratulations on baby or me and dhs engagement , not an apology either not that I was expecting it! No hug goodbye, not that I wanted to touch that slimy asshole, just saying what happened and what didint happen...so I don't feel the need to have him there, but I don't want dh resenting me in the future for my desicion if he decides to go along with it. Tis a tough one! I know this blog has nothing to do with skids or BMs but was hopin for some wise advice as you guys have given me All your great opinions on things Smiling and it helps to have other pps opinions and views on the matter at hand with no judgement

emotionaly beat up's picture

So just do what most people

So just do what most people do. When you go into labour, go to the hospital, say nothing to him, when the baby is born and you have had some time for you and your husband to bond and get to know your new baby, then make the phone calls and let people know the baby has arrived. Gosh not so many years ago even the father's weren't allowed in the delivery room, now it seems like it is a public arena and everymand and his dog wants in. It is a private moment for you and your husband, and anyone YOU choose, not your husband, he is not giving birth.

Totallyfedup84's picture

Oh..my..god!!!!! Good for you

Oh..my..god!!!!! Good for you for beating the living shit out of her!!! Wow what a fucking idiot!! Wait that's not harsh enough of a name for her! Evil twisted cum drinking bitch!!!!! Pardon the graphicness! But if anyone said they wanted my son dead I would probably kill them or least come damn close!!! You poor woman! Was that your dhs grandma or mother? That's no way to be to anyone who has had your grandchild or great grandchild! Glad u fucked her up!! Cudos to you girl! Yaa I don't know if my dhs dad is that fucked in the head but pretty damn close I imagine , I'm sure he hates me as well, I'm the one who made dh call him up and tell him it's in appropriate to talk about women's "cunts and pussys" Infront of ladies!!! Especially his own mother! My god , this man is just foul mouthed , so I'm sure he knows I won't tolerate it anymore and dh won't either he hates his fathers dirty mouth just as much as I do my dh is not like his father at all thank god, quite the opposite! It surprises me how he is so different! Your lucky u dont have to have anything to do with her anymore! Maybe that's what I need to do is get a restraining order gainst him?? Ha!

Echo's picture

I'll just throw this out

I'll just throw this out there and I am SO not defending this slime ball. If he's 'old school' he may NOT feel that getting pregnant before you're married is something to be happy about or brag to people about. I know a LOT of people who feel that way. Right or wrong...if that's how he feels, it's how he feels. You simply cannot force someone to feel the way you want them to feel. All you can do is control how you react to them.

As far as having him at the hospital, something tells me that he's not going to give a rats ass about being there anyway, so you're worrying over nothing. Go to the hospital WITHOUT broadcasting it to the world (I have never understood why people do that, anyway. Have the baby, THEN call people) Call people after the baby is born. If your boyfriends father even bothers coming up to the hospital, your boyfriend can walk him down to see the baby at the nursery. He doesn't have to come anywhere near you.

Your boyfriend is just as entitled to have his parent/s there for the birth of his child as you are to have YOUR family there. But that doesn't mean that you have to endure him. I know I wouldn't want to. I really do believe, though, that you're worrying over nothing. I doubt he'll care enough to show up at the hospital.

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

stepmisery's picture

I am going to agree, at least

I am going to agree, at least somewhat, with Echo.

Your FIL may not be happy about a baby and engagement announcement all at the same time. If he ever felt "trapped" into marrying someone he got pregnant, he may feel that his son is being trapped. FIL may feel that regardless of whatever happened to himself. Not everyone necessarily wants to broadcast to the world about an out-of-wedlock pregnancy.

I also agree that I doubt very much FIL would want to come to the hospital. He is free to wait in the visitor area but when you are giving birth this is one time in life it is all completely about you, what you want and what you are comfortable with. If you don't want to see him, there is absolutely no reason that you should.

Enjoy your happiness and limit your contact with FIL. I would often find myself embarrassed to be around him, the way he talks.

Echo's picture

NO WHERE did I say that he

NO WHERE did I say that he was entitled to be in the delivery room. Don't put words in my mouth. I'm one of those people that believes the birth of a child is an incredibly private experience, not one to be shared with every in law, out law and every person the couples ever met. I get grossed out when people invite their parents into the delivery room. I know my Dad would rather chew flaming glass (as would I) than to be in the delivery room with any of his kids.

I SAID that the boyfriend has a right to want his parent at the hospital to see his new child. This man can come to the hospital (though I doubt he will) and see his sons child without EVER seeing the new Mommy.

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

Totallyfedup84's picture

Well I gotta say that me and

Well I gotta say that me and fdh having a child out of wedlock is not the reason why he didint feel the need to take the news seriously and or congratulate us, as he himself has had two children out of wedlock and has never been married and he's 52!! So that's not his exscuse he's just a negative asshole who can't ever find it in himself to he happy for his son about anything, it's almost like he's jelous? Anyways... I didint mean I don't want him in the room when I give birth staring at my crotch! That's the last thing that would ever happen! I would rather keep that kid inside me forever than let his slime ball father see my crotch! LoL but I meant I don't want to see him I don't want him there period like anywhere! He is such a negative person that I'm sure even if he comes and sits in the waiting room and dh goes to see him without me havig to, dh will come back in a bad mood from something that his father has said to him GAURANTEED!!!! I just don't know what to do.. All I want is that day to be special and the best day ever for me and dh to welcome our baby into this world. NO NEGATIVE ASSHOLES ALLOWED FAMILY OR NOT!! Hehe

Echo's picture

"That's the last thing that

"That's the last thing that would ever happen! I would rather keep that kid inside me forever than let his slime ball father see my crotch" Bwahahahaha !!!!

I hear what you're saying, hon. This is such a special time and I wouldn't want him anywhere near me, either. Simply tell your SO how you feel...gently. He can call his Dad after your precious baby arrives, he can meet him in the hallway and walk down to the nursery with him. You wouldn't ever have to see him.

Try not to worry about this. Hopefully, your SO is the protective type and would move mountains to make sure the Mother of his baby is happy and at peace. But, if he's not...personally, I'd alert the hospital and ask them to allow ONLY those 'guests' you've put on a list. They'll put a sign on your door and help monitor people who try go gain access to your room. (they do that in our local hospitals anyway)

Best of luck, sweetness !!!

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

Orange County Ca's picture

My my DIL said she wanted

My my DIL said she wanted only her husband, or only him and her Mom, or only him and her parents, or only him and her parents and sisters I would have no problem at all.

Just tell the hospital what you want and its yours. You can even instruct hospital personnel as to who gets to hold or otherwise physically interact with the kid. No cheek pinching allowed.

******************

I've observed humans for 70 years and dogs for 10. I prefer the dogs.

jennaspace's picture

I can't tell you how much I

I can't tell you how much I regretted having my MIL at the hospital after the birth. She seriously was awful in so many ways it could have been a movie. I was too afraid to say anything back then. My experience in the hospital and my physical health was really effected.

I would strongly recommend a) make sure there is a nursery at the hospital (off topic, but I didn't know until I had a colicky baby after a C-section that I was supposed to take care of him right after surgery) b) the nursery can serve as a place for FIL to go without you around. Tell everyone ahead of time that you don't really want visitors but they can see baby.

c) If you FIL is like this I would be really careful with him around your child, he sounds like a pervert. I've seen vulgar men like this turn out to be pedophiles even if it's woman they generally talk vulgarly about (they can't talk freely about kids). I'm sure you don't plan on it anyway, but I wouldn't let this guy alone with your kid.