Step Talk

of SD & DH, I think you are screwed. We just vacationed with skids 10 & 7 & bs 9 mo. It's tough because everything is geared towards them not BS.

I was so mad because the one thing bs really enjoyed was the shark reef, ( he loves fish) he got a cute stuffed sting ray that he loved. My sister's stupid dog stole in out of the diaperbag that was on my sister's dining room table. She has yet to mail it back to me.

At least my skids are good, although it irritates them that we spend all this$$ on vacation & don't even get a geez thanks dad & SM.
They take all the great things they get & do for granted.

How aboy she & DH go on one vacation & you & the girls go on another.

I told my dh upfront that if we have children, there will be vacations w/o the skids, as they are attention seekers and normally start stuff on vacation (like saying they would prefer to be home w/their mother)

That said.. Pick something gearred toward the little ones, something that she would not like at all. OR!!! if SD is going to camp at all.. Make the vaca plans during her week at camp.. its her vacation away from the parents, and more importantly, your vacation away from sd.

I know that it will be hard for you, considering your sd lives w/you guys.. right?

I think the best compromise is to ask your dh if you can take a vacation geared towards the younger kids and plan around them. Maybe you can give sd the option of going along, as long as she knows this is mostly about the little kids, and part of the fun for her will be watching her younger sibs play and have a good time. She probably won't go, but if she does, she'll understand this is not about her.

Then also plan a fun weekend of activities with just your sd in mind. It would be best if you could find babysitters for your other kids, and just the two of you go with your sd...(and maybe a friend?).

This way, nobody gets left out, and you are able to take a vacation in peace.

...I think you'll have better luck getting an ice cold beer in hell than in getting your DH to leave precious and oh-so-neglected SD15 behind. But I don't think you're wrong to want it. If you do decide to ask him about it, I'd ask him about it without even bringing up SD15. "Honey, how about if you and I take BD4 and BD1 on a trip to _____ this summer so that the four of us can have a little time to bond and relax?" If he asks about including SD15, then say, "Oh, honey, I wouldn't want to force SD15 to endure something that's geared towards children so much younger than she. She would probably much rather hang out with her friends. Is it really fair of us to force her to accompany us on a trip that she would most definitely not enjoy?" Ain't nothing wrong with a little manipulation, if you have good intentions. There can be no better intention than getting this dad to be as much of a father to his two younger children as he is to his oldest.

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

Your situation reminded me of when we had to bring along SD(then 15) on a family vacation a few years back. She was (and still is) a negative, rebellious snot, and I didn't want her to come along because of all the reasons you mentioned--pouting, manipulating, trying to ruin it for everyone else, attention-seeking, and DH overcompensating.

Sounds like a good time, right? Florida, here we come!

I voiced my concerns beforehand, but of course DH didn't "want her to feel left out. " Of course. So we agreed on a game plan. If SD15 pouted in her hotel room in order to manipulate, we would leave for the day anyway. If she acted up while we were away, DH would drive her back to the hotel from wherever we were. We didn't buy any theme park tickets ahead of time.

So we arrived at our happy vacation place and the antics began. SD15 was surprised when we left for our activities every day and left her behind. When she pulled a pout while she was with us for the day, DH drove her immediately back to the hotel and dumped her there alone. Yes, she was surprised, and yes, her foul moods did dampen our spirits a bit, but she in no way ruined our vacation.

You may well have to haul your SD15 along for the trip. Just have a game plan to deal with the crap she pulls, and get ready to ignore her like she is a ghost. Will your DH agree to a game plan to deal with SD15 when she acts out? Can he commit to having fun with you and his little ones regardless of SD15's crappy attitude?

Wonder if you and the little ones could do a vacation away from dh and sd. If he asks you why he isnt invited, because sd isnt, and I know how you feel about not including her.

I just feel like you are in a no win situation.

Does she live w/you? I cant remember, but I think she does.. right?

I am really sorry to hear that. Does the BM take her away on vacation?? you could make the case that SD shouldnt get 2 vacas while the little ones get only 1 vaca.. doesnt seem fair!!

wonder what you can plan that is totally toddler geared, otherwise this might turn into a sd geared vaca.

Ohhh.. Not sure if you are a camper or not, but I would think that would not be appealing to a 15 yr old girl. Perhaps go camping near something cool.

I, myself, would not last 15 mins w/the bugs (I get bitten ALIVE) but if you are a camper.. perhaps this might not be up her alley.

I would also start thinking about the future.. Perhaps when sd is 18, she is only invited if she pays her way. (I know.. this might be a pipe dream.. but SERIOUSLY)

Do you have to pay CS when the BM has her all summer?

But I won't be able to "use" it. So frustrating! Enrollment for SD's new high school (should she actually go live with BM) is the same weekend I am planning our vacation. Not intentional, I assure you. Wonder if anyone but me will notice that and choose, perhaps, to not send SD on this vacation?! That would be awesome.

I wouldnt change your plans to ACCOMODATE sd.. I had my vacation plans changed on me last August by the bm. I told my dh that is the LAST time that I rearrange OUR plans to accomodate his children. That if BM wants to dictate when we go on vacation, then the skids wont be included.

Next time she says no they cant go this week but this one works better, I will be saying.. Oh.. that is too bad. Perhaps the next time we are going away they will be able to make it.

that we wont be taking FSS camping with us this summer...I invited them along last year before we lived together and FSS cried and whined the whole time. BM can take him camping and put up with him. FH agrees not to take him with...THANK GOD

We go camping a few times in the summer (mostly somewhere close, for the weekend). The one time we went for a week pretty far away both skids were being brats and DH was getting annoyed. Then on the second trip we took both kids and SD was so bad that DH couldn't stand her and decided to leave her with BM next time. Then SS decided he missed his mom too much and would get sick to his stomach until we took him home. Not sure why all of a sudden the boy hates camping except because he is scared he won't see his mom again(he loved it, and the odd thing is the BB NEVER went camping she always stayed home and would whine about them being gone). So now the kids don't go camping with us. And there are certain vacations the kids are not allowed to come with us on. Needless to say until we find something even closer than 1 hour away SS won't be coming on vacations with us.

with kids. Been there. Done that. MY TURN.

My husband was talking about our vacation and how long it takes to get to San Antonio. SD asked "Are you driving or flying?" I think I might have stopped breathing for a moment. Is there a chance she will not be going?

find out which one would stop her from going.. and go w/that option.

Ooooooh, what an opportunity!! Go to Mapquest, and map out driving directions from your home to whereever you're going in San Antonio. Print out the map/driving directions and leave it out where she'll see it!!

Make SD special plans of her own for a camp she's interested in. In our case it's camp AUNT and UNCLE, as DH's brother and wife offered to take SD for almost a month. During that month DH and I had already planned a small trip to Pittsburgh for the Three River Arts Fest for all the kids. I am so thrilled that it will be just BS's Anna, DH and me. I think DH will get to see a different side of BSs without SD's drama around.

So maybe if you planned something like a camp for SD, then told your DH it would be nice to go away that week, it might work. You might even suggest he do something special with SD later in the summer, just the two of them for some one on one time.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks