nomorepain302's picture

Joint Bank Account plus step-daughter...grrrrr

For the past 2 and a half years, I have asked my husband to remove his non-biological ex-wife's daughter from all 3 of our bank accounts. He has not done it.

She has asked for thousands of dollars over the past several years, each time he gave it to her. She is a total parasite.

If his intention is to leave her money, I feel it should be seperate, and not part of our joint accounts. The very second she found out anything had happened to him, she would drain all the accounts and leave me penniless, unable to pay bills.

So far, talking to him about it has been like talking to the woodwork. Several times he's lied, telling me she's off the accounts, but thats never happened.

He has two children, one, who will be 30 in August, is the child of his ex-wife, who he basically raised until the ex divorced him, completely draining all his bank accounts while he was on a business trip. The 2nd child, is his biological daughter with the ex, she will be 26 in July, and a recovering meth drug addict. Both children are habitual liars, and only see him when they want something. Father's Day cards....never.

Its an extremely dysfunctional group, and I am building a lot of resentment over the bank account issue. I don't want his money, but I want the security of knowing I can pay the bills if something should happen to him.

Anyone else have this situation?


Manymoments's picture

I would stop putting money

I would stop putting money into the joint accounts and open my own. Simple

FARK THAT!!!!!

Hi! I am Manymoments - why? - Because I have MANYMOMENTS of thinking " What the hell was I thinking becoming a STEPMUM!!"

My true religion is kindness - Dalai Lama
He obviously never had a stepkid.....

Helena.Handbasket's picture

I'd never put my money in

I'd never put my money in with another person I didn't trust.

SO isn't even on my checking account. We have a separate joint account for bills that we both contribute to.

There's no need to interact with me, I'm just here to observe. -Sheldon Cooper
Formerly *Alwaysanxious*

BunnyBread's picture

I agree - open your own

I agree - open your own account. I'm not even sure about adding DH though, couldn't he just put the daughter right back on if she did that?

If he would lie to you about taking her off, then it's obvious that trust is a big issue here. I agree that you need security with this. Take the action yourself, and if DH has anything to say about it, tell him why. You gave him enough chances.

"Every little decision becomes a weird internal battle when you're a stepparent because you're afraid that doing the slightest thing wrong will erupt in catastrophe like a zit on Satan's ass." - Cracked.com's "5 Pitfalls Faced by Every New Stepparent"

Manymoments's picture

Let's celebrate with a magic

Let's celebrate with a magic trick! Pick a number! Square it, divide it by the original number, take away the original number!

You've now arrived at the amount of fucks I give

^^^^^^ BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AWESOME

Hi! I am Manymoments - why? - Because I have MANYMOMENTS of thinking " What the hell was I thinking becoming a STEPMUM!!"

My true religion is kindness - Dalai Lama
He obviously never had a stepkid.....

chickadee1444's picture

Your husband needs a swift

Your husband needs a swift kick..that girl could go into those accounts and drain them at any time.Why was she on them in the first place.
I don't think you can close the accounts without your H and SD signature, but you best do something real soon before it's too late..I would be more then growling ) Re grrrrrr )..my hubby has hi skids as his Power of Attorney adn executors...I have no rights..he either changes things or I am out of here..not married a year yet, sad huh?

Dee

smartone's picture

When I divorced, I could only

When I divorced, I could only close my account with exh's signature bc he was on the account. It was my biz account and he had just taken $500 out of it without so much as telling me. So I had to withdraw my money and put it into a new account with just me on it.

Lalena75's picture

First thing I did when ex and

First thing I did when ex and I separated was take all my money out of ou joint account and open my own then we closed our joint. Never again will I have a joint account or joint property with a man without a prenup. I have always been primary bread winner and will never be dependant soley on another human I just can't risk it. Remove your money open your own account and see what you can do to remove your name
from his accounts. At the least you can keep his kid from YOUR money.

I am not an option

morgan_minx80's picture

I would demand he take her

I would demand he take her off the account, if he doesnt. Take all your money and put it in your OWN account. Dont give your DH access to it. No way on earth I would be funding someone else's kid and their meth addiction. Recovering, yeah whatever. Let him spend his money on this waste of space, certainly shouldnt be coming from your own pocket.

Yes BM im jealous of your RAPIST fiance, if I were you id put a bell on him just to warn other poor women he's coming

herewegoagain's picture

A few questions: 1. Do you

A few questions:

1. Do you put money into that account? If not, get YOUR name off the account. Why? Because if the crazies overdraw the account or anything else, who knows if the bank would make you liable since they are all worthless.

2. If you do put money into the account, then stop putting money in that account and take your name off it as well. Have your own bank account and nothing else.

3. I would then demand that your DH put money in an account for just the two of you in case either of you has an emergency and he can leave his old account with all the crazies on it. If he's not willing to even do this, he cares more about those losers than about his wife...and I would honestly be a bit worried as to why a husband worries more about an ADULT SKID than his wife...what's going on there?

whatsup

Jsmom's picture

Take half out and open up

Take half out and open up your own account. Hell no on this one...My DH and I have one joint account and that is it. I will not put him on mine...The joint one is for savings...

I can not believe you would be added to an account that had a stepchild on it...You are putting your own credit at risk if she bounced anything in that account.

Orange County Ca's picture

Meth is a strong addiction

Meth is a strong addiction but can be kicked.

******************

I've observed humans for 70 years and dogs for 10. I prefer the dogs.

janeyc's picture

My God she is the last person

My God she is the last person you would want to have access to your bank accounts, I think you should say that unless he removes her name from them, you will remove your name and your funds from them. As simple as that, its your money and your decision, you also have to be legally clear as to what happens should you or your Husband pass away, you would'nt want her to get hold of your money would you?

dtzyblnd's picture

I feel for you, I really do.

I feel for you, I really do.

SS10's BM has the same relationship with her step-father. She's 29. It's almost like you are dealing with the same exact woman. LOL.

She leeches off her ex step-dad. His wife gets sick of it to be honest.

We don't have anything to do with the BM and her mother, she abandoned SS10 to the wind, both of them did actually.

However, the ex-step dad has always been a grandfather to SS10, since birth and he maintains contact with us. His wife fucking HATES SS's BM. I don't blame her either.

If my husband and I had a bank account together, the only two names on it would be ours, period dot. Me? I'm not very trusting with my money. Burned by exes taking all of it and leaving me and my sons' broke. So, I keep mine seperate.

****
Stephen King has ruined your step children!
And I'm the reason some women don't have babies!
Be Polite, Be Professional, and have a plan to kill everybody you meet ~ General Mad Dog Mattis USMC

saffron5567's picture

That's a new one: guilty

That's a new one: guilty stepdaddy syndrome??? We can't win!

I have had similar financial trust issues with husband regarding his daughter and deadbeat brother. I think the ladies here are correct -- first and quickly you must protect your money. Withdrawal half and secure it so no one can access it but you. That will open the door to talking about this issue with husband. Here's how it could go:

HIM: "Um, babe, half our money is missing from our joint account. Do you know anything about that?"

YOU: "Um, no, no I don't. Call stepdaughter. Maybe she took it."

TIME ELAPSE: Three nervous hours, maybe four

YOU: "OH, you know what, babe? Yea, I do remember now that I deducted half the money and secured it from you and your stepdaughter and then lied to you about it after you didn't secure it from stepdaughter and lied to me about it...twice."

This conversation will help you deal with the bigger problem: a husband who's blantantly lying to you about something so easy to verify. This is a real problem because it shows he's not really thinking straight as he's not even lying in a way to cover his lie. I've been there. It helped that we had two counselors telling him, DUH, lying to his wife is bad. They also told my husband that his allegiance is to me and this guilty daddy stuff will split us up.

We still deal with the guilty daddy stuff, but on finances and legal matters, we've set a few boundaries that I THINK he is following. But I'll never f*****g trust him because I found out about all of it by snooping when my gut said something wasn't right.

Please secure your money. You're only taking half and that's fair. But please do it. When you take that step, I would bet this issue will come out the light.

Good luck.

saffron5567's picture

And one more thing... He's

And one more thing...

He's obviously afraid to take this step with stepdaughter. Just tell that dumbass, "You're not cutting her off. You can still give her money. You're just not leaving us open to security and fraud issues. The fewer people on any account, the safer it is."

Then you can work on him giving her all kinds of money.

giveitago's picture

Wow! I think I'd be doing

Wow! I think I'd be doing likewise too, in that situation. Only one time has DH given SS money without telling me...it cost him the (and it was on the list of things to get) replacement diamond for my engagement ring. He could have kept that 'on the list' since we were together and it was a want rather than a need LOL but I hastened the purchase as 'amends' for not consulting me on a big sum going out. DH has never done that again!

I forgive but I am damned if I'll forget!

emotionaly beat up's picture

If you are putting any money

If you are putting any money into those accounts STOP. Tell your DH until her name is removed, you will have a separate account. Open your own bank account. Withdraw half the funds from each of the three accounts and put the money into your own account.

If your husband is supporting you then withdraw a suitable amount weekly from these accounts and put it into your account.

Then see how long it takes for your husband to take action. Once YOU start milking his accounts it will be different. Sd milks them, it's ok. You do it and its a wake up call.

He is setting you up for a life of poverty should he die before you and he would rather do that than risk sd not talking to him.

He if he is too scared to get sd to take her name off the accounts, simply open new accounts in both your names, transfer the money into the new accounts and leave a couple of cents in the old accounts if necessary to keep them open if he cannot close them without her signature. That we she needs to know nothing. But this situation HAS to change. He won't do it if you continue to nag but do nothing anyway. So you need to take action. Don't be scared.

Amber Miller's picture

Please don't be offended but

Please don't be offended but I had to read your post several times because I couldn't believe what I was reading. Then I had to re-read the part about you being lied to over a few more times. Why would anyone have access to money or even an account when they don't contribute to the account. What is going on here? I mean I'm really shocked and I hope you don't find me to be rude but this is outrageous. I wonder what the reasoning is behind this. If the kid needs $20 here and there thats understandable but to just be able to go to the bank and take what she wants at will? Sounds really scary to me. You know, I have a couple of great SS and I would trust them with our money but I still wouldn't want them on our accounts. SD is a different story. I wouldn't give her access to two nickels to rub together. I feel bad for you. I'm having a hard time trying to come up with a good excuse to give an ex drug addict (even some kid who isn't an ex drug addict) access to your accounts, private and joint. Well, I hope your DH wakes up, starts telling you the truth and eliminates this kid from yur accounts. Good luck to you.