I am not really considering it. Just wishing I hadn't gotten married at this point.

We did therapy. I try to talk to him. I'm leaving the country for two years with husband, hoping that might get her out of our marriage. I read books, post here. I gripe to friends.

But I can't help thinking this is so simple a problem to solve. If he would just...you know the rest.

Are you thinking about leaving him...I mean, them?

I would imagine people consider it first most of the time. How many people do you think wake up one morning and say, "I want a divorce!" and then go file it that day??

Saffron, whenever things blow up like they did today, yes, I very seriously think of leaving. I am just so tired. I want a (relatively) peaceful life. I don't want to dread weekends and home time. When it was just my bios and I, we of course had some conflict, but nothing like this. I miss the days when I felt like "I" had a place to come home to.

I get it. I am trying to figure out where I can spend 8.5 hours tomorrow when SD26 materializes to celebrate "Daddy's Day." Where do you go for 8.5 hours on an 85-degree Sunday with a dog and a parrot? I just want to avoid her. I am so freaking fed up with both of them right now I can't even stand the thought of her around my stuff. Makes my skin crawl.

You know, ItAlmost, there's a reason second marriages fail more frequently than first. It's hard enough as it is, but throw in spiteful, resentful adult children who have never known a boundary and how can it work?

I have that same feeling of battle fatigue that you speak about. I just want to be alone again and have a little control over my day. But I gave up so much to get into this miserable marriage, I'm not in a good position to walk away. But I see it could be in the cards for me too.

I hope your day is improving at least a little!

saffron, I am not in a good financial position to walk away at the moment either but it is getting to the point that it won't matter. He wants to have a home the kids can always come back to. That wasn't made clear before we bought his place. I however mentioned I thought we'd sell it when they became adults. Guess he wasn't paying attention.

Good advice, sonrisa. That would work for me if they didn't still live here. What about momentous life events though, holidays, etc... Do they ALL end up sucking because of SS44?

20years, good for you! Awful we have to push that hard though. I thought DHs were supposed to care about us even before we threaten to leave but I guess that's not how it works.

Saffron, I too, moved to a new country with DH ( if you caught my posts, you know ) sd21 had been livng with us before the move ( long story, useless, BM, the usual shit ) she came with us and it was a BIG mistake, fast forward, a year, and sd21 is returned to finish school in her home country. I, too, relished the space and freedom, and felt like my marriage was just between two people for the first time, not three or even four
( two skids )

What happened in reality, DH now always uses his trump card when we argue about the skids, that being he IS thousands of miles away and he misses them, blah, blah, the Guilty Dad syndrome, in full swing.... It trumps anything I could say, and if I did, I am just seen as the awful nasty, skid hating wife..... Sigh !! So distance for us, makes DH worse sometimes, it's his excuse AND reason for everything concerning them...

As, for Divorce, I have thought about it, but I feel like I am married to Jekyll and Hyde , 90% good DH..... 10% guilty Dad. When those numbers start to really slide, I will be making decisions, plus, the more time I spend WITHOUT the skids in front of me ( DH saw them EW ALWAYS, from Fri 6pm to Sun 8 pm !! ) it makes it five times as hard to EVEN imagine spending five minutes in their toxic company in the future.....

You should ask, how many SMs have an exit plan in place and are secretly saving money ready for it, I bet, the numbers are really high, I'm one of them.......

No it's not an option for me (unless he cheats or leaves me) but I definitely considered moving away from his hostile family (w/o him) for awhile.

2 statistics I heard might be encouraging.... 2nd marriages with step kids have a very high chance of divorce (higher than average), however if they survive something like 6 years they have a statistically significant higher chance of survival in the long run than a 1st marriage

The other one I heard is that if couples hang in during a rough patch (where divorce is considered) the majority of them report doing very well in their marriages 5 years later.

Hope that's encouraging. As the kids age and marry it usually gets easier.

I'm so sorry Saffron. I know what it's like to want want to even be at home. Whan ss lived with DH & I, I would go to the library after work until I knew DH was home. I did not want to be around SS24 at all. So, what did you end up doing yesterday?

sonrisa - THANK YOU FOR TELING US ABOUT Meetup.com - THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO... Get a life without DH who is so connected to his adult daughter! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!