I wrote in Family Court forum a couple weeks back about a threat BM made, to contact our town and prevent skids from attending camp here (last year they split time here and in her town). Their stepsiblings go to camp here, they love camp here- it's a partial-day camp where I pick up at noon, then we do lunch/pool/etc...for the rest of the day.
There's a lot more to it, including the CO from 2010 that DH signed in hopes of helping her be able to move on (ah, that nugget). He has put in for a change of circumstance, since we got married after that, I am a teacher who can be home with these kids and can run a life with a half-day camp, their step-siblings go there, etc.......but they will not have prelim until end of June, so it's likely that for the skids, this summer is not going to be much fun. All by her hand. All because of her sickness, her inability to move the hell on. I will have a newborn, I will be running my sweet babies to camps, and if skids really have nowhere to go on the mornings my kids are at camp they will be doing quiet things on DH's custody days. Things like reading, writing, math. I will not be entertaining them during my only downtime, baby's naptime. She is so disgusting. The irony is that for someone who wants to limit their time with me, she's actually increasing it tenfold. That's her game. I think she still thinks that I want to replace her as their mother? That was last year's drama. If she only knew how tired I have gotten of the entire thing. I so wish that I wasn't planning my summer around two kids who aren't mine. Ugh. We just cannot afford the full-day camp that she wants to send them to. And, admittedly, time with their stepsibs is important. She always has to try to over-dramify everything and screw everything up.
You said in the earlier post
You said in the earlier post that the CO said if the parents could not agree on a camp, the kids would be sent to a camp in between the two towns. How is not sending them to that camp not a violation of the CO?
Technically the CO says that
Technically the CO says that they will attend child care somewhere in that town- not specifically at that camp that she has signed them up for (which, btw, he has not agreed to). Of course in her massively sick mind, she was playing a different game last year and it worked perfectly for them to attend both camps. This year the game has changed. That's NPD for you.
The change of circumstance should have been filed last year, after he and I had gotten married.
A court cannot force a person to pay money they don't have, to send children to a camp they cannot afford.
MJL
If the CO says the kid will
If the CO says the kid will attend camp in that town, then the kid should attend camp in that town. Dad should be looking into camps in that town.
Why should you and he getting married mean he gets more time with the kids? That makes no sense.
A court can hold him in contempt for not paying. They can take away his drivers license and garnish his salary.
is MJL your weekly victim? is
is MJL your weekly victim? is she the one you're going to follow around and try to twist her blogs around and throw them in her face this week? you act like you know exactly what is going to happen. you don't know jack. you have to be the most bitter bm i've come across EVER.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
You say I dont know jack, so
You say I dont know jack, so what that I wrote do you specficially disagree wth? If the child's mother remarried, and moved further away, should they be able to send the kid to camp there? Even if dad had to drive further?
i disagree with everything
i disagree with everything that comes out of your mouth, because it's always an attempt to argue. you are never supportive, you are never compassionately critical if you disagree. you find something to grab onto like a dog with a bone, and you chew and shake it vigorously and without end...until you find another bone. why are you even here if you aren't looking to give and recieve support?
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
Bi, thank you! I have always
Bi, thank you! I have always wondered if that was HR's game but I have always given her the benefit of the doubt and responded to her posts with respect. I still intend to, but I do think she may be a bitter BM.
MJL
I'm so sorry you have to deal
I'm so sorry you have to deal with the drama. People not in our situations say you married into it and you knew what you were getting into. That is not the case. I don't think anything can prepare you as to how crazy and what control freaks these BM's can be sometimes. Why wouldn't you want you child to have fun and enjoy their summer with the other part of their family. It's very sad and selfish on their part. They are only hurting the kids. Good luck MJL2010. I hope it gets better.
Thank you Rodgers! I've
Thank you Rodgers! I've always said that her hatred of us is much stronger than her love or concern for her children. It is so sick!
MJL
I KNOW!!! This woman does not
I KNOW!!! This woman does not believe that the bond between mothers and their children is stronger than any other. Case in point: she told them a couple weeks ago that she no longer wants them to live with her, that she wants them to move with DH full time and she even had the more easily-affected of the two call DH and leave a vm telling him that. BUT just yesterday I heard said skid telling DH that he was excited to see his mother last night. They will love her no matter what. And she is so stupid or maybe just really unconfident in her mothering abilities that she doesn't believe it.
MJL
Im so sorry you are going
Im so sorry you are going through this.
I can begin to fathom what some BMs cook up in thier brains about the SM.
Reading your blog took me back 10 years. As a BM. I remember the feeling of 'is she trying to replace me?'
'Whay is she acting like shes my sons' mother TO me,
of all people?!'
I can understand a BM going through those thoughts and feelings. However you get to that fork in the road eventually.
Path 1: It is my mission to destroy any sort of notion that my ex and his wife have of her being MY kids mother or some sort of mother! Thats MY role and Im gonna defend it!!!
Path 2: It is my mission in life to give my kids as many loving people in thier lives as I can and protect them from the toxic ones. Im Mom and shes an extension of me. Its my duty to help her through this. She, like my kids didnt ask for the divorce, the dislike between hrr husband and I. I owe it to her and my kids to get to know her before I figure out if shes a loving person or toxic.
I chose path 2. The enemy never is a true human being. But when you allow them in, well its hard to call them evil and such. Lol. My sons SM and I are great friends. And its freaking incredible to have her.
When they visit, I dont worry. When my 16 yr old had the opportunity to play football at a champion hs near them, it was an easy yes. And most importantly, when I deploy, i never ever worry about what ifs.
I think Id like to get all your BMs in a room with me and her and counsel the shit outta them.
******
My IPOD says you are full of bullshit!
Her DH signed a CO which said
Her DH signed a CO which said if the parents could not agree to a camp, the kids would to camp in town in between them. I think that is reasonable. Seems to me she doesnt want to live with CO. I dont see how dad getting married should change this.
He wasn't her DH at the time
He wasn't her DH at the time they signed. They were divorced.
He married a teacher, who can support half day camp and half day child care as I have summers free. We cannot afford to have SSs attend full-day camp. I am home. That is why his getting married should change this.
MJL
He should not get more time
He should not get more time because he got married. Why did he sign CO if he could not afford it?
More time?? He doesn't get
More time?? He doesn't get more custody time. They have 50/50. Not sure where you are drawing that conclusion from??
MJL
OK, so are you suggesting she
OK, so are you suggesting she have to drive the kid to camp in your town, longer drive, just becuase you and dh got married?
Yep!! Ding, ding. But BM is
Yep!! Ding, ding.
But BM is the nutter who is "hurting" the kids.
Some people can't see the forest when they're a tree.
it's not that simple if
it's not that simple if you're a "tree".
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
To both you and HRC: BM chose
To both you and HRC: BM chose to move to a town twenty miles away so that she could "get healthy". DH drives skids to school twenty miles away on his custody time, he drives them to all the activities she signs them up for without his permission, twenty or more miles away, on his custody time. So, apparently bitter BMs, ding ding, this BM is absolutely screwing her kids up beyond belief. She is vile filth.
MJL
MJL, look at the facts. The
MJL, look at the facts.
The COURT ORDER states an inbetween town for camp if parents can't agree.
The COURT ORDER states that DH and BM split the cost.
Too bad, so sad you can't afford a FT camp. Your DH agreed to it, and it's been ordered by the court. How he could afford before he married you and now he magically cannot...well, there must be more to it.
Just because you and DH got married, it CHANGES NOTHING. Simple. You have summers off. Doesn't matter. You have a new baby. Doesn't matter.
BM wants to abide by the COURT ORDER that was signed by BM and DH just a short while ago. YOU are the one who doesn't like the CO (possibly DH, too) and YOU guys are the ones who want to go against it. This has nothing to do with BM being difficult, etc.
It has everything to do with BM wanting to abide by the CO, and you and DH not.
If this is your example, BM isn't even close to vile filth.
PS: I'm not a bitter BM in the least. I don't even have to deal with my XH anymore, let alone his flavor of the month.
Ugh, he. has. applied. for.
Ugh, he. has. applied. for. a. change. of. circumstance. We do not want to ignore the CO, go against the CO, or jeez, anything else you said. He wants it CHANGED. It may be. It may not be. Tell you what: if it is declined by the court, I will post it and you and HRNYC can gloat and sing BM's praises.
You don't know half of what this woman has done, because most of it is so sick and convoluted that I couldn't possibly begin to put it into words on a blog.
MJL
Thank you, Ripley! It will
Thank you, Ripley! It will sure be interesting to see how this all turns out. Thanks for the support- support or clear-headed vision and experience in these matters- even if it means gently pointing something out that I hadn't thought of or am too close to the situation to see objectively- are why I come to Steptalk. Some people on here really seem to want to be counterproductive to that. It just inspires me to be more supportive of my stepmom peeps!
MJL
Ummmm....no, SHE is the one
Ummmm....no, SHE is the one who decided to move twenty miles away and force DH to drive skids to school all year long. Now she can't drive a few days a summer, even tho she did last year and it worked just fine in spite of her horrific mothering and alienation which don't depend on distance.
MJL
And at the point he signed
And at the point he signed it, he couldn't believe she was still acting so crazy. He thought signing would be a step toward helping her move on. His first mistake! (Well, ok-his first was being married to her and reproducing with her- but had no idea what kind of crazy she would turn after their divorce- a common thread with some BMs it seems, unfortunately for the majority of stepmoms).....
MJL
I think it is reasonable for
I think it is reasonable for kids to attend camp in between the two parents if the parents can not agree. I think you are trying to say everything should suit you.
Again- SHE SHE SHE moved to a
Again- SHE SHE SHE moved to a town twenty miles away. SHESHESHE drives one mile to work and less than a mile to take her kids to school. Yet for the summer, she cannot share town camps and do a bit of driving? For less than two months out of the year?
MJL
Nope. Saying that she cannot
Nope. Saying that she cannot exist without drama. Please reread and get facts.
MJL
His getting married shouldn't
His getting married shouldn't change anything.
If it did, we would have to take the good with the bad. In this case good would be SKs going to the camp dad wants because of your job.
Bad would be BM demanding an increase in CS because of your job.
SPs jobs/income should not matter.
I'm dealing with a crazy BM who thinks my income should be used to increase the amount of CS DF pays.
That is disgusting,
That is disgusting, Disneyfan. I am so lucky because since they have 50/50, neither pays the other child support. I'm sorry for your dealings with your resident psycho.
MJL
I think you missed the point.
I think you missed the point. The CO is set to be reasonable however courts dont program parents to be as well.
Her disagreement is a petty attempt at fucking with her exH and nothing more.
And that is bullshit in my book.
******
My IPOD says you are full of bullshit!