For those who don't know, I'm a fairly young SM. In fact, I'm 8 years younger than DH. So to choose this life, I had to risk a lot. This is what happens when you give up your plans for love...
I could have moved away to college. I could have gotten my bachelor's degree by walking to and from a cute little apartment right on campus. I instead chose the commute so I could be here with DH, then-boyfriend.
I could have lived on my own. Instead I moved straight from my parent's house to my husband's house.
I could have had every little thing my way and been selfish for a while. Now I'm lucky to even get a midnight snack when I want it while SKIDS are here.
I could have gotten a job on campus that would have established contacts and made me more money. Now I'm lucky if I even get a job locally because of what my major is (no I won't specify either... I've already been pinpointed on this site once).
I could have partied and done some wild things I'd never thought to try. Now I'm lucky if I can get DH to stay up with me past midnight.
I could have spent time hanging out with friends. I haven't seen anyone outside my or DH's family since spring break.
I could have lived in a clean apartment like I want. Instead I live in a house that is now subject to frequent lice and drug inspection.
I COULD have... but I chose love... and you know what? It's NOT all you fucking need.
I love DH, but sometimes I wish he were still a boyfriend and I'd waited for this until after my graduation. Not a day goes by lately where I don't wonder if I've ruined my entire life.
As the great Tina Turner said
As the great Tina Turner said "what's love got to do with it?"
Some days are okay, and other days i plot my exit.
When all else fails, just give 'em $10
And as Janet Jackson said,
And as Janet Jackson said, what has he done for me lately?
Let's celebrate with a magic trick! Pick a number! Square it, divide it by the original number, take away the original number!
You've now arrived at the amount of fucks I give.
Actually I still did and I'm
Actually I still did and I'm graduating next semester. I just think that I would have gotten more out of it if I'd done the on-campus thing and lived selfishly for a while.
Let's celebrate with a magic trick! Pick a number! Square it, divide it by the original number, take away the original number!
You've now arrived at the amount of fucks I give.
Maybe it is time you start
Maybe it is time you start being selfish. Why don't you get that job on campus?
I have a similar age difference with my SO (9 years) and I'm a full-time college student working towards my BA with plans to continue on to grad school. I just recently started an internship working in the field of my choice that will not only serve as a way to earn money while I'm still in school, but, will also give me the experience and contacts I need in order to get into grad school and start my career.
The Wii was a great start (particularly when you clearly set the boundary by blocking the skids access with a password!), but, I bet there are other ways that you can make sure that you have what you need in life without worry or wonder.
My campus is pretty far away
My campus is pretty far away which makes for an expensive commute. It would either have to pay me about twice as much or I'd have to move there... which I'm kind of leaning towards at this point. Might do me some good to get away for a few months at least...
Now I'm terrified that with OSS's new problem with drugs, I'll somehow wind up being the one busted with this crap in my house, landing a nasty drug charge on my permanent record. Then I'll be lucky to be bagging fries... small victories like my Wii are pretty much all I have at this point. That and the room inspection and the searches we plan to conduct on SS each and every time he leaves and returns to this house.
Let's celebrate with a magic trick! Pick a number! Square it, divide it by the original number, take away the original number!
You've now arrived at the amount of fucks I give.
Yea, expensive commutes for
Yea, expensive commutes for jobs are no fun; pissing away your paycheck into the gas-tank can quickly become aggravating.
Perhaps there are internships closer to where you live where you could get some of the contacts and experience that you desire (and deserve, I must say).
And I don't blame you for being terrified about the drugs in your house, especially if the hammer has the potential to fall in your general direction; as a fellow student, I know the weight that hangs over grants and other federal assistance. Amazing, isn't it, you could kill the entire population of a small town and still get federal aid, but, if you so much as have one drug related offense on your record, nope, no federal aid for you!
Move there. And why are you
Move there. And why are you living under OSS's drug problem? If you're not using and he is, why is he in the house? And why would it affect you? You're right, you'll catch the charge if he's got drugs in your house. Better yourself, don't sit around waiting for the men in your life to screw you and your future.
I lived a similar life (adult
I lived a similar life (adult skids instead) but lived with him, went to school, and never really lived selfishly. My now ex so was more than 12 yrs older than me (less than 20 yrs). Getting him to stay up past 9:30 was a feat. I recently broke up with him and moved to further my education. I don't regret my time with him, but I'm glad to be selfish finally. Love was definently not enough.
"They never even gave me a first (chance) so I am not giving them a second." Me
time to get a life.
time to get a life.
We are all in this together.....
I think everyone has those
I think everyone has those moments of I could have, but only we can change it if we want to. You should do what you want to do to make you happy. Also, about the drug problem. There is no way you should tolerate that!
I can relate. My boyfriend is
I can relate. My boyfriend is 15 years older than me & I gave up alot to step into the role of wife/mother to him and his children. I love him so much it's pretty ridiculous, so thankfully he does a good job at making me feel loved in return or else I would NEVER be as "okay" as I am with the way things are. Am I happy? Probably not as happy as I COULD be at my age. But I feel loved and secure and that is enough to make me content.
Luckily I was already in college when I met him so I didn't have to worry about that not being an option... Actually, I graduated in May and my convocation was on Wednesday. Boyfriend and SS2 got all dressed up to come watch, it was sweet. My only thing now is, my boyfriend has a good job and makes enough money to support the three of us & therefore doesn't WANT me to get a job. I just went to college for the past 4 years and now that I've graduated he's pressuring me into essentially being a 'stay at home mom' to his son. And I use the word 'pressure' loosely, because it's definitely indirect as in he'll say things like, "Well, you know I don't expect anything financially from you, so anything you do feel the urge to chip in is just a bonus to me" (after I bought groceries one day? Lol) and "Well if you plan on getting a job you know that's just more money we'd have to spend in daycare, so really it makes more sense for you to stay home" so who knows.
Anyway, sorry, got a little off topic there! Ha, just wanted to say that I think I know how you feel.
Please think very long and
Please think very long and hard about this before you agree to it. If you do not assert your independence right now, before you are even married to this man, you could very well end up in a situation in which you have no power or control or options.
That child is not your child. Daycare is a problem for him and BM to solve, not you. If you choose to SAH with this child, think of yourself as a nanny and enter into more of an employer/employee agreement. Have him pay you, money that is yours and yours alone, that you can bank and save and do as you see fit and over which he has no control.
You do not want to be in a situation a year or five or ten from now, want to get out of the relationship and be trapped because of financial difficulty. Make sure he does not own everything with you living in his home and using his things essentially as a guest.
Also, if you SAH and are not married, what will happen if he dies unexpectedly? The longer the time between degree and entering the workforce, the harder time you will have of it to find a position to support yourself. You will also have no rights to the child, even if you have been the full-time caregiver for years, all the rights will automatically revert to the mother.
This is not a situation that you necessarily need to leave or avoid, you just need to be very very smart about protecting yourself and not allowing yourself to become trapped. Your relationship will be on much better standing if you can stand next to him as an equal, and with you making your own financial contribution to the household.
He who owns the gold makes the rules. Make certain you have gold.
If you don't have kids with
If you don't have kids with DH...then now is your time.
Sounds like DH is not doing his part to control his kids an there is no reason for you to go down with the ship...